He’s Got Betty Davis Eyes

            When I was an actor in NYC, about 25 years ago, I steadily looked for an agent. At one point, I had an interview with a very high profile agency. I was excited about it. I wore my blue contact lenses. I have brown eyes, but the blue eyes made me look exotically different and I wanted an edge—like Barbara Streisand putting her bubble gum on the chair before she sang for her first big audition.

            I noticed the woman interviewing me kept staring. “Great eyes,” she finally said.

            She wasn’t the first or the last person who was completely enamored by my blue eyes on this very dark Italian man. At that time, colored contact lenses were a rare novelty, and most people didn’t even think to suspect they weren’t my real color. It was fun to not be me for a while.

            Then I got cast in a show where I was supposed to be the male ingénue. The director wanted me to dye my hair blonde. Now I had blonde hair and blue eyes. And when I shaved my face really closely, I actually resembled someone I always wanted to be—an All American Boy. I even went so far as to get my hair straightened too, so that it would lay flat, and my long bangs would sweep back like the surfer dudes on the beach. I was kind of buff back then too. I turned some heads.

            I was young and impressionable. I wanted to be everyone and anyone but myself, actually. I really didn’t like me. I think that is why I chose acting as my first career. I wanted to escape into all of these interesting and different characters to avoid dealing with me then get rewarded for my clever disguise by all the clapping and ovations. It was the perfect diversion for a person with bad self-esteem.

            I actually left my acting career to become a minister, because what shows your truest colors more than being a minister? Right? You have to be everything everyone wants you to be and live up to a standard that no human being can possibly live up to.

            When that didn’t work, I decided on a combination of the two professions: a Christian Contemporary singer. I could sing and minister at the same time and pretend I wasn’t gay. Oops. Did I say that out loud. Another choice that really sucked.

            But at each turn in the road, spirit kept showing me that the path I was following was only leading me further away from my true Self. When I finally relinquished the fight and set the standard of authenticity, I began to find my true calling.

            You see, life isn’t about avoiding what you don’t like about yourself. It is exactly the opposite. Life is about facing your obstacles head on and finding the pathway to peace and victory.

            When I decided to seek authenticity, I learned that my true calling was right in front of me. It was leading people off of untrue paths and into true inner peace and power. That’s what a life coach does. We use spirituality and psychological tools to turn your negative choices into positive, powerful new choices. Then as an accredited Hypnotherapist, I can also help improve the brain synapses to respond to the high calling of your true self from the inside out. I love what I do.

            When I look back on my old life and compare it to what I do now, I can’t imagine how I survived. I do miss singing and dancing and acting sometimes. Periodically, I’ll do a show that really speaks to me, but not often. But I do shows for fun now and to express the true emotions of my soul, not to get applause or recognition.

            I could really care less about what people think… and not in a mean, arrogant way. I can only live by One Master. Trust me, it’s not the people telling me what their opinions are. It’s what God dictates to my heart.

            In saying that, I realize that there is room for error even in that decision. But it is my path, and if I’m true to my calling, any error I make on my path will be shown to me. If I’m not self-centered, I’ll discover the error. In my time and in my own ways, I’ll do better and change for my own personal growth.

            If you’re struggling with self-esteem issues, now is your chance to uncover your truth and look deeply into your soul for your truest passions and dreams. If something like a tainted past is holding you back, by all means, find some help. I went to therapy for ten years. That’s right. Ten years. And I still take an antidepressant. There is nothing wrong with working on your self. And even better discovering if there is something chemically wrong, fixing the problem. Don’t be afraid of change.

            Life is change! Betty Davis would be proud. And so will I.