Relationship Dementia #relationship #relationshipadvice #Divorce #nosextonight

One of the most prevailing stories I hear on a daily basis is: My partner of 10-20 years and I love each other, we’re best friends, but we barely ever have intimacy. I call this Relationship Dementia. The medical definition of Dementia is the slow deteriorating of the brain’s functions. In long lasting relationship, this also happens with sex. Long, loving kisses and sexuality are replaced with family issues, fixing the house, dealing with health problems, and friendship. Usually, only one of the partners really wants this to happen. At least one of the partners feels empty, because of the loss of intimacy. But, how to does a couple work to recreate new closeness and a more sensual bond?

Nothing happens in relationship unless you are, first, transparent about the problem. And second, you must both make a concerted effort to make change. Yes, change happens inevitably, but we must have a hand in the direction change takes us. Are you willing to let your life go in any direction it wants? Or, do you want to play a part in the next page of your life?

Personally, I want to take all of what I know, and learn from it. If you are not one of those people who have a spiritual inclination and let every wind sweep you away with heartbreak and desperate calls for help, then you haven’t learned, yet, that you are a creator. You were born in the image of Spirit God. God is a creator. When God has children, they look and act similar to God. So, start playing your role on earth, instead of letting every wind toss you off of your course.

With relationship, two people may stay in commitment, but may not have any sexual energy left after twenty years. Should that stop you from doing your part to recreate the energy you desire? I don’t think so. Bring her flowers. Tell him you love him. Share the deepest feelings of your heart. Break down and bear your soul! Relationships—at this age—need a good shaking. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable! What is the worst that could happen?

Yes, you’re right. You could find that your partner has no sexual desire for you anymore. You could finally hear the truth and take action about that truth. But, never knowing how your best friend and partner feels, is not a choice, it is acquiescing to nothingness. If you were to get the honest news that your partner had no desire to have sex or even kiss you anymore, what would your reaction be? You can start from just thinking about the worst that could happen. This is good and healthy behavior, if you don’t get depressed about it and take action.

Assess the relationship. Decide if the relationship is strong enough to remain without sex, or see if your partner would allow you to seek intimacy somewhere else. Sometimes, just the thought of someone else loving the person you care about is enough for a partner to reassess his/her feelings. If this doesn’t work, you could leave the relationship. For at least 50% of the population, intimacy plays a very important role in relationship. If it isn’t there, one doesn’t feel close. Closeness is a necessity, if we’re going to invest so much into one other person. WE want to, not only be a best friend, but want to be a companion, a confidante, a lover, and a fun-seeker. We want it all. You know what, we deserve it!

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If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

This is one of my favorite novels, which exemplifies the blog above. Jimmy Joe lives his entire life married to a woman he got pregnant as a teenager, instead marrying the love of his life. Finally, when he retires, and Marty's husband passes away, he gets the courage to live his dream! By this book on Amazon

You Better Get This Party Started #partying #waitingforretirement #LivingintheNOW #bucketlist

I have had several clients over the years with stories like this: I am going to work my ass off—12 hours a day—so, that I can have a great retirement. So, six days a week, each of them spends more time stressed and working—than enjoying life. As I have followed some of these clients over the years, now that I’ve been coaching for 25 years (God, I’m young!), I noticed that the majority gets sick and has severe health problems before retirement age—if they reach 65! What is wrong with this picture? To maintain a life with this much stress, most of these people either smoke or have weight problems, as well, both leading to heart issues in the future.

I go back to balance in all areas of life. If you don’t have equal amounts of social life, work, intimacy, health, and fun, you lose valuable minutes, hours, and days. A good friend died a couple of weeks ago at 33, and a dear friend of mine lost an older brother yesterday. We don’t have time to waste, my loves. Life can slip away without our permission, at any moment. Death always brings me a dose of reality, which it should. Our human existence was never meant to last forever. It remains as long as we learn our life’s lessons and become an integral part of humanity.

Today is the day you begin to make a bucket list. Each day you must move forward toward one or more of the items. If you are not, you haven’t been taking hold of life.

1). Social behavior. Every week, make a special point doing one of the following: Meeting a friend or friends for dinner or coffee, asking someone to join you in a fun or interesting adventure, go to the movies with someone, or invite a friend or friends to dinner.

2). Most of us have a plan to write a novel, a book, a song, build a business, or open a restaurant. Why haven’t you worked toward your dream? I have written 13 books and produced a DVD for yoga, because I get up at 5 a.m. and write every day. After which, I do yoga, which is the next item on our list.

3). Health should be something that you work on daily. You will never make it to retirement if you aren’t taking care of this very fragile human body. Become gluten free, do yoga or an exercise program every day, do muscle building every other day, take adventurous walks, and occasionally bounce on a fitness ball when you have no time for any of the above. Every meal is important, because it provides nutrition and energy for your body.

4). Intimacy: If you avoid intimate relationships because you don’t think you’re worthy of one or that anyone would be interested, then you must begin to put yourself out in the dating seen and face your fear. Only if you are avoiding your loneliness daily with work and an addiction, do you need to focus in on writing that self bio for an on-line dating website. Just be careful. Make sure you meet a perspective date in a well-lit, crowded place for your first and second meeting, or until you feel safe.

Remember, balance is the way to get this party started and actually live life to your fullest!

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If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

I just received this amazing letter today from a film-development company about the novel above:

Bo,
You are certainly a talented author that can write different genres and subjects. We loved your novel, "Fatal Virtues" and will refer this to Mike Monaco in Los Angeles. We already posted a review on your Amazon page to help increase your awareness to readers.

“Fatal Virtues has a film-like approach with plot and characters that come alive off the pages. It reads fast with gripping plot twists and unexpected thrills. Bo Sebastian is the jack-of-all-trades when it comes to writing books. That’s rare in this business, but he pulls it off.”

Keep writing books and submitting them!

Ron Knight, Director of AMP Film Submissions

Buy the book here

Polishing Old Doorknobs #collectingmemorabilia #keepsakes #livingintheNOW

When I used the bus to get to college in Pittsburgh in the 1980s, I would always choose selectively where I would sit. One morning, out of the many strange people scattered around me in seats available, I saw an innocuous, elderly woman wearing a long black woolen coat carrying a grocery bag. It was late summer. When I looked at her to see if the seat was available, she smiled politely and moved over. I took this as my cue to have a seat. She immediately began to talk to me, which didn’t displease me. I really love elderly people, who seem to be full of so much wisdom. Soon into the conversation, she asked me if I wanted to see her collection in the bag she carried. I, being the people pleaser, of course, said, “I would love to!” When she opened the bag—before, I could even look—the nastiest smell emanated from it. She shoved the open side of the bag toward me. As I peer into a bag of what looked like mold and growing globs of fungus, she exclaimed: “I’ve been collecting pudding for two years!” Gagging, now, I politely excused myself, got out at the next stop, and escaped the crazy lady to breathe in fresh air.

This woman reminded me of the character Aunt Clara from the old television situation comedy, Bewitched. I loved that show and Aunt Clara, in particular, who collected old doorknobs from all of the exotic places she had visited around the world in her youth. I am laughing just thinking of the absurdity of collecting doorknobs, but also see the charm. The actress certainly made me remember her by her quirky habit.

Why does anyone collect objects? I have friends who collect Barbie’s, kitchen witches, pet stones, beanie babies, and glass figurines, and the like. When I have asked each of them why they collect that certain object, most of them say, that someone heard he or she liked or enjoyed the one or two collectibles the friend had. Then a partner decided to begin to add to the collection every birthday and holiday. Soon, other friends saw the building collection and added their favorites to the memories. Suddenly, without much self-help, the collection built so much so that my friend had to buy a étagère just to house them. Now, the memories attached to the objects are from people, not the ceramic cats.

The same situation happened to me with crosses from around the world. At one point, one Christmas, ten friends bought me different kinds of crosses and pictures frames with crosses on it. Honestly, I’m not all that fond of crosses, but I could never say that to my kind friends. For a long time, I hung the crosses everywhere, until a Feng Shui specialist asked me why I have a symbol of death all around my home. Suddenly, I realized, not only did I not like crosses, I really wanted to get rid of every last one of them, despite the fact that they were gifts from lovely people.

As I have been packing to move, I have found a few crosses that got lost in boxes and in the back of drawers. One was even hung on my shed door, which I see as I go out of the house every day. Apparently, I looked right past it when I disposed of the others. I had to laugh at which crosses actually remained. Two of them were from ex-partners. How symbolic! This time, I set the two remaining crosses in a box to give to the Salvation Army. Maybe someone else who enjoys the symbol can benefit from my purge of old, unmemorable items.

We can never hold on to the past without belaboring it and stopping up the possibility of the now. Even old photographs that remind you of someone special who had passed, sometimes must remain in a drawer, because of the harsh memory of losing someone you loved. Every day we have a choice: every moment of every day, we have the opportunity to hold on to the past as it passes us by, or we can look to the next moment of life to cherish it for as long as it lasts. Today, I choose the latter!

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If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

Bo Sebastian has been a Vegetarian Chef to vegetarian dignitaries and a teacher of the vegetarian ways to chefs around the globe. His innovative book: The Protein-Powered Vegetarian helped many people add important vegetable protein to their diets, in a time when vegetarians had little to choose from in the form of protein. Now, this same Chef comes back with important information for today’s growing need to understand Gluten-Free Cooking. Buy Book Here.

The Precious Few #realfriends #findingtruelove #relationshipadvice

Notice the randomness of the universe. Trees change color. People suddenly die. One day you’re healthy, the next day you struggle with cancer. How often does someone who really resonates with you and with whom you’re very attracted to actually enter into your life? My thought is: not so often and very randomly.

I talked to a dude who seemed very interested in me for about a month. Suddenly, he backed way off after a conversation about dating other people. I wasn’t into relating with more than one person at a time, especially, once intimacy began. He felt that I ought to be meeting as many new people as I could, as I was just moving to a new state. I found myself considering the possibility, then realized I have been there and done that.  My mature reaction to our conversation was that, if I found someone wonderful to date, I would see only him.

When I go to the grocery store, the majority of the time, I know exactly what I’m looking for. Something new may intrigue me, but, usually, I will settle with what I know is good for me and is the right choice for my health. I feel the same way about relationship. Why have a sophomoric, casual feeling about relationship? If you do, you’re liable to miss out on someone really wonderful entering into your life.

What I notice mostly about solid relationships is that, when the couple met, it was an instantaneous bond. They may have dated awhile, were friends awhile, or took some time in deciding if marriage was in the picture, but they ended up following through with their initial impulse. Everyone has fear about whether the one you’re dating is the right person. That fear is important, but static. Fear helps you look for good and bad behavior that could be telling in the future. When you find someone you enjoy being with, the dating process is to help you figure out if you can be in this for the long haul. If you date, simply to have company, you waste everyone’s time, including your own.

People are not items that can be thrown away. Establishing a plan when you date is important. I might say to a someone that I just began dating: “Let’s date each other a couple times a week for a while and see how this goes. We can talk about how serious we are after a prescribed amount of time.” In this instance, both people understand that at the onset they need to show their best side and try, for heaven sakes. We are not on this earth to be floundering around like 20 year olds at play. Once you become a mature adult, look for mature, adult relationships—even with friendships. Our humanness depends on it. We are pack-oriented, like some animals—thriving beside each other. Most of us enjoy the company of another. If so, you must make an effort to meet people. After you do so, then you must follow through with your intent to find a solid future as a friend or a possible mate.

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If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

 This Novel exemplifies the nature of this blog. Jimmy Joe waits his entire life to marry the woman he had been loving since being a teenager. Even though circumstances fight against his will, he moves forward to find freedom and true love.

Buy Kindle Version now!

Buy Paperback Now!

Married to the Law #effectivechange #trashingoldbeliefs #narcissism #conarcissim

Have you ever known a person who simply will not divert from a proposed set of laws he or she has made in his/her mind—probably put their by religion, society, or, mostly likely, their own sense of self-hate? Usually, these same people are apt to judge everyone else around them for not following the laws they have superimposed upon themselves. How do you get out of this negative, judgmental and prejudiced paradigm, should you discover that another has set you on this path?

Sharon had a mother who was a narcissist. Her mother never allowed Sharon an opinion in life. Once, when Sharon was a child, her mother let her pick out her own Christmas dress. Sharon picked out the prettiest, pink, flowery dress she could find, of course. This dress didn’t look a bit Christmas-like. As a result, when Sharon went to church in this beautiful dress, all proud and feeling beautiful, her mother said to almost everyone she met that morning, “I let my daughter pick out her own awful dress. This is what happens when you let an eight year old make her own decisions!”

Sharon admits, that from that point on, to gain her mother’s approval, she followed every rule that her mother doled out, including with it her mother’s views about politics, prejudices, and social protocol. This is called becoming a Co-narcissist. To have a narcissist, you must also have someone who allows the behavior to exist. Without realizing it, Sharon propagated, as an adult who barely even liked her mother, some of those same beliefs. Sharon asked me, “How do I get rid of these old believes from this hateful woman, who had long since passed away?”

Just recognizing that her beliefs were wrong for her was the first good choice Sharon had made. She, then, had to become the observer of her own mind and thoughts and, literally, cast down ideas that no longer served her. An example: Sharon’s first impulse when she sees a woman at the mall wearing white shoes and a brown belt is to think, oh my Lord, has that woman got any sense at all. Doesn’t she know her belt is supposed to match her shoes? And it’s summer. In the South, we don’t wear white after Labor Day!”

Sharon must first feel her mother’s superimposed thought and see that it is not her own. It was simply programmed into her mind. Sharon says to herself, “I don’t know if this woman is too poor or has ever been taught southern manners. It is not up to me to judge her with my beliefs. I don’t know this woman or her circumstances in life. Maybe she doesn’t have the money to buy something different.” So, feeling her truth and using her deductive mind to reason with the negative belief, is the first way to change an old pattern.

Second, she could use an EFT technique (Emotional Freedom Technique) that helps incorporate new belief into the body’s mainframe computer. The technique involves tapping a specific part of your body while you state your new outlook on life—out loud. Since this is a heart matter, I would suggest, as you repeat your new truth, tap your chest with your fingertips. This is also a Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique that changes neural pathways in your mind as they are triggered.

The last thing to do is to thank yourself for your new outlook. We often forget that underneath our grown-up appearance, a small child exists inside of all of us, who needs our parental advice now and again. This child also desperately could use the encouragement that you never received from your own parent. So, it’s a good thing to reward your self for great, new behavior. To this day, when I set out to do any goal, I always add to my goal a reward, so that I know accomplishment has a golden pot at the end of its path. What a wonderful way to say thank you to yourself and to Spirit for a change you know will take time and much diligence.

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If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

This book is about loving yourself, no matter what your childhood looked like. You are a beautiful creation, worthy of good things, as Billy Ray eventually realizes, after his preacher father is imprisoned for killing his mother's boyfriend, the county's high school football star quarterback!

JIBO - A Personal Robot #jibo #personalrobot #relationshipAdvice #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment

A brand new robot, which you place in different parts of your house, to monitor you and your needs, just came onto the scene. You can say, as you arrive at your home, “Hi, Jibo, I’m hungry. Will you order some take-out for me?” Jibo replies, “Sure. Chinese, as usual.” And the menu flashes up on the screen. You can put Jibo by a child’s bed to watch her while she’s sleeping. You can put her in the kitchen with you, while you cook, read it your schedule, and give it reminders. Jibo is similar to Siri, but stays on all the time and has this ominous eye that moves from left to right, tracking if anything is going on around it. I don’t know whether to be frightened or intrigued, now that I think of it. What is the world coming to? Will we be developing personal relationships with these computers and giving them names? It actually looks that way.

Check it out! What would you rather do: come into your home, kiss your partner and ask what we should do for dinner OR command an object to do exactly as you ask, with no questions asked? I’m going to choose the computer. People are way too emotional and indecisive. I’ll keep my intimacy for humans and give my daily chores to a robot. Maybe we’ll all have better intimate relationships as a result.

This computer reminds me of an episode of “The Big Bang Theory.” The dorky character, Howard, builds a robot with hands to go into space. He, then, decides to try it for a personal, intimate task. It gets stuck on his junk, and his friends have to take him to the Emergency Room.  There, the attending nurse announces over the loud speaker, “Attention, all doctors! A robot is stuck to a man’s penis!” I’m laughing just thinking about it. What humans won’t do to circumvent dealing with relationship.

Relationship involve transparency, so creating one in our lives takes making room in our hearts and lives and requires emotional connection. How many people do you know—who are single—actually have that kind of time? I had been speaking to a guy I met on-line for about two months, who appeared, at first, to be looking for relationship. We actually met on a dating site specifically dedicated for relationship-oriented people call: OkCupid. We had gotten along really well for the first month. In fact, he and I had moved to Facetime every evening, before bed. Our conversations would last about 30 minutes a day, which is longer than most couples communicate face to face. So, as you can imagine, the relationship evolved into a deeper place, which is unusual, having never met the man in person.

Both of us, maybe not at the same time, came to the realization that having a relationship in two different cities wasn’t a good idea. Though, I enjoyed the expected, nightly companionship, much like having a computer talk to you, two dimensions wasn’t enough. So, we went back to texting and talking about every three days over the phone, as a healthier way to relate before actually meeting when I move to Florida.

What I realized, after this man wasn’t making his best effort anymore, was that he really didn’t have any time for a relationship in his life. He was tied to his job in an unhealthy way. One phone call a day was about all he had to offer in his life—that, and maybe the occasional weekend day to have a little down time. For me, that is not enough for a relationship. I need more connection. Most people don’t. In fact, I would probably fall into the Anxious Attachment category, because my heart needs a commitment from another person to establish any kind of intimacy. One who would need very little time for personal relationship and much more time for work, would fall into the category of Avoidant Attachment.

A therapist friend of mine and I were just talking about this on Skype this morning. He lives in Thailand now, because living in the U.S. was becoming too expensive for a man on disability. Both of us agreed that we have been far too demanding about how sexuality and relationship connect in today’s world. Most people we have dated simply feel that sex is just another step toward love. Where as, both of us had believed for quite some time that by the time a relationship reached sexual intimacy, a commitment should be in place. This, we also agreed, we had been demanding from our partners to protect our hearts. My friend has the great chance to see sex, now, the way other countries view sex, with a lot less condemnation and acceptance. So, having a casual sexual relationship may be a possibility, if we could separate our hearts from the sexual experience.

I’m still not sure how it will work out with me. Perhaps, I just need a robot!

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If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

These two companion books will help you find your way through relationship problems, health issues, spiritual questions, and give you back your personal power! Challenge yourself to the 365-day daily discoveries! Get the book today!

Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: 

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

  [contact-form][contact-field label='Name' type='name' required='1'/][contact-field label='Email' type='email' required='1'/][contact-field label='Website' type='url'/][contact-field label='Comment' type='textarea' required='1'/][/contact-form] 

Dragging Harry from Hole to Hole #releasethepast #livinginthenow #relationshipAdvice #oldMemories #creatingYourAmazingFuture

Life is like the story about a Master Golfer, who had trouble letting things go. When asked how his golf game was, his answer: “It was rough. Harry had a heart attack on the seventh hole. The rest of the game was—swing—drag Harry—swing, drag Harry!”

Though I laughed when I first heard that joke, I know that my entire life has been about dragging the past behind me like a wrecking ball waiting to crash into my perfectly crafted NOW. What exactly can we do to finally rid ourselves of that heavy weight that keeps us from all that we deserve in this lifetime?

1. Take the time to go through the objects in each of the rooms in your home. Bring an empty box with you, as you go through drawers and boxes stored in each room of your home. Remove everything. Look at it. Decide it you need to continue to keep the reminder of your past—good or bad. Begin to fill the empty box with the past. I started with my bedroom. I was shocked at how many things were crammed under the bed, shoved in drawers, and packed in boxes in the back corner of the closet. I would sit with each box, like a prayer that I might say for the last time, knowing that my order had already been placed in the spirit. I no longer needed to request the same list of desires from God again. God listens! I’m the one who keeps bringing up the past and hoping it will change. I removed four full boxes of old memories, just from my bedroom. Metaphorically, that means I have been subconsciously sleeping with these memories every night. Some of the articles I gave away. Some I threw away. Some I recycled, like old pictures of times I will never get back, nor would want to.

2. Trust that the present is the perfect place for you to reside! Sometimes, life is difficult to understand but understand you must. Once, a friend took his own life after dinner with him the day before. First, I grieved hard—sitting in utter confusion. Now, I see that life is extremely fragile. We often don’t know people’s hidden struggle. Spirit asks us to look for signs, for anomalies, and ask—keep demanding truth and authenticity in every area of your life.

3. Don’t pick up new things to hold on to, on your way through life. If you keep filling up your arms with things to hold, you miss reaching out to touch the new and wonderful things all around you. Don’t worry about losing what you once had. Spirit is big enough to continue to let prosperity flow through you as you give and receive daily.

4. Lastly, live life daily with the thought that tomorrow may not come. I’m always surprise how much fear dissipates just by believing this simple thought.

***

If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

 

This book is about growing spiritually in the face of being disenfranchised from churches because of being gay. We have our own spiritual path to follow, no matter who decided we weren't worthy. Take the time to read this and move through the 365 daily discoveries toward developing your own path toward the light, whatever that may be. There are no rules here! I promise you won't be sorry!

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If I’m Still in Love with You, What Am I Going to Do? #ThePast #relationship #relationshipAdvice #oldMemories #creatingYourFuture

Suzi came into my office crying. I handed her a box of tissue and led her carefully to the most comfortable chair farthest away from me. Between sobs, she shared that her live-in boyfriend of one year had left her on Valentine’s Day, because he was afraid of the commitment. She didn’t know what to do, because she loved him so much. Her heart was broken, torn in two, by a dude who certainly didn’t deserve to be in Suzi’s life, let alone live with her three-year-old son. “Ah, Suzi! What were you thinking?” is all I wanted to say. Yet, I said little for another twenty minutes, while she shared the rest of the drama that led her to my couch.

What exactly is intimate love? Is it pheromones, oxytocin, soul connection, sexual attraction, or is it two people with compassion and friendship, who also have a sexual attraction? In most cases, the latter is what develops, while the other factors are the contributing enemies. But most therapist and psychologists these days are saying that Attachment Theory is the contributing factor to all intimate relationships. The only relationships that are worth keeping are the secure ones, which are in the very rare minority.

My first question to Suzi: “When you first met Joe, what attracted you most to him?”

She replied dreamily, “He had big, blue eyes and a smile that led me to his lips before the night was over.”

“So, you kissed that first night? Is that all?”

Now Suzi became shier. “Well, we went a little further than that.”

By that, I’m sure she meant the couple had had sex on the first date. This is the first sign of Anxious Attachment for Suzi, which developed from her childhood. I’m not a psychotherapist, but this kind of information stewed in my mind. My intention, as a Life Coach, was to have led Suzi to multiple, healthy choices that would change her life. But, to get to those choices, I had to understand what she faced with this apparently, Avoidantly-Attached boyfriend.

I asked her another pertinent question: “How long was it before Joe moved in?”

She answered, “He was about to sign another year lease with her apartment complex and asked me if I’d rather he just move in with me, so that we could split expenses. This was about six months into the relationship.”

“And you were comfortable with bringing a man into your son’s life and into your life after only six months of dating?”

She answered, the sobs diminishing as she spoke, “Well, I figured, if he wanted to move in with me, that meant he was committed to the relationships.”

Interesting theory. She never considered, until after this conversation, that the reason Joe wanted to move in with her was because she was a successful businesswoman. Suzi could provide for Joe, while he played music for next to nothing and conveniently lost his part-time job after the first month of living with her. Then, she let him babysit, sleep late, and watch television, while she worked. Oh, my God!

Here is the deal: Anyone can see that this story is wrong, wrong, wrong. All you have to do is get outside of the situation to see that Suzi had been used. She was too needy for a sexual and meaningful relationship and a father figure for her child to see the very real, potential dangerous circumstances. My thought, immediately, was that Joe found a more comfortable living situation with less responsibility. He probably thought having a child made him too attached to Suzi, so he bolted at the first chance he got. Suzi’s overwhelming emotions were based on situational issues from a man that never really loved her as much as her enjoyed the idea of having free sex with a hot woman who could support him and his mediocre music career without much effort on his part.

While you search for a secure, loving relationship, leave sexuality out of the equation. Sex does nothing but causes unrealistic attachment to people who are likely only there with you for the sex and for the potential for dependency. If someone is willing to get to know you—before intimacy—you probably have found a more secure individual.

Suzi kept coming for coaching for another couple months, while we sorted through her options. One thing is for certain: she needed to keep Joe out of her life and especially out of her child’s life. When, and if, she found someone who was compatible, compassionate, and loving, she needed to take her time with the relationship, and certainly, wait at least six months before she introduced her child to this perspective relationship. I helped her realize that she had two children to take care of—the one inside of her broken heart that never had secure love. And she had a very real three-year-old child who didn’t need to develop unhealthy attachments at an age when he had no choices at all. Both children needed her to be steadfast in her decision to be an adult in her next relationship, forgoing touch and intimacy until it was safe to enter in.

***

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[Bo Sebastian’s relationship book: “Your Gay Friend’s Guide to Understanding Men” was on the NY Times Bestseller’s List. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypno-therapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and Given the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian, the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior, challenges you with any of his 13 books, healing CDs (weight loss, meditation, smoke cessation and more) or his Yoga DVD on Amazon or Amazon/Kindle: Go to Amazon Now!]

Old Photos: The Story of Our Lives #nostalgia #junkthepast #memories #oldmemories #creatingyourfuture

Old Photos: The Story of Our Lives
#nostalgia #junkthepast #memories #oldmemories #creatingyourfuture

Two dear friends are moving at the same time I am. We’ve all noticed that when we get to a drawer or a box of old photos, we press the pause button. I have spent an hour or two unpacking boxes with photos, only to keep 3-5 of them and trash the rest. The reason why I kept the ones I did was because they were of my grandmother or mother when they both were young. I like the idea of seeing them vibrant and healthy! The rest—what are we to do with all these memories—some bad, some great? My mom even had a picture of my dead grandmother in a casket! Really?

The picture of our past represent times we wanted to remember; otherwise, we wouldn’t have taken or kept the photographs in the first place. Ten to fifty years ago, remember that it wasn’t so easy to get a camera, film, and then pay for the development of a photograph. The cost was high and the sentiment deeper than today. However, as I sorted through my past by means of these pictures, I realized that the more I held on to old memories, the less room I had for new and wonderful memories.

An old hypnosis “walk-down” exists that really tells this story: The hypnotist gets the client very relaxed and takes him/her into a hallway of doors. When the client walks down the hallway, he or she begins as a young person, as early as he/she can remember. Then, the hypnotist invites the client to imagine holding a basket. As the client begins down the hallway, he or she is to imagine that it is the pathway of life. As in life, you meet many people as you grow older: friends, old teachers, enemies, family, abusers, and lovers. Each memory comes out of a door as a person from your past and hands you something that represents who they were to you, as he or she places an object in your basket. By the time you get to the present moment, your basket is so heavy that you can’t hold it any longer—with good and bad icons from the past. At the end of the hallway of door, you get to an golden, light-filled archway that has a wide gap between you and a blissful place. To get to this heavenly paradigm of peace and joy, you must take a large leap. If you don’t put down the basket, you will never make it to the new place. The story is: Can you lay down all of the past—the good and the past to see exactly who you are without this heavy mantel draped over you? Can you live without all that has shaped you and trust that you have kept what you need in your soul to take this huge leap into a new day?

I love this metaphoric trip and have been sorting out the very things that keep me from experiencing all that I can be today and tomorrow. Forget about the past and how it has weighed you down for so long. The past has never served you. Even its lessons are here with you in the present. The lessons don’t linger with the memory of the old. Our present thought has been forged by the past. This would be as if you brought a drill, a hammer, and chiseling tools to the next art exhibit of your beautiful sculpture. We don’t need to see the tools to experience the beauty that the past has carved into your life!

***

If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

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[Chosen to show his new hypno-therapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and Given the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian, the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior, helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Challenge yourself with one of his 13 books, healing CDs (weight loss, meditation, smoke cessation and more) or his Yoga DVD on Amazon or Amazon/Kindle: Go here to buy the books!]

Cath Labs, Cute ER Doctors, & Compassionate Pain #relationshipadvice #compassion #falsealarm #sympatheticpain #heartattacks

Cath Labs, Cute ER Doctors, & Compassionate Pain
#relationshipadvice #compassion #falsealarm #sympatheticpain #heartattacks

Three years ago, my mother had been complaining about pain in her arm, she felt dizzy most days, and her energy level had been depleting on a consistent basis. Of course, I booked an immediate doctor’s appointment and got her checked out. At first, her problem appeared to be her carotid artery. So, no emergency there. But, when she had a heart work-up, it appeared she needed a stent or two, because she had blockages in a couple of her arteries, and stents are small mesh tubes that are used to treat narrow or weak arteries, which move blood from the heart.

As I scheduled the appointment, went diligently through the motions of getting to the hospital catheterization lab, early in the morning, for all the tests that would prepare her for the stent operation; I, then, went through the grueling process of waiting. My oldest sister, my mom’s best friend and I were at the helm, getting coffees, taking rotations to the bathroom, and to the cafeteria. Three hours later, the family was called to the hallway to have a meeting with Mom’s heart specialist. He told us that Mom’s blockage was way to bad for a stent, and she had to have an emergency triple bypass. Only one of us would get to talk with her before she was given anesthesia. I was chosen.

When a parent, close relative, child, or friend is in a life-threatening situation, the worst goes through your mind. I wondered if my mother would make it out of this operation alive. Had I been a compassionate son? What was the last thing I had said to her, when she complained over and over about the same aches and pains? Did I make it to the batter’s plate, time and time again, when God called me to be a good son? Many pertinent questions filled my mind as I wandered the winding halls of the basement laboratories to find my mother in a tiny, curtain-drawn cube, alone and scared.

I couldn’t grab her fast enough and hold her tightly, while we both cried. She was in shock. Though I, also, was in shock, I told her she would be fine and that I would be the last face she would see before the operation and the first she would see afterward. My mom and I have a very close bond, albeit somewhat codependent relationship. No one in the world loves me more and is prouder of me than her. I can count on that love daily. So, losing her would be a heartbreak, for sure.

Hours past before we heard that she was okay and in recovery. All who were close, spent the next few days taking turns in the hospital, making sure she never had to make a decision alone after what she had gone through. When she returned home, she recovered quickly. In fact, I’ had never seen anyone go through bypass surgery with such ease. She was on a treadmill the day after the operation and out of the hospital door in two more days. When I had to give her a shower, her scar frightened me more than leaving her alone to wash the places of her body I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to reach.

Two days after her return home, I began to have pains in my chest. I couldn’t catch my breath. Suddenly, I was afraid I was having the very same heart problems my mother had just had. Of course, I told no one—especially her. I simply went to an emergency doctor’s appointment and got my sister to take care of my mom. After ten minutes in the doctor’s office and an echo cardio test of my heart, the physician announced, “Don’t be frightened, but I think you’re having a heart attack! A gurney will be here in two minutes and you’ll be wheeled to the emergency room for more tests. Thanks for visiting us!”

After eight long hours on a hard bed, back and forth to the Cath lab, tons of cute doctors and nurses checking me out, and me checking them out, I was diagnosed with GAS! You heard it right. Twenty thousand dollars later, I had gas. Since I hadn’t eaten in eight hours, I didn’t even have gas anymore. What I did have was frustration, anger, and a very hungry stomach, and possibly, some relief.

So, what did I learn from this situation? Sometimes, when you are so compassionate to someone whom you love, dealing with a stressful situation, or not taking care of yourself because of the aforementioned, you can end up having sympathetic pains, compassionate heart attack symptoms, and, you guessed it—gas!

***

If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

This Book is a guide to spiritual discovery. It has 365 daily discoveries that will lead you to your own personal connection with the divine. The first chapter is all about the seven step of change. Thereafter, I give you stories about my personal spiritual growth or a client's situation to teach how to garner your personal power!

[Chosen to show his new hypno-therapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and Given the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian, the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior, helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Challenge yourself with one of his 13 books, healing CDs (weight loss, meditation, smoke cessation and more) or his Yoga DVD on Amazon or Amazon/Kindle: Click here to go directly to Amazon to looks at my bookshelf.]