Perfectionism—The Diabolical Trait

Perfectionism—The Diabolical Trait

If you are hard pressed to stop any personal action before it is absolutely perfect, raise your hand? Aghhh.

Now that both hands are raised—high, I can’t type. I could try using my toes to type, but I don’t think I would be all that perfect at getting things spelled correctly and at phrasing the grammar quite right.

What a hard life it is when you believe that everyone, including God, is judging everything you do down to the last iota. “I can’t go to sleep until all the dishes are out of the sink, my clothes are pressed for the morning, my dresser drawers are in order, my emails are answered, and I’m sure my schedule is exactly to where I can accomplish for the next day! UGGGHHHH! HELP! HELP!”

Listen, I know what you’re feeling, my friend. I grew up with a perfectionist, narcissistic Dad who wanted—needed everything exactly the way perfect, or no one in the family was happy.

One day, when I was about eight, my dad came home from a local bar about 10 P.M. and found a dirty dish in the cabin. He proceeded to break every dish in the cabinet, wake up all six motherless children, and had a family meeting on a school night.

I remember quaking in my pajamas. What is this raving lunatic going to do next? Of course, he made us clean up his mess. I am not sure how we got dishes for dinner the next day, but I do remember that awful night.

I also got a quick dose of how to be a co-narcissist with ease by the age of eight. Just simply do everything that I was told and don’t have an opinion. I saw fairly quickly that my siblings who had an opinion got on Dad’s shit list and got beaten for it. I was way too much of a pansy to be vying for any beatings from an ex-semi-pro football player parent.

In psychology, to be a narcissist you have to have a co-narcissist. Just like if you want to be a dependent, you have to have a conspirator, a codependent. Co-narcissists learn many of the behaviors of the narcissist by default, but it’s more for survival sake. Much like the narcissist, the co-narcissist must be perfect too. His/her reason is because he doesn’t want the perpetrator to see anything wrong with him to protect him from harm or mental abuse. But then this usually creates another psychological problem as an adult—OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) or worse yet, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

An OCD person is one to color code her closet or make sure pictures on the wall are exactly two inches from the ceiling and 22 inches from the floor and perfectly level—using a level. This same person wants to get all A’s in school. 98% is not good enough.

“What did I do wrong? How can I be better the next time? Everyone is looking at me and pointing a finger of disapproval. I can’t be a bad boy, because God is just like Daddy. I will be punished for eternity if I smoke a cigarette or have premarital sex. “

The story goes on and on and on. I don’t want to be on the merry-go-round any more. I’m sure you don’t either. It’s time to get off of the perfectionism train. The next stop —“I’m Human!”

Yep. That’s all it takes to get off that train destined for the end of the line. Just admit to yourself and the others around you that you are human and capable of mistakes. It’s that easy. Then you’re off that godforsaken train forever!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Ashes, Ashes—We All Fall Down!

Ashes, Ashes—We All Fall Down!

I’m not one to force anyone into a new paradigm of thinking. But it doesn’t take a professor of psychology to know that all of us fall short of our expectations sometimes in life. If you can agree with that assumption, then you will automatically release yourself from loads of self-condemnation.

Many clients walk through my doors with the idea that somehow all of their self-deprecating thoughts can be vanquished with one hypnosis or life coaching session. First of all, no thoughts can be annihilated from your mind. Thoughts can be changed. The amount of negative output can vary greatly. But attachment-causing, negative behavior supersedes the functioning brain. Most times, we aren’t even aware of our impulsive behavior until after it has caught us off guard.

This is the reason I speak so much about learning to become the observer of the mind and body. From the perspective of the observer, you can notice small behavior changes, such as your eye twitches when you are becoming anxious. Perhaps, this twitch can be a trigger for you to do to a self-hypnosis or NLP or EMDR treatment on yourself that you have learned in a session. Maybe, as a result of catching the behavior before it manifested into full-blown anxiety, you have saved yourself from losing a day of depression or self-deprecating thinking.

I have a problem with rejection. If you had a mother who left you at a young age with an alcoholic father, you probably would have a strong problem with anxious attachment, as I do. I don’t blame my mother for her behavior. In fact, I spend as much time as I can letting her help me heal from the separation anxiety. Fortunately, I have a mother who is willing to restore the patterns that were lost during childhood.

So, knowing my problem with rejection exists, I developed a self-hypnosis trigger with an affirmation that says, “Direction, not rejection!” 

When I feel a strong sensation in my stomach that someone is going to leave my life because of an action or voicing a strong opinion, I hit the trigger hard with my affirmation and self-hypnosis techniques. I have found that the more I commit to changing the systemic problem of rejection in my mind, the easier it becomes every time I decide to release from the old behavior.

I may never be completely emptied of this trigger response, but I do have every tool to help my life feel more normal and enter into a secure relationship safely. Your life can also be eased into change if you have a partner or spouse who is willing to be a mirror for you and your issues. If that partner will let you speak honestly about what comes up when these triggers are touched, then you will safely retreat from them.

I feel extremely fortunate to have one of the most compassionate, secure partners I have ever met. There is never a time when I have had an issue when he hasn’t been completely understanding and loving. If a time does come up in the future when he can’t be compassionate, I will know that we have found an issue to work on for him. I, too, will then be willing to be compassionate and loving in the wake of his discovery.

Relationships are a day-to-day understanding of one pertinent thought—some day in the future, one of you will leave the relationship either in death or in need of another relationship. With that being said, acting as a realist and not a pessimist, the best way to keep a relationship healthy is to live it everyday to the fullest extent.

If you have found stagnancy in your relationship, first, understand the above premise. Make sure you are committed to making the paradigm shift needed to bring back intimacy into your relationship. Then approach your partner with honesty and authenticity. If you are afraid that he or she will not be on board, you aren’t in a secure relationship anyway. You might as well know the facts, so that you can move on. Otherwise, your secure partner should be ready and able to help you both get back on track.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Your Brain Has No Delete Button!

Your Brain Has No Delete Button!

I’m taking a big, deep breath. I just spent three hours editing a document. After which, I noticed that the table of contents updated itself without my wanting it to. So, I deleted the old table and copied the one I wanted into the document.

I wanted to see if the new, unformatted table would try to update itself, so I saved the document, closed it, and the reopened it again, watching to see if the table updated itself. I was relieved it didn’t. But I didn’t realize the reason it didn’t was because the rest of the document was gone. I discovered that what I saved was only the table of contents. The rest of the document I had been working on all day had inadvertently been deleted. I’m actually not sure how it happened, but now all I have left of the document is the table of contents.

Deep breath. Deeper breath. Still not deep enough. My heart is fluttering.

My entire day of work—lost. Why did that happen?

Well, you know me. I’m not one to think that things don’t happen for a reason. Something was wrong with my intent or the direction of what I had done to the document. Instead of being angry for the loss of work, I should sit still and ask the simple question: What do I need to change about how I approached my work today, so that tomorrow I won’t lose my work again? I might as well get a fresh new look at the project.

In the days of our modern computers, I can’t remember the last time I deleted a document without it being saved. I’m saving documents or auto-saving every few minutes. I have back-ups on the Icloud, back-ups on my computer, back-ups on my phone, and back-ups on my thumb drive. We typically don’t lose work these days.

Is anything really deleted? Is what I did today lost completely? We tend to think that only electronic equipment can save things, but our minds have the capacity to memorize and reorganize at a miraculous rate. I know a woman who must have everything she has ever read stored somewhere in her brain. She knows something—usually more than anyone else in the room—about almost everything you could mention. If she can remember almost everything she sees or reads, then brains must have the capacity to store data just like computers.

For instance, does a day go by when you don’t think about your one true love? Can you remember Christmas when you were ten? Did something special happen in your past that just won’t go away no matter how hard you try?

I have a few clients who come to a hypnotherapist hoping to be able to erase an old relationship. The unfortunate news is—you can’t! You can rewire your mind to think positive thoughts instead of negative ones when you think of that person. But, there is no way that the mind can simply dump memories. That is, unless, you have amnesia. Even then, doctors believe that the memories are still hidden somewhere in your subconscious just waiting for the right stimuli to cause a total recall.

Our brains have no delete button. You can’t go to the right hand corner of your head and tap there, hoping to backspace away what happened in the past. You must cope, deal, and restrategize with the information that is already in your mind, in your DNA, and in your cellular memory. We have no other choice.

Fortunately, there are ways to take old neuro pathways and cause new results! I thank God every day for hypnotherapy, (NLP) NeuroLinguistic Programming and (EMDR) Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. All of these healing modalities help you rewire the brain. Even pain can greatly diminish with one or more of these treatments. I have felt the change that I speak about and greatly recommend these modalities of therapy. Branches of these therapies also include: Parts therapy, Attachment theory and therapy, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

Do a search in my blog for any of the above modalities or search Google. If you are having trouble forgetting the past and waste more than ten minutes a day reliving a part of your past, it’s time to try one of the above therapies. You can change your life. The future must be in your hands.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

When We're Hungry...

When We’re Hungry…

There is nothing so painful than being hungry and not having any food to eat. I’ve experienced the feeling a few times in my life. I’ve also experienced fasting for one to five days. A very interesting phenomenon happens after you overcome the first couple hunger attacks. You actually stop being hungry. You get thirsty, if I remember correctly, but hunger ceases. In fact, when you decide you want to eat again, you must decidedly and slowly eat small amounts of easily digestible food; otherwise, you’ll make yourself sick.

When I was in my late twenties, I set out on a spiritual quest. Part of my journey was trying to isolate the passions and hungers of the physical body. When I fasted, my physical desires greatly diminished. I can understand why monks and students of spirituality find some great solace in fasting.

Hunger is not just a reaction that happens when our bodies need nourishment, though. Hunger happens in many different aspects of our lives. We can be hungry for love, for fame, for truth, for God, for intelligence, for sex, or for wisdom—to name a few. But hunger, by definition, is a strong desire or craving, not just a desire for nutrition.

Hunger for love, for instance, can feel like a deep, gnawing pain in your gut, similar to food hunger. A hunger for fame can lead to making choices that compromise your authentic self. A hunger for sex can lead to disease and promiscuity.

However, an insatiable urge for something can also be put there by Spirit God. For instance, a strong need to be loved or for sexual intimacy, can lead you to a search for a compatible date. That meeting could lead to the love of your life, if you can separate intention from hunger, direction from urge.

Fairly recently, I had become single after a year-long try at making an anxious-avoidant relationship work. If you have an avoidant lover in your life, you might as well cash in your chips. The likelihood of the relationship working is not in your favor. So, I let go.

I decided to wait for a few months to date again. What made me begin to date again, was a strong desire for intimacy. I could have done what a lot of people do after a bad break-up. I could have looked for a casual sexual experience to appease my needs, but I understood that my desire was much deeper than physical. Personally, I think that most of hungers are not just skin deep. I didn’t need a quick fix, and you probably don’t either. In fact, I don’t think I ever really needed a temporary bandage for my intimate desires. I am what a lot people call a serial monogamist. I find one person to love. Then I pour out my amazing love on that very lucky individual. LOL

My friend Sharon has this constant hunger for knowledge. Maybe it’s just for continual growth toward something work related. But she finds a way to channel this energy into something that is always a palatable choice. Her last endeavor has ended up becoming a trip toward another Masters Degree. At fifty-four, she is finishing her paper as I write this, making her more valuable in the work place.

A hunger for fame may start out to be a strong desire to sing in public. You may realize that the only work that makes you feel whole is to be singing. But when you break it down, you realize that the singing isn’t the entire deal. The reward is mostly the applause at the end of the song. The reward very rarely is the money involved, especially in Nashville, where money for singing is a thing of the past, unless you’re a famous recording artist.

Soon, a person hungry for fame, may realize that his/her true hunger is a true desire to be loved, honored, and appreciated by peers. If this is true, then the feelings you get from applause, can probably be captured in other ways in your life, if you find a divine purpose for your talents and knowledge.

I started out with a Christian record deal and ended up a professional writer, vocal coach, yogi, life coach, and clinical hypnotherapist. I still love to sing and act, but I find that it is easier to appease my artistic desires if I look for ways to use my artistic talents for things like singing at church or in Community Theater. I have an acting agent, and I love auditioning, but I don’t depend on my art for my sole support.

So, “when we’re hungry,” as the song says, “love… attention to our true needs, and a strong desire to understand our spiritual will… will keep us alive.”

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

A Hard Thing to Say

A Hard Thing to Say

Most of us rarely speak what’s truly on our minds. The laws of etiquette and compassion keep us from sharing what may truly be bugging us. Why do we not consider that our own security and comfort is as important as others?

Many psychotherapists believe that there are people who have been brought up in religion and with a social paradigm that teaches that being selfish or taking care of your self is not of God. The act of putting oneself first feels narcissistic, instead of honoring. These types of people who believe this tend to become caregivers as a profession or end up being hard-working parents who will do everything for their families before they ever tend to one of their own physical needs.

Unfortunately, the one physical need that is inherently important to satisfy, because the body won’t function without it is food. So, many people who don’t generally bother with self-care, will finally get hungry. In that moment, he or she will pick the most satisfying treat to fulfill the physical need of hunger and also the gaping hole that exists in his/her heart. I would guess that the food would be something sugary or filled with no nutrition, but have a wonderful and satisfying taste. This, of course, begins a path toward obesity, which won’t change unless something catastrophic happens, like a heart attack or high cholesterol or cancer.

I had a physician friend I dated for a couple years. During that time he would work four, twelve-hour shifts as an ER doctor, then he would also do his four days a week at his walk-in clinic. Of course, his body was wearing away, his health was breaking down, and even his brain wasn’t functioning normally—all as a result of feeling as if he had to fulfill his desire to care give and a need for more financial stability.

What he didn’t stop to think of was that, if he got a heart attack, who would take care of his ailing patients? Who would take care of the bills? He continued to over work, until he ended up having a heart attack. When this happened, he cut down to one job—the day clinic. He also told me that he began to monitor his diet. He decided that vegetarianism was a good plan. He got on a exercise and aerobic regimen. Soon, he was feeling like he had gained ten years of life.

His entire life changed because he took time to take care of himself. However, the bad news is that it took a heart attack for him to wake up! Do we really want to wait that long to change the negative input in our lives? How long will it take you to give up drinking too much, smoking cigarettes, over-indulging in sweets or carbohydrates, and over-committing your time and energy?

All of these things are eating away at the precious time and life you have here on this earth. Do you really want to waste away physicially and not have any moments left for joy and peace?

These are questions that I asked myself a few years ago, when I worked 50-60 hours a week trying to beat the clock about time, money, and relationship. I realized, then, that bliss doesn’t exist on this human plane.

Bliss and fulfillment exists on a plane above joy and pain. We must learn to dwell with the angels in the observer side of our minds to experience true peace. This oneness is not only the path to joy, but it also fulfills every other path you may be seeking: life purpose, relationship, guidance, and general direction.

Having a connection in meditation allows you the power to create and change your human nature in a way you would never expect. One simple moment of quiet a day can change your life forever.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Natures Natural Atrophy

Nature’s Natural Atrophy

This morning, while looking at my flower beds, I noticed that the day lilies had almost completely faded, leaving way for the summer blooms—the morning glories, four-o’clocks, moon flowers, black-eyed susans, zinnias, mandevilla, roses, marigolds These are hardier flowers that can stand lots of sun and less water. The flowers requiring lots of water and a cooler temperature like hydrangea begin to turn brown and the flowers grow limp and colorless as they die off. A natural atrophy occurs in nature to make room for the new flowers that will find strength in the different atmospheric condition.

Moving forward with my theory about nature showing us metaphors for our daily life, there is also a natural atrophy in relationships—especially friendships. As I change and grow toward my spiritual and work-related goals, I find that the people I mingle with also change. My older friends, some of whom built a foundation for the more profound friendships I have now, are no longer close at all.

At first, the feeling of losing close friendships ate away at my heart. Every time I would think about someone who had been intimate and close and who was now in the distant past, my soul ached. The more I look at nature, though, the more I realize that the old friendships move away to make room for the relationships that can flourish in this new part of my life.

Let’s take away any hardships that had occurred in the relationship. Let’s release any misunderstandings that may have gone untold. Let us realize now that the only thing that is important is that you retain the value of the old relationships and move on with your life. This would include the new friends who can support you exactly where you are now. Nothing else really matters but the present.

I find that some of my old friendships, as close and as loving as they had been through some very rough times, don’t actually reflect who I am now. I wouldn’t have minded bringing those friendships into my present life, but life simply wouldn’t allow the different parts of my life to merge, much like the day lilies, with each bloom lasting only one day. If you missed the flower that day, you simply never got to behold its beauty.

However, there are old friends in my life who seem to be growing in the same direction as I am. These people flow in and out of my life like waves that occur at different cycles of the moon. Their richness never ceases. Timing, however, makes our rendezvous flourish in new and bright ways.

Nothing pleases me more than to see a friend I haven’t seen in twenty years and find that we have taken almost the same course to our present personal truths. My motto now is that there is no such thing as rejection.

Only Direction!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

How Can You Believe that I Forgive You, If You Don't Forgive Yourself?

How Can You Believe that I Forgive You, If You Don’t Forgive Yourself?

Yesterday in yoga class, I introduced a few of my helpers in the front row. Alas, I forgot the name of one of my oldest yogis, who was also in my yoga DVD “Boga Fitness.”

I immediately tormented myself with thoughts like “I hope she will forgive me,” “I’m so bad with names,” “the rest of the class must think I’m an idiot.”

About two minutes into the barrage of mental vomit, I realized that I was actually beating myself up in the middle of trying to teach people to be at peace with themselves and with God. My initial thought was: How can I believe that God forgives me, if I can’t even forgive myself of something so miniscule?

What Actions Do You Take to Forgive Yourself:

I have struggled my entire life to be the best person, best friend, and best worker so that I would never be in the position to need forgiveness. The problem is that we are not perfect. We make mistakes that hurt others. So, forgiving yourself can be contingent upon how quickly you come to the table with an authentic apology and the realization of your own imperfection as a human being.

Yesterday, I was able to immediately say to Suzie that I was sorry for forgetting her name. I also explained to the class that she had been an integral part of my yoga DVD.

How Does it Feel to Forgive Yourself?

This was where I got stuck. Once I asked for forgiveness from my client, and she seemed kind enough to give it, I didn’t allow the feeling to stick to my soul. I condemned myself again, instead of releasing the bad residual effects.

My counter to the self-sabotage was to imagine that God’s abounding love was all around me, entering my body through the frontal cortex of my brain, at my forehead. I considered rationally that God’s sacrifice of Jesus was more than enough for the forgiveness of my small mistake. I imagined an overwhelming presence of love dissolving the condemning thoughts and washing away the feeling of condemnation. I allowed a lightness to happen in my heart and body.

Confession

Confessing our misdeed of any kind is the hardest for all of us, especially if you lean to perfectionism or narcissism or co-narcissism. I actually confessed to my class what was going on in my brain. I told them what had felt after forgetting her name and the thoughts that accompanied that mistake. I showed my class that teacher can struggle, which was important for them to hear. It also took me off any kind of a pedestal they may have unintentionally put me on.

Then I asked them to go with me to a place of complete forgiveness in meditation. We all went together on the pathway toward the light and true, authentic forgiveness. I asked each person to define a time in life when he/she felt a sense of not being able to forgive him/herself.

This communal effort was the perfect key to stop the rest of the struggle in my own soul, as we all reached forward into God’s perfect forgiveness together.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Gateway to Happiness

Gateway to Happiness

Every time someone dies in my life, I think of one thing: Why am I wasting so much of my life in stasis?

Death is like pulling a “wake-up” card in your daily reading and stapling it to your forehead. “Hey, YOU! Life is short. You never know when your time is up! Get with it! Do what you’re here to do!”

I’ve been writing a great deal about our life’s purpose. There is a good reason. Without a clear vision of your future, you will cease to exist. I’m not talking that you will die physically. I believe you will perish mentally. You will end up in stasis and complacency.

Every year I used to take a week off in January, go to the beach, bring my journal, and plan for the next year. I would set achievable goals for myself. I would place thoughts about what would make me happy and joyful. I would create defined dreams for the future. I noticed that, as I did this, almost every goal would be achieved before the end of the year.

About three years ago, I went to the beach. The only thing that kept coming to my mind was… “your goal is to be ‘goal free’ for the entire year. See, if you can be led by the spirit every day.”

As I tried my best to stay out of my controlling mind—which is really strong—I watched as my level of complacency deepened. I didn’t know how to act without a goal. I am, by nature, goal oriented. I have always been this way. I set my mind to write 10 pages of a book a day, and you better believe those 10 pages are done, edited and printed or the rest of my day is useless.

I remember, even as a child, when I had something important that needed to be accomplished, I would say to myself: “If you finish your book report, then you can go outside and play! Otherwise, you have to stay inside and practice the piano.”

It was as if, I got the idea of parenting myself at a very young age. As I didn’t have a caring father or a mother that lived with my five siblings, there was no one but me to look after me. I just kept thinking, if I’m not brilliant and talented, then I will never get out of this hell hole of a town, and I’ll end up like all the losers that work at the steel mill and get cancer from the steel dust in my lungs. That was my motivation.

That was enough to get me a 4.0 in high school and get off to college on almost a full scholarship to Carnegie Mellon University. No parent helped me do my financial statements for a student loan. No teacher led me along the path of where I wanted to go. I just jumped in and did it. Fear never had a dwelling place when it came to getting things accomplished.

Making life happen is usually about removing the blocks to your creative mind. My friend Sharon has to play the piano, play the organ, clean the kitty litter box, and watch an hour of television before she can get to finishing her Masters Thesis. I always tell her, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to define a time to work and just work? Why do you have to go through this avoidance ritual?”

Her answer, “I just can’t seem to get motivated to do what I know I have to do.”

Isn’t this most people’s answer to my question?

Today is the day you are going to find the gateway to happiness. You are motivated to take whatever has been troubling you, holding you back, and standing in the way of your success and demolish it with your mind. You are going to envision the pathway to your success as clear and free. You no longer need to sabotage yourself or your career by playing small in this world. You are a magnificent piece of God—ready for the world to see, hear, and know!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

You Are God's Portion

You Are God’s Portion

I often wonder about my worth. Why am I alive? What am I “supposed” to do to fulfill the wishes of Spirit, of myself, of my parents and of my teachers? What could I be doing that I am not already trying to accomplish in life?

I’m sure there are many ways I could be more active in politics, fighting for human rights, feeding the poor, giving my time to charities, etc. But will any of these things actually fulfill that deep, gaping hole that bespeaks a hunger for evidence that I am carrying out my life’s purpose.

The word portion means “a part of a whole.” So, by definition, if I am God’s portion, I am a part of God. If I am a part of God, then I must also be a part of God’s purpose.

I believe that the reason most of us don’t understand our purpose on earth is because we don’t understand God’s purpose!

What could an all-knowing, omniscient Creator need from a world full of selfish humans? Why were we created in the first place? Are we God’s toys, children, or experiment? I want to know. I need to know. Otherwise, I will never understand my complete purpose on this earth.

So, it is with that thought I will explain why I believe God created humans on this earth. I’m explaining my belief, not because I need you to embrace it, but because it is important to have a basic understanding of God’s purpose to embrace your divine purpose, even if you make up a purpose that is palatable to you and you alone.

Bo’s Theory of Creation:  I believe that Divine Spirit was alone as one huge ball of splendid energy in a vast void. By separating itself and dividing into many attributes of the whole, every human spirit—living and dead—were pressed out from the center of this ball of energy—like the big bang and spread into the vast void, creating space. Some of the parts scattered as far as the dimmest stars in the heavens, and other stayed closer to the epicenter.

By individuating into parts, Spirit redefined itself as many different, yet equal beings. Like any child who strays from home, we have been searching for oneness ever since we have exploded into individuality—the epicenter of the initial energy is what has attracted our human existence from the beginning. We call this divine union—God.

By making the whole individual parts, many potential gods came into existence. Each had to learn the difference between good and evil, light and darkness to be like the whole, God. The perfect place to learn these lessons is on the earth, where both good and evil exist for the sole purpose of teaching humans.

I believe that we take turns in our spiritual clusters teaching each other lessons by playing different roles for the purpose of learning. This is why I believe our spirits must reincarnate many times until all of our lessons are learned.

This theory helps me see that even though someone is playing the Judas role in my life, he may be the exact blessing I need to help crucify a part of my mind that no longer serves my life.

So, my sole purpose in life is simply to live it completely and fully—to gain from it every lesson, every joy, and feeling I can attain. To be present and in the NOW, I must get the full human experience to move on to the next stage of my spiritual development.

I am now and have always been—God experiencing itself as many, individuated parts of the whole.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Our Deepest Desire Is...

Our Deepest Desire Is…

How many times in your life have you dreamed of sailing on the wind, higher than the trees and the world, carefree and almost weightless? I know that many of my most amazing visions have included flying. I remember a few dreams that felt as if I were a bird sailing freely through pathways of trees, back into the past, and breezing through the future. Last night, I dreamed I was a winged creature capable of flying quickly and easily through the earthly plane. I awoke feeling amazing, as if I had come out of my body and moved from the form of a caterpillar to a butterfly.

The dream made me wonder if my spirit were allowed to exist primarily outside of this human shell, if I would actually be able to fly. Who knows really? I do recognize that humanity has an innate desire to fly. As soon as mechanical devises existed, inventors tried hard to make one to fly, until the airplane was discovered. Even before that there are films of people trying to create synthetic wings to jump off of high cliffs, sometimes to their deaths, just to prove that humans could fly.

Then, of course, like the inhabitants of Babel, after the airplane, we wanted to sail higher than the world, to reach for the stars and invented rockets that flew to the moon and beyond.

Meditation is actually meant to liberate you from the constraints of the physical body. We are creatures that seem to feel trapped in our human shell and innately want to move toward what our spiritual nature is—our true Self. In my own imaginings and in many spiritualists’ accounts, the spirit is capable of flying, moving through space and time, and has the ability to change shape. If this were true, then during a meditation, we could imagine this blissful space, as we become the observer of the body and enter into a metaphysical state, which by definition is “out from” the body.

Many have tried to define the parameters of meditation. Buddhists would love to be in the simple silence. Christians and Jews are more apt to reach for meditation as a prayerful place where God and man become one. Other religions use a meditative place for worship. I am moving toward the idea that meditation is meant to give us wings to fly into a place where power and truth exist. In this place we find the spiritual gift of creation. What we bring back to the body in the form of faith could, and should, someday express itself in the physical.

Our entire spiritual walk is moving toward gaining this power, which is why our antagonist, the world, is so full of alluring ventures that draw us away from the pure power and peace that actually could give us everything we desire and need to be complete on this earth.

If today you could seek for one thing, what would that be?

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.