My Deepest Fear

My Deepest Fear

I often have clients who have been brought up in homes with narcissistic parents. For a narcissist be able to act out, he needs a coconspirator. This is called a co-narcissist. Just like having a dependent act out, you must have a codependent person involved. Often our knee-jerk behaviors are a result of being pushed into that co-conspirator position by the people who have shaped our lives from the beginning.

If you grew up in a narcissistic environment, chances are you never got to have a voice in your childhood. The parent who most influenced you was the one who took away your power of choice and argued away your opinion. When this happens, two things are likely to occur to the person as he or she tries to discern his/her own worth:

a.) she may become a very active caregiver and avoid her needs entirely, because she never learned to trust her instincts; or

b.) he may turn to knowledge as a way of avoiding heart matter.

The first behavior often brings with it one nasty habit—overeating. When a person can’t argue for him/herself, he or she metaphorically eats whatever behavior is being offered. This co-narcissist now gets spiritual indigestion—an acidy stomach that needs something sweet to calm it.

The metaphor is simple… when you can’t get another person’s nurturing, you may eat to get your fill of sweetness.

The second behavior causes the person to cut off all matters of the heart. He has never learned to act from the heart center. He learns by negative input from the narcissistic parent that that the issues of the heart cannot be trusted. The only thing that can be believed as true is fact. Facts can’t be disputed. Operating from intelligence only guards the person from ever being hurt again. However, it also keeps him cut off from feeling love and developing deep compassion.

Both patterns are completely detrimental on the path of loving oneself and loving another.

As adults who have experienced this kind of childhood, we find ourselves having enough energy to change for two weeks, then something happens that convinces us that the old tapes of our parent’s patterns are actually true:

“You really have no taste!” “I always have to help you, because you never do things right!” are the messages that loop in our brains. We think there is no way out of the constant barrage of old thought and retreating to past negative behavior.

You find that your deepest fears are of inadequacy, related to your childhood attachment. Though the truth is that we have proven ways of changing old patterns and neuro pathways. Time and commitment to change are essential, but these patterns can be coerced into new belief about yourself, which will ultimately change the negative attached behavior.

NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprosessing) and Hypnotherapy can be used together to change your knee-jerk reactions to positive ones, by helping you become an observer of your own human condition. When you observe yourself responding in a negative way, you now have the power to create a new input for the brain, as you erase the old patterning of the past.

Most of my clients need this kind of therapy to replace old thought with new, healthy neurology. This works, my friends! I see lives change daily. I see actions effectively switch from negativity to a positive ones every day.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.