Tripping on Duality

Tripping on Duality

I think myself an authentic man with wise principals, but often I fall short of them. Sometimes I get stuck between two opposing truths, equally strong, and I can’t decide what is right or wrong.

For instance, I know someone I love has a cheating partner. Do I tell my dear friend and risk getting involved where I’m not intended to be? Or do I go to the cheating partner and bare my heart? Or do I simply shut my mouth and do nothing?

Another for instance: I meet a very nice person and want to get to know him. The relationship is young—two or three dates. At almost the same time I meet the first individual, I meet someone else who is equally intriguing and nice. I decided to get to know them simultaneously, because I operate on the idea that I have made no commitment to either, nor am I involved enough to make a clear decision which, if either, is a good match.

I decide to date them both. Coincidentally or by Divine Intent, they both end up at the same small dinner party of 10. What is the lesson I’m to learn here?

I explained the situation to a dear friend before I was faced with a harsh reality of the two worlds colliding. His sage advice was to tell the truth to both of them. At the same lunch, two other friends disagreed. They suggested that neither of the guys I was dating know each other and that it would be in my best interest to protect my own heart by investigating both possibilities, not considering theirs.

But then there is the terrible uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have done something terribly wrong. I’m not on this earth to “play” people and treat them as pawns. I wonder about the entire dating process now. Can we intentionally take one person seriously if we are halfway involved with another? What is this, “The Bachelor?”

Dating is a strange and peculiar paradigm, especially at an old age, when the last thing you want to bring into your life is drama. I went to see the musical “Baby” last night. In one scene a young woman struggles to get pregnant with her husband, whose sperm isn’t working really well. They get exhausted by the ritualistic sex they must have to bare a child and lose any sense of intimacy in their relationship. The woman finds herself singing, “I have to feel. I can’t just breed…. I simply need... romance. The one thing in life which is simply worth living.”

Dating, some believe, is a ploy to make the planet populated. We desire each other to keep the population growing. That is why these feelings are in our hearts to be dating and falling in love. It’s in our human DNA. Yet, our hearts get entangled in webs of desire and needs. We lose sight of the idea that maybe, just maybe, there is a higher purpose for our lives and for our relationships.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

To Conquer the Fear of Death Is to Resurrect Your Life

To Conquer the Fear of Death Is to Resurrect Your Life!

Most of life’s worst dilemmas and fears are based upon one thing: the fear of death. When you face your own human demise with authenticity and truth, you liberate yourself from the one last wall between you and a bountiful life!

Almost every day as a Life Coach I help people face their fears, dramas, and addictions. Recently, though, I’ve spent a lot of time watching my own fears and sadness rise and fall like the tide. The metaphor is complete because the tide must have the moon and the atmospheric pressure to create the strength for the vast emotions of the water. It’s an external force that gives the ocean its power. As with fear, it also has an external catalyst or locus.

Every situation that we have ever endured over the years creates a myriad of neuro-pathways in our brain ready to be triggered at any moment. When the nervous system is triggered—I don’t care how healthy you are mentally—you are going to be driven by this tide of emotions.

But it’s the length of time I stay in the old emotions that has now changed for me.

A time existed when much of my emotions would be heightened by a bad situation. Then I would stay in the fear and anxiety for a long time. Now, as I have learned to be with my emotions and watch them from the observer mind (the frontal cortex of the brain), I can now be the compassionate listener and caregiver I have always craved. [Read: Yesterday’s blog as it pertains to meditation and getting to the observer mind.]

I went to lunch with a friend who had feared she was developing a severe illness. She had one symptom that she read is present in ALS Disease, which is a fatal illness. This one symptom could suggest many things, but her mind won’t let her focus from the improbable idea that she may be dying. Her external locus is stronger than her internal desire to be free of fear.

She suggested that she had been through enough in life. I agree. We all have. But the pertinent thought here is that what life is doling out, we reject. When this happens, a battle begins in which you won’t win. The first step to overcoming anxiety and stress is always to learn to accept the present as impermanent an ever changing. Sometimes its good, and sometimes its bad. But the truth behind it is always the same, Spirit God is not a respecter of persons.

Good people get diseases all the time. Tornados strike homes of the holy and devout. God is not punishing anyone with life’s stress and personal disease. Illness and weather are simply a part of the human reality. The first noble truth of Buddhism is to accept that life contains a certain amount of tribulation. When you get this concept and realize pain isn’t reciprocal of the good or bad that you do in life, you gain a vast compassion for your own human existence.

At this point in my life, when something unpleasant happens, I observe the situation and my place in it. After which, I discuss with my higher self, God, and my cognitive mind what are the proper ways to alleviate the stress, learn the proposed lesson, and get on with life. Lean into it, not away from it.

This paradigm contains the human resurrection of the mind. We regain control and compassion from one simple locus change. Now it is possible to feel something fully, accept it, and figure out a path to move forward.

I hope you have a wonderful Easter.

Bo

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

The Sound of Silence: Opus 15

The Sound of Silence: Opus 15

Plenty of people come to my yoga and meditation classes with one question: How do I get the voices in my mind to shut off?

The answer isn’t a simple one, because meditation isn’t about shutting down your cognitive mind. The river of thoughts known as the deductive/cognitive mind practically runs on its own volition. Thoughts move through the mind having many kinds of probable stimulus. You could smell a fragrance and the mind will, on its own volition, follow a thought that reminds you of that smell. You can hear a sound that brings up a recollection of person. Then your mind, again without your help, will move into the neuro-pathway that is connected to that sound. This isn’t of your conscious choosing.

So, the magic to understanding the quieting of the mind is not to stop the thoughts, but to rise above them and observe them. It is in the observation, the human mind and thoughts can be dismissed, like the sound of a young toddler asking a myriad of simple questions you’ve already answered one hundred times. You simply stop paying total attention to them and focus on something else, in this case—the spiritual.

Most meditative practices begin with a focus on the breath. When you make the inhales and exhales 6 counts in and 6 counts out: (1) you let the cognitive mind take control of the reptilian brain and body; (2) you slow down your heart rate; and (3) you lower your blood pressure. All of these things lead to a more relaxed, more empowered you.

The next step you do is to stop the control of the breath after about 3-5 minutes of breath work. When you let your body breathe on its own volition, you begin to learn to watch the inhales and exhales and make your body your own behavior study. You watch your body as if it is someone else. The further you can get from control of the body, the more meditative you’ll become.

Let each limb of your body hang as if it were first being controlled by puppeteer strings, and then cut off completely from the strings. They can’t move because your brain won’t let them. This part of your steering mechanism has been shut down.

Now the last part of a deep meditation is the focus on spiritual movement through the brain and into a positive, compassionate dream. You want to ask your brain to stop telling you what its thinking and begin to express with pictures in an imaginary mirror in front of you or reflecting off of a beautiful lake. Shut down the part of your mind that listens to your thoughts and focus fully on making your thoughts into pictures in front of your. Focusing your attention instead of your eyes as if there is something reflective exactly face to face with you.

When your body quiets enough, the physical eyes will begin to shut down and the mental pictures will begin to appear before you. If you can stay awake during this process, then you are meditating. If you fall asleep, you may have a beautiful dream that can also lead you to spiritual insight, but most yogis would not consider this a meditation.

I hope you have a great practice. Namaste.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

The On-line Scammer

The On-Line Scammer

I’ve waited about two months to tell you this story, because I sent the story in to a couple television stations during the time when Manti Te-o, the college football player had been scammed by his on-line girlfriend. I was in the middle getting scammed, figured it out, bating the scammer, and was trying to get the FBI or the news to take notice and try to catch the person. Unfortunately, no one came to my rescue or wanted to catch the son of bitch. But this is my story, and I hope you can learn from it.

I visited a dating site called OkCupid, which is known to help people find their life partners and dates. On the site I met a person who’s profile said he was from Atlanta. His picture was a robust, handsome man with three pictures: one standing by a road sign and two of him in combat gear.

His profile said that he was looking for the one. He was tired of all the crap and wanted to find a person who was real and could share the rest of his life with him. All of that sounded pretty damn good, and the person who was saying it was absolutely, stunningly gorgeous.

I didn’t expect to get an answer from this person, because I just thought I wasn’t in this guy’s league. So, when he answered and said that I was very handsome and he was interested in talking more, I was really excited.

He told me that he was in Iraq right then, but would be home in Atlanta in two months. He also said he really needed someone he could talk to while he was there. In his discourse, he asked things like, “Do you own a house in Nashville?” Now I realize he was trying to figure out if I had money. Then I didn’t think anything of it, because his response was about the house he owned in Atlanta.

He wanted to know if I could download Kik and chat with him on-line, because his GPS mechanism that would allow him to talk with me on that from over seas. I checked out Kik, which is a chatting service, and realized it was a solid on-line device, so I took the bate and began talking to him.

Since he was overseas, our conversations would be in the morning and late at night. He was loving, fun, caring and very romantic in conversations. After about three weeks, he began to admit to me about his fear about being in the war. One day I didn’t hear from him at all and got a bit frightened. When I did hear from him again, he said that his barracks had been under fire.

I remember asking him what time it was there. He answered 3 P.M. I checked the news and I checked the time in Iraq from Google.  The time in Iraq was supposed to be 7 P.M.  Also, there was no news of an attack. I began to get suspicious and probe deeper.

I noticed that the emails always had misspellings in them that an American would not make. At first, I just thought it was on-line and he didn’t care about spelling. But these were the same kind of pigeon language misspellings a foreigner would make. Even the dialogue was a little too formal, as I looked back at the conversations.

So I contacted authorities and said I had someone bated on-line that was clearing acting like a scammer. I thought someone would come and try to figure out this person’s whereabouts, especially since he was impersonating a military person.

I asked him to send another picture of himself. He sent a face picture that looked similar to the original person, but wasn’t the same man. But at this point I want to catch him.

Then the real telling of the story began. He waited almost a month to say that his camp had been destroyed and all he had left were the clothes on his back and no food. Then, of course, he needed money me to send him money, cashier’s check to a Nigerian account.

He told me that his sergeant was going to Nigeria to pick up supplies and that if I sent him some money he could get some clothes and food. He prayed on my innocence and the idea that he was starving and abandoned. At this point, even a fool would have been suspicious. I asked him a myriad of questions about why his officer would go to Nigeria. He had semi-legitimate answers to all the questions.

Then I said there was a tornado where I was and my house got hit bad. I told him that I couldn’t afford to send him the money right then, but I would try to send it when I got over the problems I was having. There was no letting up of asking me to send the money, despite hearing that my house had been damaged in the storm.

At this point I just stopped talking to him, because it was clear no one from any of the agencies I called was going to try and get this person.

The things to beware of when looking for on-line for romance:

• Bating—subtle questions about your finances;
• Conversations written in Pigeon English;
• The person is in a situation overseas;
• The person can’t talk on the phone, but can continue to talk on-line;
• Wants to talk to you on another device and with another address;
• He or she sends pictures that don’t look like the same person;
• Sends conversations that include situations that seem to be leading toward a disaster; and
• Of course, the obvious, asking to send money to off-shores account.

If after a couple weeks of talking, the any on-line perspective doesn’t want to meet for coffee, it’s probably not a real person, or a person who just wants an on-line friend. Remember, you have no idea if this is even the person in the picture until you meet. This is exactly why you have to take on-line experiences from 2 dimensions to a actual 3-dimensional, real place to see if test if they are the real thing.

On-line discourses for a long period of time can have people falling in love with an enigma, which isn’t good for anyone’s spirit, especially the person you are communicating with never intends to meet you.

It’s best to just move on at that point.

I hope this helps all of you who are authentically looking for a match on-line. Don’t let it scare you away from searching, just know that there are many more scammers on-line than there ever used to be.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Who Can I Trust

Who Can I Trust?

Lately I’ve been hearing horror stories of relationships past that have considerably clouded the idea of relationships present. In the telling, the question always comes down to the most enviable of ingredients in a sound couple: Trust.

How do you find trust? Who is worthy of your heart? Who is the person you can finally say to yourself, I can rest in his/her arms and believe I’m in a safe place?

No easy answer to this question exists, because trust comes from time—sometimes a long time of measurable actions and reactions to life from another person. When I look at the people I trust the most in life, I see people who have been steadfast for the long haul and have stayed and have been a solid rock of understanding, compassion, and love. This doesn’t happen over night. In fact, it sometimes takes years.

I believe many times I have been too anxious to trust in life. I have not allowed the storms of life to come and seasons to change to see the reactions of the person that I was with, before I gave my heart fully. I understand my mistake and realize I must be patient. “Slow and steady wins the race.”

I have a good friend who says that you should see a person through every season before you commit your heart. I believe this is more of a metaphor of life than an actual amount of time. Some people prove their good in life very quickly. You can see this, perhaps because they go to the same church as you and believe in a similar way. Almost immediately your heart and their hearts are connected.

Or maybe, in a way, you are what is called a “wound mate” with someone. A Wound Mate is a person who has experienced many of the same bad times and wounds that you have. Sometimes this person has had a similar childhood; sometimes they have experienced relationship disappointments in the same way you did; and sometimes it is just one thing like a rape, a twelve-step experience, or one kind of horrifying experience that most people never have in life.

With any of these scenarios, though, the propensity is to trust too quickly. Wounds don’t tell the story of a person’s character.

How a human deals with the wounds tells the story.

So, when you hear these horror stories from your new friends and partners, you need to be listening for the ingredient in a relationship recipe that brings a binding glue built on solid love. This one ingredient is the ability to grow “out from” a bad situation. This moving forward brings the seeds of love and compassion deeply needed for any mature relationship.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Preparing for the Cross—Part Four: Dream Your Future

Preparing for the Cross—Part Four: Dream Your Future

            Every day holds a new vision of what could be for you. Try not to limit God by thinking in specifics. Think about general things that you want to express in your life: great relationships, powerful and supportive friends, lots of money in the bank, a safe home, and an amazing job that you want to work at every day.

            If you have been following my story on Facebook, you might know that I was watching television two nights ago when, with no provocation, an amazing wind with the sound of a freight train, lifted the roof of my carport and storage shed right off and cut my electricity at the same time. As you can imagine, I was frightened to the core, as was my mother who was sitting on the adjacent couch.

            As I waited in the candlelit living room for Nashville Electric to show up, I thought of all the things that could have happened as a result of this accident. My car went unscathed—not one scratch, though it was directly under the carport. No planks from the roof went through the windows of my house, especially the one where I was sitting right in front of. Very few things were broken, because the wind came under the roof and lifted it straight off. Many angels must have been around me and around my house.

            I have been spending the last two days getting estimates and going through Insurance legalities to see what the universe is ready to reward me with. I decided to not look at this experience as a bad thing. I ended up getting a new roof out of it. I get my carport rebuilt and my storage area renewed. Good things can come from bad situations. And angels can protect you even in the midst of the storm. Believe for your best.

            Every year I make a vision board of what I want my life to look like, who I want to touch, and where I would like to travel. You can look up the words “Vision Board” in my index of Blog Titles to discover how to make one. I have been adding new things to it as I feel my life is transforming into a vast, undiscovered world. The rest of this trip to my future will fill in the blanks for itself as I follow my heart and the leading of God.

            Your board should expound upon each area of your life with simple, yet bold, thoughts and pictures about Finding Authentic You. Can you accept that the best you can be is ready for you right now? You must believe for that to happen.

            Let my blog and its titles be like a spiritual lottery. Every day or anytime you feel like you need a spiritual boost, I want you to either open the website to a random page and read that section, knowing it pertains to you. Or I want you to look through the alphabetized list of titles and see if something pops out at you to read. If that happens, know that what you read will be what you are led to hear in that moment to grow either spiritually, mentally, of physically stronger.

            Have fun. Know that I see you completely growing in peace and fully authentic already! Always know, as well, you can contact me on this blog, and I’m ready to pray for you specifically or we can schedule an appointment either personally or with Skype. Help and love and creative visualization are only a step away at all times.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Preparing for the Cross (Part 3): Looking at Your Past with Compassion

Preparing for the Cross—Part Three

Look at Your Past with Compassion

            Researching your past is much like me writing my screenplay and doing the research to create a palatable character.  What you are now is made of all the parts you were in the past. So, you must ask yourself questions like:

Ø What are your social, political, and religious views?

Ø Did you development them yourself, or were they placed upon you?

Ø Was there some trauma in your past that has changed the way you view the rest of your life?

Ø And my favorite question: What part of your human anatomy, fondly resembles your aging relatives? “Is it your belly that looks just like your daddy’s? Or is it your thighs that look just like grandmother?

            To make effective change you must discover what part of your thinking is actually yours and what was simply fed to you or done to you. In doing so, you have to sift out what no longer serves your life and replace those ways of thinking with ways that do serve you.

Life is like a threshing floor.

            Read the following statement aloud: “I release and let go of all things that no longer serve my life. I am open and willing for change!”

            After doing so, check out your body. Were you barely moving your lips? Were your legs crossed, arms crossed, or your lips so tight they are turning white?  Clearly, everything you have ever let go of had claw marks in it, right?

            Change takes openness. That’s for sure. And commitment. And true authenticity about everything that has happened to you in your past.” 

Making a Strong Commitment to Change

            Let’s try repeating this bold statement again.  Aloud. This time with meaning.  With your palms and arms open:

“I release and let go of all things that no longer serve my life. I am open and willing for change.”

            Let’s look at some of the questions you can ask yourself concerning your past history:

a.    How did your family life affect you? This is a huge question. But, to undo unproductive thinking, you often have to rediscover your family life patterns, and see how you’re reliving them NOW. No one likes to hear you are acting like your mother or father. But the truth is, sometimes we do. I know I can be a very controlling, just as my dad was, if I don’t watch myself with an authentic and compassionate eye. 

b.    What traits are you holding of your parents that you want to let go of today?

                                              i.     To make it easier, Let’s focus on just one trait and make a commitment for change in just this one area for now.  There is no better time than now to make this change.

            Everyday I hear stories from clients that change me, make me look deeper into my own soul for understanding. When I find myself drifting off into my own head and thoughts, while a client is sharing his or her story, I force myself back into the present moment and listen harder.  Why? Because I know that what he or she is saying is probably something I may be avoiding in my own self.

            We are all like mirrors to each other. When I look at you or am bothered by you, it’s really you holding up a mirror to a part of me that I am not wanting to look at. And I need to look at that part to become a better person.

            I’ve come to believe that if you don’t question your thoughts, you are probably suffering from some mental disorder, most specifically narcissism. This practice of self-exploration didn’t happen over night. In fact, it has taken me many years to realize that all that I have in this world is right here in this moment. I can choose to waste the moment, keep reliving it over and over with the same unproductive thoughts and unproductive actions, or be open and free to experience the next moment of precious life.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

The Way of the Cross - Part II: Resistance to Change

Release from Resistance to Change

I work with all sorts of different problems as a life coach and clinical hypnotist. With this one specific man, we were dealing with relationship issues. He was having trouble committing.

One balmy week in summer my client told me his mother was in town for a visit, and I gently suggested that she come in with him for his next session.  He didn’t think it was a problem, so we invited her.  Holy mother of God… was I in for a treat.

This particular man had trouble with monogamy. So, he invites his mother into the conversation by asking her in his NY Italian accent, “Ma, did you think that you could be monogamous to Dad when you married to him?”

She appeared to be a little reserved, sitting right at the edge of the couch beside him.  She fidgeted her hands.  “We--- ye--- see— hmm-- Ah, no.”

Honestly, I was pleasantly shocked by her forthright answer.

The son goes on. “Well, Ma, when you married Harry, did you think you could be monogamous then?”

She looked at me, then at him. “Mhhh, no!”

“How about Sherwood?” my client asks, now incredulous.

His mother moved so close to the front of the couch that I thought she was going to fall off. “Well, honey, maybe.”

Being the good life coach, I smile at his mother without judgment, then quickly focus on my client: “So, tell me, Dick, how does that make you feel?”

Richard is just about to launch into a diatribe about finally understanding why he was never able to be faithful to any of his partners, then looks at his mother and says, “Ma, You don’t understanding the definition of monogamy, do you?”

She says after a very long pause and a puzzled face, “Ah, no.”

Understanding what change is and allowing Spirit to help you define it for your life?

If you don’t understand how to add and subtract, you can’t expect to balance your checkbook. So, you’ve got to understand the tools of change, before you can expect effective results.

Change becomes much easier when you awaken each day believing that the now is all good. Everything is in its perfect place in time, even the tragedies.   Yes, even the tragedies.

In the fifth chapter of the Christian gospel according to Matthew, Jesus gives us some finer understanding of the meaning of change. This is what he says in 5^th Chapter of Matthew in the Beatitudes, from the translation, The Message:

 “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With Less of you, there is more of God…”

You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you;

If this is true, then I am led to believe that Jesus was saying that all things are in divine order, and letting go of what we believe to be the end result is the key.  All that you think, all that you experience, all that you are is not just an accident. And the tools of change are right within your grasp. The tools are everything that you are grappling with today. It’s every problem at work or in your relationships. But, you just have to acknowledge it and allow spirit to further define how to deal with each problem.

With a deeper look you may just discover that what you see around you is drawing you into the most effective change your soul needs at this very moment… to be happy.

Last night, there was a bad wind storm, perhaps a tornado. My mother and I were sitting in our living room watching television. Suddenly, without any warning or provocation, we heard what sounded like a freight train heading toward our window.

The wind picked up the roof on my carport and storage shed and literally ripped it right off the house. Scared the beJesus out of me. The lights went out. We were in the dark wondering what to do next and how to proceed.

Life happens in a second. You have to not only be prepared for change, but expect it at every moment. I got on the phone called a couple friends for advice. Then immediately moved toward repairing the damage and rebuilding my life.

The truth, what other choice do we have. At second look the next day, I guess my house could use a new carport paid for by my insurance. Let’s hope they think so.

Say a prayer for me.

Preparing for the Cross (the Pathway to Change)—Part One

I sometimes search outward for things that qualify me as a person. But, I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness.

As human beings we are ever evolving from the time we are conceived, until the time our spirit leaves the body in death. Sometimes there is growth, and sometimes decline. But one thing is absolutely certain, change is always happening.

Because we are spirit living in human flesh, that which is unchangeable by my definition—Spirit—is forced to enter on a pathway of time where change is not only necessary but inevitable. This is where the strange dichotomy of life begins and why we as spiritual beings are so resistant to change: Because by divine nature we were not meant to change. But on our human path, we are forced to.

The creation of something new from the change or metamorphosis of something already existing is as old as time. When leaves from deciduous trees fall to the ground, they make mulch and fertilize the ground for the next year.  Coal is pressurized over thousands of years to make diamonds.  The irritant, a grain of sand in an oyster changes to a beautiful pearl. Existing water from floods and swamps evaporate to form clouds, which eventually produce rain, which make crops grow, then feed the world.  So, also from the sometimes-battered wreckage of our past, something new and wonderful is being created right now in the world, in you… in me.

Step One: Recognize That Change is Inevitable

Have you ever heard that saying, “I’m like a picture, developing from the negative”?  The truth of this statement in your life is the genesis of our journey together toward effective and necessary change.

I wish for you to experience joy daily.  But I don’t think joy can be experienced while a person is resistant to change, because change is always present and always knocking on our door, every moment, every second of every day. Not one moment in time exists without the next moment in time forcing it to become history. Change, therefore is inevitable, it is an integral part of life. 

Sometimes when I receive a phone call from one of my crazy friends, and I know by the Caller ID who it is, I’ll answer the phone: “This is the Betty Ford Center for Inevitable Change! May I help you become less of what you want to be and more of what I want you to be?”

If you’re one of my close friends, you’d probably expect that I would lead with something pithy or smart ass. The truth, though, I truly feel like my life… our lives… are here on this earth for an evolution of sorts, which definitely involves change.

You can be one of those people who:

Ø gets coerced into change by harsh life experiences,

Ø one of those people who has drama all around pushing you to change,

Ø one of those people who has a huge, catastrophic life experience that forces you to change, or

Ø you can be open to change daily, and ultimately be happy about your path to the cross, which I think metaphorically is the death of something that no longer serves you, making room for the grand newness to follow.

Personally, I prefer the latter.  I don’t like to fight. Never have. I’m certainly not about fighting an unproductive battle against reality. Which one of us can plan what truly happens today and know with certainty our plans will happen exactly as we intended?

I can think of many things that look negative on the surface, but hiding beneath the surface is something new and wonderful.  I remember one specific instance, an impending operation. I knew that I needed an operation on my foot. It was a simple procedure, but there was pain involved to get to the place where I would be feeling better. I didn’t want the pain. In fact, after having had the surgery, had I known how much pain I would have been in, I may have opted not to have the optional surgery. However, now that I am healed of the pain, I am now thankful that I went through the misery of the operation to take care of my discomfort in my foot. I’m sure you can think of hundreds of things you have done in your life that on the surface, you may not have done again, but as a result, you benefitted.

I look forward to you sharing this series on change and the way of the cross. Part two will follow tomorrow.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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