Bo Sebastian's Finding Authentic You!: April 2013

Monday, April 29, 2013

Pressure Wash Your Past Away

I’ve been working on reframing my pond the last few days—changing the waterfall feature. I have a great friend helping me redesign it with rocks cascading from the waterfall. It will be so much more beautiful than it was before. As we replaced the rocks, there was deep layer of small rocks on the thick black liner. Beneath the rocks was enough dirt to plant flowers.

For almost five years I’ve been wondering why every time I turned on the water fountain, cascades of dirty water would rush down into the pond. The dirt was beneath the clean stones, and I never actually knew it was there, because I never took time to remove all the obstacles to the liner.

My friend suggested that as we move the rock out and pressure wash the rocks and clear out the dirt from the liner before we begin to rebuild. What a great lesson for releasing the old and beginning with a clean slate to start to rebuild your new life.

The timing of this lesson couldn’t be more appropriate for me as I lean forward into something new and fascinating. I know it’s the honeymoon stage, but I haven’t felt my heart leap like this in a long time. But, I can see that I could very easily drag old behavior and mistake—dirt—into my new life and new relationships if I don’t carefully remove all the blocks to love and literally pressure wash the lining of my heart. I’m sure there is more dirt on the pathway to my heart than I could possibly imagine hiding beneath the pristine rocks that have been so carefully erected to attract new love. Trust me, I know that the first few months of a relationship are a bit of a smoke screen. But why not enjoy the new feelings and excitement while you are cleansing the pathway?

I worked hard this morning. My arms and legs hurt from lifting rock. As I write this waiting for my lunch to warm up, sweat is on my brow, my clothes smell like gasoline, and I’m dirty from head to toe. But the pride of knowing that I have worked hard to make this place look beautiful is along side every heartache like a clinging vine needing the tree of life to grow on to.

Remember just a couple weeks ago I wrote that God had shown me the dead bird in the yard, and immediately after, two mating birds fell from the pine tree in front of me? The next day I picked up an affirmation at the YMCA and it read, “God takes care of every feather on every bird!”

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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Sunday, April 28, 2013

Crazy for You!

What happens when you really think you have a met a person you want to attach to in a secure way?

You have read the book, “Attached.” You recognize all the attributes your date has is secure. You feel a deep mental, spiritual, and physical connection with that person. You feel he/she has the same kind of connection with you. What comes next?

Because relationship is all about communication, I would say, if the person is securely attached, you already know this person wants you to be a part of his/her life. It will be completely apparent.

A few things to look for about secure attachment, if you haven’t read the manual:

The prospective person is:

Communicating feelings easily;

Wants to be close;

Is not rushing into intimacy;

Sees you as a whole person, not just a sexual object;

Is making room for you in his/her life;

Introducing you to people in his/her life; and

Planning to spend time with you on a regular basis.

When all of these things are in place, the next step is to talk about what commitment means to each of you, if you haven’t already. The word commitment can mean casual things to some and solid, monogamous things to others. So, it’s important to be clear at the beginning what these words mean, and how they will play out in relationship.

I would also suggest that you create a dialogue about when intimacy begins what your expectations are. Personally, I don’t like to be intimate with more than one person at a time. So, if I go toward intimacy with someone, I want to know that he is going to be on the same page with that and not going out with others.

This perspective partner and you should talk about getting off of any online dating sites. You might consider creating a schedule of times to see each other. You might talk about what you both want in the future, to make sure that intimacy doesn’t happen with the person who is moving to Asia in a year or doing his doctorate in Africa, if you’re wanting to stay in the United States.

Availability and stability lead to feeling secure attachment. I know that I want to feel that the person I’m with has been tested for STDs, is not carrying some sort of foreign blood-born disease, or isn’t an alien. Knowing all the factual details about a person is important for security sake and to relinquish any deeply-seated fears, especially if you are one who has been abandoned in the past.

As our manual about attachment talks about, “Securely Attached” individuals don’t come your way very often, because they are usually “securely attached.” Duh! So, when you find one and he/she is open to moving forward in a relationship, make every effort to show that person you are on board and ready for the romantic ride of your life.

Then certain parts of this experience must come organically and with time. The rest is up to God, Spirit, the individual needs, and the desire to stay together. A big part of relationship is certainly two people committing to trying to stay together—to working things out as they come up. This is, by definition, communication. Communication is relationship.

If you haven’t guessed, I think I am at that point in my dating experience. I’m way excited and equally prepared to move forward with caution, an open heart, and excitement. Knowing what I want and envisioning it every day is a helpful way to direct your path toward the right and perfect relationship for you.

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Saturday, April 27, 2013

How Do You Know When Relationship Is Right?

Last night I went on a second date with someone who treated me with honor, compassion, intelligence and just plain authenticity. How wonderful to be looked at as a person, rather than an object.

But, you know, even when someone is wonderful and fascinating, it may not be the perfect person for you. That’s why we date. Just get it out of your mind that every person you like has to be the right person. Think about all the attributes about that person that must collide with your life to create a permanent commitment such as an intimate relationship.

You have to be on the same page—at the same time—about wanting a relationship.
You have to be attracted to one another.
Beyond attraction, you must have a physical connection that chemically glues you together.
You have to be able to live in the same city eventually.
You have to generally co-abide; which brings about a slew of needs:
Can he cook?
Can he do laundry?
Is she a slob?
Does she pick up after herself?
Does he/she make enough money to support the relationship?
Does his demeanor merge with yours?
Are you one who needs space and is she one who wants to be up the end of your spinal column?
Do you have political differences?
Do you have religious beliefs that interconnect?
Can you put up with her relatives?
Does she wear perfume that gives you a headache?
Etc.

We’re talking lots and lots of things must be right for a relationship to blossom and grow, least of which attraction. Most of the things that I listed above have to be in place for a relationship to really emerge from the chaos of the dating pool. My point is that we must stop expecting every trial period (dating) to be the magical one that will sweep us off of our feet.

I also think there is one more fascinating connection that must exist. No one can make this happen but the universe, God or Spirit. The magic that draws two lives together is what I refer to now.

I’ll give you an example. Your name is Joe. You have a dog named Rover. You go to your boyfriend’s house after knowing him a couple weeks and ask him for his WIFI password. He tells you: JoRover1. He tells you he made up the password years ago. You would have to imagine that something magical is stirring in the spirit world for a synchronistic event like that to occur. That’s the kind of connection that feels as if destiny has come to visit you.

When you discover that your paths are merging without your effort and most of the other attributes from above are in place and compatible, I believe you may have found a keeper.

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Thursday, April 25, 2013

Not a Judgment: Just an Observation

Not a Judgment; Just an Observation

Today I spent a few hours this afternoon with a man who I hardly knew. He considered himself a spiritual seeker, a healer, and seemed to be on a path toward the light. Yet, every thing he said and did felt like it carried a deep-seated anger within it. He is a younger man than I, but does some of the same healing modalities as I do. His talk was authentic, as we have emailed and spoke on the phone for about a month. He doesn’t live in Nashville, so he made a special trip here to spend some face-to-face time talking about our interests.

What I learned by talking to him is that unless we can observe ourselves long enough to see the hindrances that lie in the path toward our expression of good, there is little use for them on this earth. I remembered when I first moved to Nashville. I had lived in NYC for a long time. My demeanor was harsher than the southerners. I, also, was a lot less subtle than people in the south. I probably am still a bit like that, but definitely not as much as when I first arrived.

The first couple years of living here, I learned a hard lesson. People in the south just don’t like the ways of northerners. They didn’t like my accent. They didn’t like my abruptness. They were offended by me being forthright and honest.

If you want to be liked by people in the south, you have to become like them. You have to whittle away at your rough edges. You have to speak slower. You have to say kind things about someone, even it means lying. The trick was to always put, “Bless their hearts,” after anything you said.

I learned that if I was going to live in the south and be accepted by the people in the south, I was going to have to look at the qualities about myself that were unacceptable to the people around me. The lesson was difficult. I want to be honest all the time, no matter whom it hurts. I innately want to be harsher and more critical of almost everything. But, alas, I can’t be and be accepted by my peers. And I certainly can’t be a healer and a person who declares himself peaceful from a meditation practice and also be caustic at the same time.

My choice was to stay in the south and live here, because I sincerely felt as if I had been led right here. I have been content and in love with Nashville for twenty years. So, I have made it a point to make change in myself that reflect the qualities that are more positive, peaceful, and loving. The south is gentler than the north. I love that about southerners. Life is a lot less frenetic and certainly kinder to the soul here.

But my point is that if you want to be used in Rome, you are going to have to adopt the ways of the Romans. If you want to be used as a spiritual leader, you are going to have to put aside narcissism, your ego trips, and being right all the time. Spiritual leaders have faults, absolutely. But they must make a stronger attempt at righting their wrongs, because people are looking at them through a magnifying glass.

I sometimes make enemies of people I don’t even know, because of what and who they expect me to be, because of my profession. I know that’s not my fault. But it is a consistent mirror for me to be authentic always. By authentic, I mean led by my deepest spiritual light and not by my ego.

I pray your day leads you to some new understanding of yourself.

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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Does the Soul Expand After Death?

A few nights after my father died, I had a vivid dream about meeting him in heaven. He appeared young and handsome. In fact, the first thing I asked him in the dream was, “Why do you look so young?”

He responded, “When we come out of the human body, we are like small particles released into the atmosphere that have the capacity to reshape into whatever we desire. I wanted to appear to you as a young father.”

I asked him to explain more.

At that time there was a commercial on television about the medicine Contact, an allergy relief that was a capsule made with many small colored balls of medicine within. He showed me an imagine of the capsule in the dream. Then he opened the capsule. All the little many colored balls were suspended in space. He said that each particle, a part of the whole, had the capacity to move and reshape in the atmosphere.

He also told me that there was a larger part of himself outside his earthly shell waiting to meet him and reunite with the whole at his death. He was now in that complete body. Then his molecules dispersed and he reshaped into my grandfather, then back into his older self-image before he died. Then, he reappeared as the young father again.

I have to share that before my father died, he and I had made amends. We were never close during the course of our lives. He wanted me to be a football player and a jock, like my cousins and his friends’ and siblings’ sons. I chose to be my authentic self, despite him pushing me further and further away from his life. If it weren’t for my baby sister, we would have never even spoken much. Then we had a once a month call, which was more about the weather and Italian food than life. My sister, Lori, helped my father realize that I needed him to accept me for who I was. At the end, he actually did. I’m blessed to have had that closure.

I tell you all this because in this dream he explained that part of his course in the spiritual world would be to help me on the ether plane. He was a different person, cleansed of his earthly behavior when we spoke. It was as if he understood the negative role he had played in my life, and now wanted to aid me in my spiritual walk toward enlightenment and wisdom.

I’ll never forget that night. When he left my dream, he jettisoned into space and became as large as a constellation. He frequently visits me in the night during my dreams with information that helps me move forward.

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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A Spiritual Being Having a Human Experience

I find myself consistently trying to find answers to the human chaos going on around me. Why does war happen? Why are terrorists killing innocent people? Why does cancer kill loving people? Why are babies born only to die early of some unforeseen disease or some heinous crime? Why do tsunamis happen?

I’m sure these are all questions that we’ve all asked ourselves, and more importantly, God. But what if the answer isn’t in asking the questions, “Why the disease?” What if the question should be: “Why a human body to learn our spiritual lessons?”

What if the answer is that the human experience is just the movie we are watching? The actual experience is the spiritual acumen we gain while watching our own personal panoramic view of life going on before us. When you think about it, everyone has his/her own movie camera they see through: their eyes. Each of us are directors of our own life and the film running through our heads.

Some choose to edit it, others change the script, but some—maybe the smartest ones—watch with amazement at the metaphors life brings through our human instincts and shortcomings.

Each of us sees the world from our point of view only. You can be compassionate and imagine someone else’s point of view, but you can’t see it through the pain, the past, and the trauma of the eyes of one body and mind you have never inhabited. Perhaps, the world and the humans in it are one huge lesson for the experience that is housed in this human body. If that were true, then it would make a lot more sense about all the things we see around us.

And what makes this theory even more intriguing is that we are all experiencing it at the same time. There are some spiritual theories of afterlife, which believe that we come to this earth in spiritual clusters. Each of us has chosen ahead of time a purpose and a character to play out in this lifetime within this smaller cluster, and perhaps in conjunction with larger clusters of spirit.

This life you are going to be my husband. I’ll be your mother this time, because you were my child in the last life. I watched you die from a deadly disease last life. Let me come back as the doctor who saves you. We’ll then fall in love and be married.

What if the spiritual clusters are like a family of spirits that combined is really one larger, more powerful spirit ready to rule one of the many planets uninhabited in the myriad of universes continuing to be created by an unlimited God? It’s a possibility you can’t discount. Why are there so many planets? Why are the angels watching us and making sure we learn our lessons? Why are they in awe of spirits dressed as humans?

Maybe spirits having a human body have a special calling. Maybe we are all learning amazing lessons to move to a higher place of consciousness in a vast array of heavenly bodies. Who really knows?

The answers to these questions and the idea of predestination are also one of the many ways humans find ways of living in the chaos we call life. This is just another theory that can’t be proven or denied. But… it certainly gives me pause.

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Angels All Around You

The word angelos in the Greek means messenger or angel, which really is a transliteration of the word in the Greek, just taking off the –os at the end and creating an English word that ascribes the meaning scholars believed it to be.

Personally, angels are all around us, in the form of people, animals, spirits, loved ones, and sometimes enemies. The Christian bible at point takes the word “angelos” and translates it as our English word spy in Luke 9, where Jesus sends out messengers ahead of him to check out Jerusalem.

In other words, angels are sent by God to do many works. But the key is that their main attribute is to do God’s work, whether it be give a message, do a job, save someone or bring back a message to someone. They could be angels of the human form or of the spiritual form. When you release your idea of what they should be, then you notice that many people are acting on God’s behalf to get you where you need to be each day of your life.

I think about how many times I have been saved by angels. This time I’m talking about the unseen ones that seem to have stopped a car centimeters from a complete collision. Or when they seem to lead you out of a lost place by putting a guide in front of you who knows the way. Or it may be one who comes in the night telling a message of good news or sharing a warning.

For the unaware they think it is coincidence. But for me, I’m absolutely, positively sure we have guardians in the spirit world that help us out in our times of dire need and most especially when God needs us to be somewhere for a perfect union of spirit and human experience.

The wonderful thing about angels is that we will never have any proof that they exist except for in our own spiritual prowess. Many times in the Christian bible we are told that the angels can work on our behalf. All we need to do is ask. So, as a practice, I ask angels to help me with my work. I ask them to go out daily and find people who may need my help and bring them to my door. I ask them to provide for me and for friends and family. I ask them to help the sick, to give guidance to the lost, and most importantly to help with people on their spiritual journey.

I hear story after story of people coming to me for help because they had had a deep unction to do so by God. Just last night someone shared that she called me initially and didn’t get an answer. So, she hung up. Then she called another hypnotist and got an answering machine. Then the interesting thing happened: her heart clearly said, “Call Bo Sebastian back!” When she did, I actually answered the phone. This was a time in this woman’s life when she needed to talk to someone about a cancer she was just diagnosed with. I remember the phone call. I remember being caught up in something, but being compelled to answer the phone instead. When we got together that week for an appointment, deep healing happened. It was God from the moment the angels began their work. This person is now one of my dearest friends and completely healed.

There are no accidents with God. Some people call these times when angels intervene and make magic happen on earth: synchronicity. I’m a firm believer that when synchronicity happens in your life, you are exactly in the place you are to be as far as your spiritual walk. So, begin to look for synchronicity every day, in nature, in deed, and as people speak or call you on the phone. When you are in the flow of spirit, synchronistic events happen all the time.

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Monday, April 22, 2013

Instant Karma

Many belief systems exist out there, which one do you prescribe to?

Samsara, meaning continuous flow, reflects the belief of some Asian religions such as Buddhism, Sikhims, Hinduism, Doaism, Yoga, and the belief of the Ayervedics, who originated yoga and most holistic practices. Reincarnation is the recycling of spirits through death and rebirth. Most religions reflect the idea of Karma as they teach about reincarnation, which means that what you have sown in the past life you must deal with in the next. The belief system has dated back far past the Jewish and Christian bibles and evidenced in the Christian bible when John the Baptist was asked, “Are you Elijah or one of the prophets?”

My personal belief about Karma is that if you clean up your past debts in this life, you will enter into a life of complete synchronicity and in the flow of God, being able to be utilized by Spirit in all ways without hindrance. I think Jesus came into his life with Karma, because in Corinthians 15, the bible talks of his presence in Adam, saying he is the second Adam. This, perhaps, could mean that all life proceeded from him when he was Adam and in Adam’s sin, and now Jesus had come back to redeem the lost and give them a way back to truth.

When I look at those scriptures, it looks to be the perfect example of Karma. I don’t think you have to be a nonChristian to believe in Karma. Karma exists in every moment according to Jesus in his words, “What you sow, you will reap.” This is definitely the concept of Karma.

So, what kind of life are you living that could possibly come back to haunt you? For instance, if you smoke cigarettes, there is no judgment spiritually from God. There is simply Karma. If you hurt your body by smoking, your body will get cancer eventually. God isn’t trying to inflict pain on the innocent. God is trying to help you understand the spiritual concepts of life that work with everyone, not just believers.

For instance, the Law of Mind is “that which you can believe can actually express itself in life.” It is a law of creation, as in the story of creation in the bible and also Jesus’ story about the fig tree withering and dying.

There are spiritual laws that govern the world, and I’m thankful for it. I believe we all are. It is in our DNA to want the bad guy in a movie to die and the person who has given his/her life for good to gain the prosperity of the world. The antagonist always gets what he comes to this earth for.

But the protagonist doesn’t seem to always get what he/she wants on the way to the end prize.

I believe this is where most people stop believing in the power of Good. They think, she is a good person, why is this happening to her? But we never take into account that we have no idea what her past life had been in this body or in the last. We sincerely don’t know what anyone is going through mentally or physically. It is never for us to judge or assess anyone. We are to take careful note of our own lives and “judge not” others. That is the law. And if we stay within the law, we are careful not to have others judge us unfairly and create more bad Karma.

Every day I sincerely work to undo any bad or wrong I have ever committed. Someone recently wrote to me a very nasty note, anonymously, saying very hurtful and painful things about what a hypocrite he thought I was.

Instead of being mad, I understood that his hurt was just expressing itself as in a mirror onto my life. I simply apologized for anything I may have done that could have caused him to feel that way and asked him if he wanted to talk about it. I’d be open to making amends. The person never wrote back.

It is impossible to go through life without affecting other people negatively. The best we can do is try to always be prepared to make amends. It is okay to say, “I was wrong,” even if you didn’t intend to hurt someone. Staying in this mindset is a good way to live your life without heaping more Karma onto your life.

Keep reading this week. I’m going to be talking more about Karma and Eastern religions.

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Saturday, April 20, 2013

Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You

Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

I have often had clients who have come to me aching over the idea that the person they care so deeply for can’t see them as a love interest, only as a friend. It’s a hard tale to listen to. You think, goodness gracious, just move on. This person is never going to love you.

But when you are love struck, and someone who doesn’t love you is holding the strings to your heart, there is nothing worse in the world.

I have been there a couple times. I’ll tell you, you just want to throw up most of the day. You feel confused, befuddled, stupid and, worse yet, completely out of control from your heart. The truth is: You are completely out of control of your heart. When that happens, the only thing you can do is begin to listen to your heart again and ask it what it really needs.

Clearly, your heart isn’t going to get the love from this person. But this person or the metaphor of this person in your life has such a great significance that you can’t seem to go on until you uncover what it is that is missing from your life.

Look at the person or anything, for that matter, that you feel you can’t live without and ask yourself this question: What would I feel when I receive the love of this person or possess this particular job or object? What will this bring to my life?

I once was asked a series of questions about my life’s goals. We started out like a family tree at the left hand side of a large piece of construction paper. We began to build branches of what certain things would bring to our lives if we got them.

For instance: I want to be a famous writer. What will that bring to me? It will bring me notoriety, money, a fabulous house, new social network, etc. Then from each of these items, another branch comes out. What will money bring you? You may answer, “The ability to be secure financially.”

Then you ask yourself, “What will being secure financially bring me?”

When I got to the end of this conundrum, what I really wished for was peace of mind. Even having a relationship with someone who loved me came down to security, then peace.

What I realized is that what we really want in life is already within us. We think we must possess something to gain something. Even love is our own doing. It doesn’t require someone else. When you love someone else, it is yours, not theirs. The matter of someone else loving you, is a completely different feeling. That feeling may bring security, anxiety, stress, or bring vulnerability that requires you to change. All of these things may not be what you expected of someone else loving you. But the truth is that we can only understand what WE feel, not what someone else feels.

This is the basis of living in the present. We can’t require the world to do anything, nor can we require anyone to feel a certain way. We must acknowledge that the present is exactly the way it is and be okay with that.

That is not to say that we have to stay in bad situations. I can be okay with my ex-boyfriend being nonmonogamous and not want to stay in that relationship with him. He has made his choice to be who he wants to be. Now I must make my choice too.

The universe is constantly requiring me to accept and respect what it offers, then make a choice about what I need to do as a result of this present truth. When you learn to be in the perfect now, you release from the idea that anyone “must” be how you need them to be for you to be happy. Your happiness is dependent on you and you alone.

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Friday, April 19, 2013

Where Are You Supposed to Be Right Now?

Yesterday I had some time off in the afternoon. I had no plans. So, I prayed about what I should do with that time. I received an unction that I was supposed to visit a friend and her mother who had only a few days left to live. So, after acupuncture, I went directly to Galatin to visit my friend.

Two days before I spoke with my friend, she told me that her mother only had a few days to live and that Hospice was caring for her at my friend’s home. I asked her what her mother was dying from. Interestingly enough, my friend never thought to ask the doctor.

So, yesterday after I got there, she told me that her mother’s brain was dying as part of the Dementia diagnosis two years ago. The part of her brain that knows how to dress, remembers the present, and even knows how to eat and swallow had deteriorated so much so that her mother couldn’t eat on her own or speak. The past few days her mother had been almost completely unresponsive.

When I got to my friend’s front door, I rang the bell and knocked a couple times. No one answered. But the front door was open. I could see a hospital bed in the front room. Her mother was asleep. I checked to see if the door was open. It was. Then I knocked again, more gently this time. Her mother awoke. She looked directly at me and waved at me, then gestured for me to come in.

When I got to the bed, she stared at me with an untypical stare. We tend to have boundaries in every day life while we look at people. We don’t gaze into a person’s eyes like a baby would. She smiled and closed her eyes and fell back to sleep, as if what she just experienced was a dream.

I went to the back door to see where my friend was. She was digging in the back garden. When she returned to the house, she introduced her mother to me. Her mother, again, gazed directly at me unceasingly—so much so that my friend said, “Yes, Mom, a lot of people stare at Bo, because he has such a bright personality,” obviously trying to make light of the situation.

But, I, on the other hand, just let her gaze right into my heart. I stared right back into hers. I wanted to hear what she had to say that she couldn’t speak. Again that warm smile covered her face like innocence.

I felt a divine connection happen in that moment. I discovered that the rest of the day and into the night she would communicate with me in my dreams. She wanted to let go of her body but didn’t know how is what she communicated to me in my dream last night.

So, I woke up this morning and prayed specifically for the information to be given to her and asked God if there was anything I could do to help her on her spiritual journey home.

You see, I feel as if this was one of those divine appointments I had been waiting for. I ask to be used by Spirit every day. I’m sure that I am in small and large ways even without me knowing. But this was one of those awesome moments that God was so specific about. Someone had to cancel a session for me to be available in that moment. I knew it was of supreme importance that I go to my friend’s house that afternoon.

These are the moments in life we need to pray for—be present for. God can only use us if we ask to be a conduit for Spirit’s use.

I know this blog may not be for everyone, today. But I know there are some people out there who want to understand their destiny on this earth. I feel this may help.

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Thursday, April 18, 2013

You ARe One With Your Ex

You Are One With Your Ex

A spiritual theory exists that declares we all are one on some level of existence. You are not only one with God, but one with your neighbor, your parents, your friends, and even more interestingly—your enemies and your exes. If this is so, then we have got a great deal of reframing to do; and I don’t mean reframing pictures or cutting out exes from photos and pasting a snapshot of your dog over his face.

This theory came up when I was thinking about the anger that I have faced when exes have either broken up with me or did something heinous that caused me to break up with them. My thought process was: if we are all one in harmony with universal purpose, if everyone in our lives has a storyline that was defined before we came to this earth, then there is a perfectly good reason why I spent the last ??? years of my life with this person who has broken my heart. If this is true, then I had better figure out what his role is or I may have to go on rehearsing this drama for the rest of my human life. Trust me, I don’t like traumatic energy, nor do I want it in my life.

I don’t think we can simply clear our lives of drama if we are actively seeking any kind of relationship. Relationships, inherently, cause issues that often lead to drama because they are all heart related. Even being “one” with someone in the cosmos somewhere spiritually doesn’t mean we are compliant with their every human instinct.

When we first start going out with someone, we look past a lot of flaws, because we sense a oneness that overwhelms us. Then, as we continue in the relationship, and perhaps begin spending days together, we see things that are not compatible with what we are used to or enjoy. When this happens, we either have to bite our tongues and live with it, or say something that may cause some friction.

A healthy relationship can endure these minor changes and fluctuations in behavior, but one that is not established in true compassion and love, usually can’t. (However, there are times when someone’s living conditions just will never be compatible with yours. In these cases, you have to either move on or live in separate abodes.) Personally, when I get to an impasse that indicates there is no way we could ever live together, I generally move on, because I really desire to live with my partner eventually. I want to make a home together, which is a part of my life long dream.

What I’ve learned about human relationships after coaching so many people in disastrous marriages is that some things are just not worth working through. Sometimes you have to move on especially when dealing with narcissistic attitudes and belief systems that are completely opposite.

When that happens and relationship ends, your next step is to make amends with yourself for all the reasons you had to retract your vows from the person you thought you wanted to pursue love with. You have to forgive yourself; but more importantly forgive the person who has moved on. That person is responsible for very strong and effective change in your life. He or she has made your life better in some way, because he has taught you the hard lessons of life that have carved out the better “you” in the end.

Eventually, you have to forgive that person and learn to live with the idea that he or she has helped you on your path to your true spiritual purpose and authentic life. That is what we’re living for, right?

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Bo Sebastian's Finding Authentic You!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Pressure Wash Your Past Away

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Crazy for You!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

How Do You Know When Relationship Is Right?

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Not a Judgment: Just an Observation

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Does the Soul Expand After Death?

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A Spiritual Being Having a Human Experience

Angels All Around You

Monday, April 22, 2013

Instant Karma

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You

Friday, April 19, 2013

Where Are You Supposed to Be Right Now?

Thursday, April 18, 2013

You ARe One With Your Ex

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