Welcome to the Betty Ford for
Relationship Addicts
If I were to dilute relationships
down to its main ingredient, I would say that they serve one purpose mainly: to
give a mirror to see our own faults!
I almost lost a friendship once
because the friend said I spent far too much time talking about my relationship
than was comfortable for him. The funny thing is that we used to date. But I
get what he was talking about. Some people spend their entire lives thinking
about one thing and one thing only: marriage. Then, once they get married, all
they talk about is the problems that they have in it.
Relationships are a full-time
job. Not one person exists that has had a relationship can tell you any
different. I was just thinking yesterday about the percentage of people who
have given up the pursuit of their own dreams for the sake of relationship,
family and children. I bet it’s more than 75% of society. Most people have an
ideal in their minds about family and what they want it to look like. Their
picture is usually vastly different than the childhood they had, because not
too many of us grew up in healthy families. But this image takes over.
Eventually, kids take one parent giving up his/her entire life just to drive
children around to all their activities.
I had a vocal student who had
four brothers and sisters. Her grandmother was paying for her vocal lessons,
but her mother never had the time to work and take her to the lessons. After
missing about four lessons, she ended up giving up a beautiful career because
the parents were too busy to accommodate her lessons. This was one of those
children who absolutely knew without a shadow of a doubt had a stellar voice. I
hope one day, she’ll come back or find it.
But, truly, the story was about
how busy her mother was. She had so many children she couldn’t have a job and
take care of all the things they needed to do, even if someone paid for it.
I also see many empty nesters who
struggle after a child or children have all left the home. If they can’t fill
their lives up with their own children, they beg their kids to have grandbabies
so they continue to do what they do best, be support instead of pursuing their
own dreams.
I’m not saying being a parent
isn’t a calling in itself. But I’ve talked to 100s, if not 1000s of parents,
who have deep regret that they spent their entire lives catering to, sometimes,
children who expect, expect, expect. And now all they have left is a rotten
image of what they thought could have been a picture of perfection. You can raise
a child with every moral you have, and still that child may choose to be the
exact opposite. Children are in no way a safe place to put your future and
abandon your dreams.
The good news is that there is
never a time when it is too late to do something about this. If you are
struggling as a parent or not doing what you love, there can be a way to undo
the damage and find something better. You may have to work your butt off and go
to college at night or online while you are working a full-time job. But great
dreams are made of hard work. Never stop trying to be authentic!
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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