Where, Oh Where Is Love?

Where Oh Where Is Love?

Is it all around us—everywhere we look? Am I categorizing it as intimate love and therefore passing over all the wonderful love of friends and family? Am I so focused on finding intimate love that I’m not being the loving person I’m meant to be, which by virtue of attraction could and would bring love to my life? Is it hidden in my past? Or should I just stop looking completely and let God take care of it?

These are all common questions on our quest to love. I have asked every one of those questions and more. The truth is that our human condition seems to scream for the union of two humans. Yet when the union happens, screaming occurs, and it’s not usually from happiness. So, how do we find true love and know that it is right for us?

I had a gentleman write to me on Match.com this evening. (Yes, I’ve decided to try the Internet for help, since I am not going to a bar to search.) He was actually fairly good looking in his 15 pictures. His letter was elegant and beautiful. Here is some of it (I’ve edited out his likes and dislikes and kept the interesting parts):

“Hello. How are you doing? I like what I read about you to where I felt compelled to send you an email. I will tell you up front a little more about me. I have been Single for a quite some time now. I'm about 6'1” tall and average in weight….I Love Listening To Good Music… I think any relationship takes work but work in a good way. If you treat the other person like you expect to be treated then that work comes easy.

If I meet the right person, I would love to relocate to a conducive and cool environment. As for me, what I want in a man is someone who is there because he wants to be.  And together we have what it takes to build a relationship. Morals are what it comes down to. Honest, trust, being open and not afraid to be who you are and just let go and let the other person hear the inner most feelings without criticism. As for my dream, actually, I want to fall in love (the head over heals kind) something I can honestly say I have never had. I am ready to let go of the fears I have. On the lighter side of things, I don't mind being a kid at heart.

I figured that life is short to be alone. I want to share what I have to offer, which is a good heart and a person that has been raised with good morals. Well now that I just poured it out for you, I Look forward to hearing from you soon.”

After reading the letter, I went to look at his stats. He was from Texas!!

Really? I thought. Come on. Texas? How in the heck does a Texan expect a Nashvillian to be interested in someone from that far away?

I have been in long distance relationships before, but not that far away. And trust me, those long distances were far enough away to make the relationship very difficult to cultivate. I can’t imagine knowing a person enough from that distance to truly fall in love and get married. I know it has happened, but not to me. My experience has been the opposite.

What I have found with long distance is that much can be hidden in the distance. Not just truth, but habits and autonomy that needs to be expressed that can’t be when you are together. Even after spending weeks in my last relationship together before we moved in, I would have never guessed that he was an avoidant personality. That part of his personality only happened when he lost his own roots and was in my home, not his—even though I made it as much his home as I could.

Moving on… “Does it fall from Skies Above,” as the song says? Well, if you are thinking that means, “does it come from God,” I would answer that question with a big yes. I don’t believe you can have true love without a spiritual connection. There are many relationships that exist for long periods of time with intricate codependency working at their roots, but they last because nothing disturbs the habitat of the living, growing relationship.

I know of plenty of people who have marital relationships that work like clockwork, but also run like a business and are not very intimate in my estimation. Does that matter to both of the partners? Probably to one of them.  Will it cause one of them to stray eventually? Maybe.

Moving on again.. “Is it underneath the willow tree that I’ve been dream of?” My willow tree was in the back yard of the house I grew up in. One tornadic evening it blew westward into my neighbor’s garage. We never had a swing again from the lowest branch. So, I’m thinking that the last line of this song is a reminiscent love he’s eluding to.

Now this kind of love I can imagine creeping back into my life. There are a couple friends and past loves out there that have not completely run their course. I could see that maybe life might bring them full circle and back into my heart. You see, the past is a safe and restful haven for most, if you can sift through the tempest of your own troubles and your partner’s past too, you may find love still exists for you.

So, where is love? It could be standing right next to you. It could be in Texas. It could be waiting to be reawakened from a part of your past. Or it may simply just appear when you’re not looking. But is it mostly is out of your control?

I’ll defer to my friends at Match.com for that answer: “If you’re not sending out at least 4 messages a month, you’re just not trying.”

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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