Failure Is an Ugly Word

Failure Is an Ugly Word

Honestly, I never thought as myself as someone who failed. I have had some nonstarters, but have created nothing that really was a total flop. I have had a few bad reviews, but nothing that would devastate a career. Today, I just felt like a total failure with this diet. I caved—truly caved.

Remember those cookies I was telling you about that I had saved for when I hit my goal? Well, when I went to throw them away, because that is what I would advise any person to do on a diet, I checked to see if anyone was looking and I ate one—frozen. Yes, frozen. It was as hard as a brick and as sweet as heaven itself. I wouldn’t even know if a piece of a tooth went down with the golden delicious taste of brown sugar and chocolate.

Then I found myself putting the bag of cookies back in the freezer instead of in the waste paper basket where they belonged. (Damn you, Jennifer Nelson, for making such amazing oatmeal, chocolate chip cookies.) They were like cocaine. Once I ate one, I went back for two, then three. I finally stopped at five. I’m amazed I didn’t chip a tooth. I’m now a little nauseous and I’m ready for bed—the worst time to be full and sugar buzzed. OY VEY!

This day started off way too early with me taking my car in to get the transmission fixed. A friend had to stay overnight to drive me to the service center. I drank some caffeinated tea and was sorry for it the entire day. I never realized what a diuretic tea could be. I was in the bathroom almost every thirty minutes. I even had to excuse myself in the middle of sessions, which is not like me at all.

Everything went well, even with exercise until dinner, when I had to pick up my car and it wasn’t ready.  The part the service station had ordered for my car was broken.  I had to rearrange my schedule and get a loaner car for Wednesday. I guess something as menial as a car not being fixed can put you over the dietetic edge.

I used the anxiousness about the car for an excuse to eat and dove into dinner like a man who hadn’t been fed in two days. Then after dinner I didn’t stop eating until 10 pm.  Disappointment doesn’t begin to let you know how I feel about my progress.

Two weeks to lose the weight, my ass. I think this may take much longer.  I do know this. After today I’m going to stop writing about my “presumed progress” every day. I figure it’s getting boring and unless there is something wonderful to tell—a great insight into dieting or a breakthrough in my own resistance to weight loss, I’ll stick to what I’m good at—spiritual guidance.

It’s true to be a good coach, you don’t actually have to be in the sport. I’m good at helping people lose weight. I have helped 1000s of people get to their goals. My brother-in-law is a tremendous football coach. I can’t imagine that he could get his body around the track once. There are many older ballet coaches who are considered the best in the world, but could never dance again in their lives. The list of coaches who are great at teaching but not so good at doing their craft can go on forever. I guess, for now, I fit in to the latter.

I do know this: I’ll keep trying. I’m not a quitter. But I may fall a few more times before I actually make some more progress. Upward and onward.

Weight Gain: loss of .2 pounds… As I said before, there is no rhyme or reason. I would have to venture to guess it was the water loss from yesterday. I’m back to a homeostatic thought. Maybe the body just has to get used to a 5 lb. loss before it loses more. I’m sticking with that conclusion.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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