Showing posts with label finding love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finding love. Show all posts

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Plenty of Fish #dating #findinglove #relationshipadvice

Plenty of Fish #dating #findinglove #relationshipadvice

If I believed that, of all the fish in the sea one would probably find me, then I may be living in folly. People don’t find us. Life always invites us! If you are not making a move forward, your opportunity may be falling by the wayside.

I have been living on the misguided premise that one day I’ll stumble upon the perfect person. Although that may happen, I wouldn’t notice unless my nose was out of the past and living in the NOW. I had often said of the last person I dated and lived with that I wouldn’t even have given him a second chance had I not just read the book Attached. by Amir Levine. Why? Because, he was the normal kind of guy that flies under the radar, and I had always been attracted to bold, strong men that stick out and make a statement.

My now ex-partner had moved on as of Valentine’s day because he just wasn’t ready for a committed relationship. I’m sure what that means. He was living and thriving in one for a year with no complaints or arguments. But, I have to make myself understand, that not everyone is for the long-term, and not everyone I meet, even if I’m attracted, is meant for relationship, especially the long term. Sometimes I’m just a pawn in life’s wonderful game of chess. Yesterday, I showed the way to a misguided soul. Two days before that, I was a reminder! Tomorrow, I may be a stumbling block.

When you decide every morning that your body is simply a way for spirit to express, then you must recognize that means you are in many ways, an angel, which means a messenger of spirit. If I am an angel, I have to be led by God, and do the work that allows the whole body to run more easily, like a well-oiled engine. This isn’t an easy chore, when your heart always stands between you and the best for the whole body. This is as if your appetite is the only part of your body and you had no cognitive sense to stop eating. The body would be the size of a house and all of your organs would shut down. So, as the metaphor stands, if you are one piece of a beautiful and complete whole, then you must play your role accordingly for the entire legion of souls to be in harmony. Sometimes, the now wants to make you scratch your eyes, stomp your feet, and act like a child because the Ego doesn’t want what the WholeBody needs. I know I have been doing that and pouting for almost a month. Although, I’d like to believe I understand that I have a purpose, it’s no fun to not get my way.

I want to be in a thriving, loving relationship. I have always wanted that. I have been designed this way, wired for relationship. Yet, the perfect one has eluded me all these years. Yes, I have had times (7 and 8 years) when relationship seemed to be perfect and right. But, my vision is for two people to grow old together, especially since I’m aging quickly. When you reach fifty and your single, a new kind of fear arises. What if I fall and hit my head and no one hears me crying for help? Then I bleed out and die because I was alone. I swear, I didn’t choose this! Honestly, I work hard at trying to find the right person.

Some people would say that “trying” to find someone or “working at relationship” is exactly what you shouldn’t do. Where relationship is concerned—I know this from working with so many single people—if you don’t make yourself available, you will not have dates and meet anyone. You’ll sit on the couch hoping with your foot on the brake, instead of on the gas.

I’ll be the first one to say, I don’t have all the answers. I do know this for certain. If I want life to happen—relationship to happen—I have to face forward and, first, accept my present situation. Second, I have to step forward into life and begin to create my future. Third, make the twists and turns that give me the most peace, even if it means depriving my Ego of something it may want right now.
_______________________________

TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com


Introduction to Meditation
Smoke Cessation mp3
Weight Loss mp3
Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
Insomnia mp3
Eternal Om mp3
Meditation Music mp3
Guide to Meditation mp3
Healing the Body mp3
And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com


______________________________________________

New Challenge: Go to Week 13 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
______________________________________________

Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One to Four Challenges:

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day.  I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK:  “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!




Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Where, Oh Where Is Love?


Where Oh Where Is Love?

Is it all around us—everywhere we look? Am I categorizing it as intimate love and therefore passing over all the wonderful love of friends and family? Am I so focused on finding intimate love that I’m not being the loving person I’m meant to be, which by virtue of attraction could and would bring love to my life? Is it hidden in my past? Or should I just stop looking completely and let God take care of it?

These are all common questions on our quest to love. I have asked every one of those questions and more. The truth is that our human condition seems to scream for the union of two humans. Yet when the union happens, screaming occurs, and it’s not usually from happiness. So, how do we find true love and know that it is right for us?

I had a gentleman write to me on Match.com this evening. (Yes, I’ve decided to try the Internet for help, since I am not going to a bar to search.) He was actually fairly good looking in his 15 pictures. His letter was elegant and beautiful. Here is some of it (I’ve edited out his likes and dislikes and kept the interesting parts):

“Hello. How are you doing? I like what I read about you to where I felt compelled to send you an email. I will tell you up front a little more about me. I have been Single for a quite some time now. I'm about 6'1” tall and average in weight….I Love Listening To Good Music… I think any relationship takes work but work in a good way. If you treat the other person like you expect to be treated then that work comes easy.

If I meet the right person, I would love to relocate to a conducive and cool environment. As for me, what I want in a man is someone who is there because he wants to be.  And together we have what it takes to build a relationship. Morals are what it comes down to. Honest, trust, being open and not afraid to be who you are and just let go and let the other person hear the inner most feelings without criticism. As for my dream, actually, I want to fall in love (the head over heals kind) something I can honestly say I have never had. I am ready to let go of the fears I have. On the lighter side of things, I don't mind being a kid at heart.

I figured that life is short to be alone. I want to share what I have to offer, which is a good heart and a person that has been raised with good morals. Well now that I just poured it out for you, I Look forward to hearing from you soon.”

After reading the letter, I went to look at his stats. He was from Texas!!

Really? I thought. Come on. Texas? How in the heck does a Texan expect a Nashvillian to be interested in someone from that far away?

I have been in long distance relationships before, but not that far away. And trust me, those long distances were far enough away to make the relationship very difficult to cultivate. I can’t imagine knowing a person enough from that distance to truly fall in love and get married. I know it has happened, but not to me. My experience has been the opposite.

What I have found with long distance is that much can be hidden in the distance. Not just truth, but habits and autonomy that needs to be expressed that can’t be when you are together. Even after spending weeks in my last relationship together before we moved in, I would have never guessed that he was an avoidant personality. That part of his personality only happened when he lost his own roots and was in my home, not his—even though I made it as much his home as I could.

Moving on… “Does it fall from Skies Above,” as the song says? Well, if you are thinking that means, “does it come from God,” I would answer that question with a big yes. I don’t believe you can have true love without a spiritual connection. There are many relationships that exist for long periods of time with intricate codependency working at their roots, but they last because nothing disturbs the habitat of the living, growing relationship.

I know of plenty of people who have marital relationships that work like clockwork, but also run like a business and are not very intimate in my estimation. Does that matter to both of the partners? Probably to one of them.  Will it cause one of them to stray eventually? Maybe.

Moving on again.. “Is it underneath the willow tree that I’ve been dream of?” My willow tree was in the back yard of the house I grew up in. One tornadic evening it blew westward into my neighbor’s garage. We never had a swing again from the lowest branch. So, I’m thinking that the last line of this song is a reminiscent love he’s eluding to.

Now this kind of love I can imagine creeping back into my life. There are a couple friends and past loves out there that have not completely run their course. I could see that maybe life might bring them full circle and back into my heart. You see, the past is a safe and restful haven for most, if you can sift through the tempest of your own troubles and your partner’s past too, you may find love still exists for you.

So, where is love? It could be standing right next to you. It could be in Texas. It could be waiting to be reawakened from a part of your past. Or it may simply just appear when you’re not looking. But is it mostly is out of your control?

I’ll defer to my friends at Match.com for that answer: “If you’re not sending out at least 4 messages a month, you’re just not trying.”

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. 

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.