Beyond Blessings

Beyond Blessings

I once read a book called: “The Dark Night of the Soul: A Psychiatrist Explores the Connection Between Darkness and Spiritual Growth,” by Gerald May. The subject seemed daunting. My dear friend Lisa had suggested the title. I trusted her spiritual path, so I bought it and read it on the plane to and from a long vacation out west.

In our darkest hour we learn the most about ourselves. We learn our strengths. Our fortitude is tested. Our endurance is explored. Our ability to withstand stress is weighed. In our times of deepest desperation, it could be said that we actually see who we actually have become as human beings.

Looking back at my life, I remember a time when I returned to Nashville from NYC. I was just about broke. I had relinquished my vocal studio to a friend with an agreement she never fulfilled. She had turned the ministers of my church of 20 years and half of my friends against me by the time my car rolled into Nashville, because she was afraid I would steal back the vocal studio from her. In turn, she stole my piano and got a lawyer before I even had time to move my furniture into a new home. And this was the person I had called my dearest friend before I left Nashville.

It was one of the darkest moments of my life. All of who I was, seemed to come crumbling down around me. I had little to fortify me, as even my friends had trouble believing that I was in the right.

I remember crawling into bed and wanting to stay there forever. I didn’t understand why everything was happening in that moment. I thought Spirit had directed me to come back to Nashville. I felt a strong peace about it. And my partner, then, also felt that same peace. So, we decided to stay in our truth and begin to tell friends that we would be happy to meet with pastors, lawyers, and friends and discuss anything with this antagonist and work it out. We were not afraid to come to the table with our truths.

So, one by one, these pastors, friends, and cohorts asked this mutual friend to make peace and talk. Each time, she refused and said that she would not meet with us. Eventually, every one of the people we talked to began to realize that the only person who was hiding something was the woman who took over the vocal studio.

At that time, I was also offered a position as the music minister at Unity. Some of this woman’s friends wrote terrible letters to the minister about me, but wouldn’t sign the letters. So, the minister, with wisdom, decided that anyone who didn’t have the courage to sign a letter, didn’t have truth either. So, I ended up with the position.

My life began to change as I sat in the darkness and face reality, as cold as it was. But I turned to the deepest truth in me. I recognized what God had shown me over and over again in life—eventually, truth will find you. So, I just had to be patient and wait upon the Lord.

There have been many other times in my life that have wrought bountiful blessings through dark times. Even now as I sit in my loneliness after a break-up at Christmas, I know that God is already preparing the perfect mate for me. I can see his face and can feel his spirit. I may have to sit in the darkness for a while longer, but not without knowing that there is a God that rewards courage with blessings.

The interesting thing about buying “The Dark Night of the Soul” was that my friend who suggested the book was actually talking about the book that Saint John of the Cross wrote. I never ended up reading that book. I ended up reading a book that changed my life and my thinking about the purpose of darkness. What scared me most, actually ended up blessing me the most.

I remember the words clearly as the writer wrote: “Remember that Jesus had to descend into Hell before he could ascend into heaven. Darkness to light.” I may be paraphrasing, because it has been a long while since I have read the book, and have long since loaned it out. But you see the truth in the metaphor.

I believe that the Buddhist thinking would be similar. The noble path to truth is facing that life holds unbearable pain. When you can fully embrace that noble truth, you no longer feel entitled to spending your life in joy. You recognize that darkness and light are side by side and each make way for their separate way of teaching us the path to spiritual growth.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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