Stephen Sondheim wrote a song called “Could I Leave You?” that is from the musical Follies. A woman kept by a rich husband in an unhealthy relationship, sang the song. She patters sarcastically, “Leave you, leave you, how could I leave you? What would I do on my own? Putting thought of you aside in the south of France. Would I think of suicide? Darling, shall we dance? Could I live through the pain on a terrace in Spain, would it pass? It would pass!” (You get the picture?)
So, you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, and you want out. You’ve been thinking about your liberation for years, but the thought of giving up all that you have and starting over keeps you from your true desire to find authenticity and real love. So, what do you do to take that large hurdle into the unknown?
- Make a list. On side, put all the items, including emotional ones that you would truly miss. On the other side, put all of the things you need to get rid of, including emotional baggage. Make the list long and painfully articulate, because you will use this list every time you second-guess yourself during the hard break-up process. On this list, you must include actions and in appropriate behavior you saw in the beginning, which worsened during the relationship, but dismissed. This is important, because you don’t want to make the same mistakes again… Usually, someone in this position is dealing with a partner who wanted you to be dependent so s/he could manipulate you. This is, by definition narcissism. Read all you can about narcissistic and co-narcissistic behavior, because you have become a co-narcissist, if this is the case.
- Get a counselor of some kind or a life coach to keep you on track with your move and the challenge of separation. You will find solace in the fact that someone else’s suggestions and thoughts about what you need to do and how you do it are EXACTLY on point. In fact, you’ll depend on this counsel, sometimes, which is perfectly okay.
- Begin to get healthy spiritually and mentally. Of course, getting a counselor is one way to start the process, but, also, take classes in spiritually to begin the challenge and practice of getting to know a higher, better you. Remember, somewhere along the line you lost that person you once knew as happy. Even if your relationship started out with true love, somewhere you took a u-turn. Having a spiritual base and even a spiritual home will also support your strong decision to move on. You will need all of those new relationships to hold you, support you, and keep you standing during the inevitable painful times of divorce.
- Make a careful plan of everything you need to do in the breakup, including getting legal advice. Actually, you might even start here. Who knows, if you’re thinking of divorce, it’s quite possible your partner has, too. Begin looking for alternative places to live, stay, and move. Have a financial plan in place. Most people, especially women supported by rich husbands, are more frightened of their financial ruin than they are of anything else during a divorce. So, hiring the best legal council is on the top of your list. You won’t be sorry. You might even begin taking classes to start the new career you’ve been wanting to have for so long.
- Though all of this seems cold and calculated, we get nothing in life unless you first make a plan and can see it clearly. Divorce or leaving a long-standing relationship is no different than creating something new in Divine Mind. This new move is also a seed you plant in Divine Consciousness and water and tend to, just as you would a dream. See your new life—free of the pain—in your meditation and prayers, everyday. Don’t miss one day! You will need a clear picture of your new life without your partner.
- Make a plan to stay OUT of intimate relationships for at least a year, while you get your life and your mind healthy again. Some therapy suggests that you will spend exactly 1/2 of the time you were in the relationship, getting over it. Let’s try not to take that long, by doing all this good work ahead of time. But, you will, of course, need to take time to grieve, even if you’re the one leaving. So, as you can see, the worst thing someone can do while leaving one bad relationship is to leverage a new intimate relationship. This is only an attempt to buffer pain and not look at what you really want—authenticity and spiritual growth. First relationships after a divorce usually end in disaster and cause more problems than you intended. Don’t bring someone else into your smelly relationship. Clean it up, first; clean yourself up, first, then move on with grace.
Today's featured book is one of my novels, “The Leaving Cellar.” It's a book about waiting too long to take what you deserve from life. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.
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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian
What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…
What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?
If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?
Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian
Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)
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If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/.
Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.
Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.
Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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