You’ve had that long awaited special dinner. You shared a
bottle of champagne. You chatted in each other’s arms after smoldering intimacy
and don’t even remember falling asleep. The next day, your partner leaves for
work. You clean up the house and get ready for your own busy day. You notice
the card he gave you, left on the buffet under a red, heart-shaped box of the
finest chocolates.
You reread the card. This time you notice that he doesn’t
say some of the words you had wished to hear. The card says, “I love your
kindness and the awesome way I feel when I’m with you!” but he never says
anything quite like you did. In your card you wrote, “You are the man of my
dreams. I hope to be in love with you many, many years from now!”
Suddenly, you feel sad. Could you be in love with someone
who simply loves you more like a friend with benefits? Does the person you love
really plan a life with you? Wow! That is a hard question to answer honestly,
especially after Valentine’s Day. But the reality may be written right in front
of you on the card. You are simply too afraid to look at the truth because
you’re more scared of being alone than you are of being present for your own reality
show.
We watch way too much reality television. But
the truth is: very few of us want to be in our own shoes in our own
lives. We’d rather fantasize about what we have created in our minds as our illusion,
than live in the truth we actually created. What would happen if you asked the
real question today, the day after? What if you said to your partner, “Honey, I
noticed that you didn’t say the words I
Love You! in your card. You danced around it, but never really said it. He
holds you in his arms and says, without looking you in the eyes, “Babe, you
know I love you.”
In the reality, bereft of false hope, you hear what you
have been so frightened of. Today, you have the courage to ask that rare
question: “What exactly does your love mean? Do you see yourself with me in the
long term? Are you ‘in love’ with me?” You linger in the pause for far too
long, prompting you to ask her in another way, “I fear that you don’t love me
in the same you I love you. I love you with all my heart and mind and want to
see us growing old together. Can you and do you see that?”
She bows her head. “I don’t know that I’m in that place.”
Suddenly, yesterday means nothing to you. The past year or
years become meaningless. “Why, exactly, did you begin a relationship with
someone if commitment isn’t in the cards? Did this person want intimacy, or did
he want a commitment and to build a life together?” Your partner shakes his
head. “Oh, man, babe! It’s not you. It’s me. I’m just not ready to say those
words.”
If this happened to me, I don’t know that I would give the
partner another day of my precious life. Perhaps, you misjudged this person’s
level of secure attachment. He seemed as if he had all the qualities of the
person in the book, who isn’t afraid to share his truth, laugh with me, cry
with me, be completely herself. She wasn’t even afraid to move in together. Why
is this person suddenly acting as if you are not important enough to plan a
future with?
You know, your partner may be right. His reason for being
complacent and distant is not your fault at all. He or she may have baggage from
an old relationship. He may have a
sophomoric desire to see what relationship is like without actually committing
to one. She may need security more than she’s willing to admit. Whatever the
case, this is less about you than it is about your partner. Get honest with
yourself and check inside. Do you really want to live like in THIS REALITY? Do
you deserve the kind of commitment true love can bring?
I believe you do!
___________________________________
On a separate note, I hope you get a chance to enjoy my
new book, “Finding Authentic You.” There are 365 daily spirit-mind-body
discoveries . You can now find it on Amazon and Amazon Kindle. Below are the
links. If you’re like to follow
along with a group, there is also an online Year to Clear Challenge described
below.
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a
donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
·
Introduction to Meditation
·
Smoke Cessation mp3
·
Weight Loss mp3
·
Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
·
Insomnia mp3
·
Eternal Om mp3
·
Meditation Music mp3
·
Guide to Meditation mp3
·
Healing the Body mp3
·
And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for
your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
______________________________________________
New Challenge: Go to Week 13 of the “Year
to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
______________________________________________
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you
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Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to
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