I Got a Rock!
#charliebrown #relationship #divorce
Being single after being in a successful and loving
relationship is a hard place to be. Most times what one feels is the sense that
you have lost every person you who has ever loved you—all at the same time. The
emotions flood back as if, even issues of your mothering leaving your father,
had something to do with your own self-worth. This psychological processing
feels like a breakdown, but could be a breakthrough, if you are observant and
let yourself feel the pain that rests far beneath the surface of your same and
happy place. Some people call this visiting the “Dark Night of the Soul.” Most
times, at the end of that tunnel is a bright light.
Often when someone finds him/herself in a new phase of
life, at an older age, the outlook appears bleak. Most of the securely attached
people are already in a good relationship. If you need a date that has a full
set of teeth, doesn’t smoke, and has some sense of spirituality, you may have
to be patient. You put your own search criteria in your profile (happy, secure,
financially stable, and nice looking) and you often come up with is what
Charlie Brown often got in his Halloween sack—a ROCK!
It’s easy to look around you and think that everyone is
happy and satisfied with his/her dating or intimate life. But, as a life coach,
I see the side of people who are generally unhappy with what’s going on in that
scenario. People don’t often feel completely fulfilled in relationship. If it’s
family, two kids, and a man with a good job that you’re looking for, you will
probably find it, but you probably will find yourself saddled with children and
not having much intimacy with your husband. It would appear to me, as someone
who looks in from the outside, that most people usually desire a picture or
template of what happiness “should” look like, instead of searching for
authentic love and peace within themselves.
Relationship has to start out with some seed of
connection. Each of you has to have a spark of interest that continues to
increase with each step forward. But that seed can’t exist unless it has been
buried beneath the ground for the cold winter and knows what that feels like. You
can’t force that to happen, as many try to do without succeeding. I don’t care
how much money you have, how many cars you own, or how beautiful you are, you
still end up having to go through all the same steps in relationship, first
with yourself, then with someone else. If you’re lucky, some of those hard
times can be with someone secure who will mirror your insecurities and give you
a resting place for your soul.
If you are beginning again at an older age, just get used
to the idea that you have limited time to find the right one. If he or she
doesn’t appear, you’re going to have to create a life that you’ll be happy with
anyway! Amen? Usually, what happens is that happy and satisfied people end up
finding true love, because people are attracted to happiness. If you carry
around the baggage of anxious behavior, you will rarely attract a secure
person. You may attract an avoidant person who recognizes your need for
relationship and will later use your anxiousness to manipulate you. That isn’t
a good thing for anyone.
If you find that you are an anxiously attached person, get into therapy and work on getting comfortable in your own skin. You have to enjoy your own life before you can connect with another healthy individual. Trust me, almost anyone can feel when your happiness depends upon him/her. That may be why a great deal of happy people run when they get into sound relationships. When it would appear that an individual has become transparent and is satisfied with only you, it scares the person. They would much rather live on the edge of thinking that you could live without them. Then they will stay attached. What a stupid game to play. But that happens more than you know.
Obviously, most times in relationship, we deal with
underdeveloped communication skills and end up unhappy 50% of the time,
especially when we depend upon our partners to act in a certain way. This is
why it is paramount to be happy with your self first. Get that and get it in
the deepest way and you’ll always be able to come back to some sense of peace
at the end of the day.
___________________________________
On a separate note, I hope you get a chance to enjoy my
new book, “Finding Authentic You.” There are 365 daily spirit-mind-body
discoveries. You can now find it on Amazon and Amazon Kindle. Below are the
links. If you’re like to follow
along with a group, there is also an online Year to Clear Challenge described
below.
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a
donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
·
Introduction to Meditation
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Smoke Cessation mp3
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Weight Loss mp3
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Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
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Insomnia mp3
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Eternal Om mp3
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Meditation Music mp3
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Guide to Meditation mp3
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And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for
your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
______________________________________________
New Challenge: Go to Week 13 of the “Year
to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
______________________________________________
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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