The Breaking Point—A Relationship
Gets Overloaded
I know two soul mates in their twenties who fell in love and
got married after a year of blissful dating. Their relationship seemed steady
and consistent… on the road to being the perfect template of a middle-class
family with 2 ½ children. However, after only six months of marital joy, the
young man got diagnosed with lymphoma cancer and immediately began aggressive treatment.
I have to be honest; this dude was very attractive before
his diagnoses—robust, handsome, very nice, and in shape. But, suddenly, he was
emaciated, completely bald, his face swollen like he had been on anabolic
steroids, and sicker than any one individual could bear. As the primary
breadwinner of the family, his wife now had to find sitters for him and go back
to work to afford to live with an ailing husband and a burgeoning child in her
womb. Fortunately, they had a very supportive church family who helped in all
ways.
In a flash, what looked to be the perfect marriage was now
a struggling fight to stay afloat and literally alive! Time passed. After a
year, this man actually got healthier. He gained about 75 pounds more than he
had been. He didn’t have enough energy to workout, so he appeared weak and
pale. But, he was able to return to work. Not as cheerful as he had been before
the cancer, but certainly as nice. I could see a vast difference in his
demeanor after what he had suffered the prior year.
Before the cancer, he was always cheerful and a real
go-getter. Now, I believe, getting through the day is just about as much as he
can handle. With a one-year-old baby and a wife that has returned to being a
dependent, the stress of this relationship is probably more than he can handle.
I can’t even imagine how his wife feels.
I do, however, wonder even more about how I would feel in
that same situation. What if I actually married my partner, whom I adore and
feel is the perfect match for me, and everything changed six months after the
marriage? What if he got diagnosed with a deadly illness, lost his job, was
really an adulterer, or even worse—died? How would that change our relationship
and my life? Would the love and trust, which is the glue to any intimate
relationship withhold the cracks in the foundation and the weight of the harsh
present?
Interestingly enough, my last relationship went through a
few of the same difficulties as stated above, so I have a clear perspective on
how it affected me. After my last partner moved in, I began to discover things
about him that were completely contrary to my understanding of him. He got
diagnosed with a heart complication, lost his job, lost his income, got sued by
the government, and tried to have an affair with a friend—all in a period of 7
months. Since it was the beginning of our relationship together, the answer
quickly became very clear about what I had to do.
When someone gets sick, you except to stand by him. When
someone loses a job, you do what you can financially to support him until he
gets back on his feet. But when all of this happens at once, and the best he
can do is sit and watch television 10 hours a day and make passes at a good
friend, you cut the strings and say goodbye.
I’m not afraid to admit I made a bad mistake and start
over. In fact, I’m glad I did. I’ve met a much more compatible partner in the
process and one who is way more securely attached, as well.
Men simply look at relationship different than women. Men
wonder about if we lose the attraction to our partners, if we would still be
satisfied in the relationship. This probably means that too much weight rests
of the physical and ego, and not on the spiritual part of oneself. Before
marriage, you musts know without a shadow of a doubt that this person is
supposed to be a part of your life no matter what happens. With that knowledge,
I guess, you could endure any problems or sickness. But when adultery and lying
enter in, this becomes a matter of cleaning up a mess and starting over.
______________________________________________
Go to Week 3
of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge”
at www.Bosebastian.com
______________________________________________
Look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a
Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my
Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a
month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have
already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A
Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year
Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a
person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At
twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal
minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a
book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and
you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR
stands for (Compassionate, Loving,
Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to
engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks,
promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each
week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab,
a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group
functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to
have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at
growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring
to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental
problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and
expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive
connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to
CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in
change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around
us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective,
looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the
ability to change and finding
yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call
getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of
change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process.
The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye
Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the
mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this
constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling
future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance
to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a
donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
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My Latest Book: Finding Authentic You—7 Steps to
Effective Change (800 page downloadable Kindle version)
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Introduction to Meditation
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Smoke Cessation mp3
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Weight Loss mp3
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Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
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Insomnia mp3
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Meditation Music mp3
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Guide to Meditation mp3
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And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for
your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to
Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd
R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
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