The Bachelor:
A Perfect Lesson for Attachment Styles
#thebachelor
#juancarlos :
I watched The Bachelor last night, because
nothing else was on television, and quite frankly, Juan Carlos is just smoking
hot. He looks to be the picture of confidence. But as I watched the show and
heard about his biography, I noticed immediately that no one explained why he
was a single father. Just once in the entire show did I hear him mention that
the two-year relationship with his child’s mother didn’t work out, and he simply
moved on. He didn’t say if he had been married or not. The producers also made
a big deal about his relationship with his family and his need for a mother for
his child, mostly because both parents seemed to want this more than he did. To
me, this looks like a desire for him to recreate a picture of his secure family
scenario. However, from a couple random stories from brothers-in-law of Juan
Carlos, we heard that he may have been a bit of a gigolo in the recent past.
So, this scenario appears to be a bit of an anxious
attachment scenario for Juan Carlos. Now let’s look at the 26 piranhas wanting
to snatch him up as a husband. (I know there were 27 women, but read on to find
out why I say just 26 were anxious.)
Most of the women he picked with the rose ceremony last
evening seemed confident. I picked the majority of those women based merely on
their ability to move past their own anxious feelings to appear authentic. The
women who were too anxiously attached and fearful, Juan Carlos simply didn’t
pick, which was a good move on his part.
We listened to 20 minutes of one woman’s whiny story, who
ended up crying half the night because just 6 months ago her fiancé, who also
had a child, had abandoned her live-in relationship just 6 weeks before their
marriage. So, the entire evening became a PTSD (post traumatic event) for this
woman, who couldn’t contain her tears. You didn’t have to wonder why. I felt
sorry for her that the producers would pick her purposely for the show,
probably, because she was incredibly vulnerable. She obviously wasn’t a bearer
of the coveted rose.
Let’s focus on the one woman to whom Juan Carlos gave his
initial rose. She got out of the limousine and was aloof, to say the least. She
was an opera singer who flew in from Germany to be on the show. Juan Carlos
described her as “mondo” or worldly. I would say she was one of the least
physically beautiful women. Also
she didn’t much care about being on the program. It seemed by her attitude that
she immediately struck an avoidantly-attached disposition. This means that
because of past hurts and a belief that all men leave, she became the one who
said to Juan Carlos, by her disposition, “If you want me, you’ll have to hunt
me down and catch me.”
Interestingly enough, Juan Carlos took the bait. This means
that, indeed, he is a bit anxiously attached. Anxious people subconsciously
look for avoidant people, because they believe they have the ability to change
them. Juan Carlos is just confident enough in his physical prowess, that he
believed, out of all the women, she too, should be attracted and want him, so
much so, that he proved he would pursue her by giving her the initial rose.
The woman he chose responded to the camera by saying, “I
didn’t really feel any bond with Juan Carlos.” She also showed this by her
confused demeanor throughout the remainder of the show.
I think I’m going to follow The Bachelor for a while
to see if it plays out, using our attachment theories. For more on Attachment styles,
do a search in my blog for the term, and you will find out a great deal of
information.
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