Friday, December 12, 2014

Health vs. Fear

I have been fighting a cold for the last week. In fact, after I spent two, 12-hour days on a set for a commercial, I went to sleep exhausted. I woke up in the dregs of the flu. I was also plagued with fear about everything in my life. My body was weak, and my mind followed the weakness to a darkening path.

Yesterday, while I was still on set, I got a message from my agent saying I had a big audition for today. The part sounded as if it were built specifically for me. I was very excited when I read the message. (In case you don’t understand the agent process in acting: Your agent submits you for roles. Then the casting agent, hired by the company creating the commercial, reviews the submissions and picks specific types for the role. So, when you get a call from your agent that you’ve been chosen to read for a role, you have a great reason to believe that you have made it to the next step. Then, if you get a callback, that’s even better. Of course, ultimately, you want to book the gig.) However, the entire process takes a great deal of self-esteem and knowing you have the ability to—not just attain the role—but be the role.

My point is, the evening before the sickness took hold of my body, I was completely ready for the audition. But this morning, as sick as I was, I felt no self-confidence and a great deal of fear about everything in my life. You may say, “Well, of course! You were sick. That makes sense.”

But, in the middle of the fear, I didn’t get the perspective I have now, that the fear was actually coming up as a result of weakness in my body. In fact, I was ready to bag the audition. Fortunately, I realized about fifteen minutes into the drive to Miami, that fear had plagued my body and my mind. So, I began to play an MP3 of affirmations that I made for myself about self-esteem and achieving my goals. This is a great way to help yourself whenever you get stuck in a bad place, mentally. (If you have a smart phone, most of them have a recording device that you can easily record some positive affirmations. Then put it on loop as you play it back over and over until it gets in your head.) As I listened to my own voice repeat positive messages, I repeated them back to myself a few more times.

One specific message was: “I am one with Spirit and Spirit cannot reject Itself.” Then, I began to thank God for all the beautiful things in my life and for the sky and the sunshine. Thanksgiving opens up a portal to grace and love. I spoke thankful words about anything I could imagine that was wonderful and good in my life. As I did so, I felt a warm release in my soul that seemed to permeate my mind as well. Suddenly, the anxiety lifted. Where a moment before I had felt fear, peace flowed through my mind and into my body. Even though, I still felt physically ill, I knew that all was in divine order. I finally let go of what I couldn’t control anyway!

When I released from worry, everything in my mind changed. The audition was perfect. I got to get home earlier than I had expected. I got a flat tire on the way home. But, still, I was at peace. Remember: When you get physically ill, take extra time to care for your body AND your mind. Both will be affected.

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