I spent the day watching carefully how much energy I invested in areas of my life concerning relationship. This included family, friends, work, and intimate relationships. I noticed that as I focused my energy on the investments in my life that prosper, I have more generalized energy to function in a positive way. When I invest energy into places in my life—particularly intimate relationships and friendship that haven’t been tried and tested—I lose energy in all aspects of my life. In other words, when I spend time thinking about what hasn’t transpired or what I would like to happen in intimate relationships, expectation captures all of my creative energy, then, inevitably, disappointment happens.
I wise man said to me recently, “Relationship is what it is, not what you make of it.” My friend was speaking of how much energy we waste imagining that relationship is what we want it to be, NOT what it actually is. This could be in any kind of relationship, but specifically in intimate ones. I believe this small experiment we did yesterday can help each of us to learn to invest the powers of our life that actually give back energy we have invested in greater and wonderful forms.
Intimate relationships are the hardest energy to manage, because we bring to the table many attachments from the past. If we had bad relationships with parents, teachers, first husbands or wives, we probably are going to try to make intimate relationships in our present life something they are not. We tend to want to mold our current relationships into a healing salve to nurture our old wounds from past relationships.
I know the worst problem I have when dealing with any kind of relationship is staying in the present. I find myself, almost immediately upon meeting someone new, putting that person into a category in my mind. He or she is either a possibility for something that can change the mental problems of the past or make them worse. No one gets to be in a category that’s marked: This person will not affect my life at all. Everyone I let into my life has the capacity to change my energy and my past. (At least, that’s what I have believed.)
But the question I have to ask myself is: Is this statement true? Can any one person change the past for me? Can any relationship take away past hurt and bring a new horizon of good energy to intimate relationship?
I think we all are setting ourselves up for grave disappointment if we nurture that kind of thinking. With each new relationship, YOU have the opportunity to act differently. The focus shouldn’t be on the other person. He or she is innocuous in the end. That person will probably be the exact same person you have been attracting your entire life. You just have to decide how differently you will treat the situation. Will you rise up to meet this relationship with something new and wonderful? Will you wait until a person deserves your trust before you dive into love? Will you begin a relationship slow and watch carefully to see if a person is worthy of your love?
I know that in my life, even after many failed attempts at relationship, I tend to place expectation on relationship that often will push a person away, instead of draw them into love, which is what my heart truly wants and deserves.
Let’s take one more day to see if we can manage to change the energy we place on relationships in our lives. Can you take today to only put energy on the intimate relationships that give a payoff of love and respect? With the relationships that hold only expectation, can you imagine that these relationships are merely seeds or small plants waiting for time and nurturing to show whether they are healthy, viable relationships that will bear the fruit of longevity?
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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