I was once engaged to a woman. Yes, it’s true. She is a lovely lady who has gone on to become a prominent psychologist (probably from all of the growth she went through trying to marry me!). I tell you this story, because we were in counseling together to try to figure out our issues before the big day, when the psychologist replied to my fiancée with these words: “I don’t think Bo is demanding. I think he just has a healthy ego!”
I will never forget the look on my fiancée’s face. I think she wanted to punch the counselor. Nonetheless, it has been many years since that day, and I am still trying to find the answers for attaining a balanced and healthy ego.
First, in my world of spirituality without borders, the word Ego has come to be a negative word that usually means that part of our humanness that tends to get in the way of our spirituality. It is the illusion of individuality that creates the torment in our souls. At least, this is how it has been described to me over the past 20 years or so in metaphysics.
However, my eyes were wide open a few days ago when the editor of my new book—Your New Story, Your New Life—said to me: “Why do you keep saying the Ego is bad?” (ps. the book will be out soon. You’ll know it’s out when you hear the cries of a man giving birth!)
To that, I looked up the definition of ego in the dictionary. To my wonder I saw: a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
I realized, in that moment, that I had been imposing a spiritual definition on this word without even knowing it. So, I’ve gone back into my book and rearranged the word with two separate words: balanced and unbalanced ego.
Balanced Ego
When our spirits are given a human body in birth, immediately our experience is one of individuality. We are like snowflakes. No one has the same DNA or fingerprints. We are born with, develop unique talents, and are drawn to specific food, hobbies, and people. Absolutely no one understands why each individual does so with such immediacy and direction. None of these attributes are negative. They may be in our DNA. They may be instinctual. They may be inherited. In fact, in developing our egos, we seek to hone these special features to become the most authentic people we can be. Also, as co-creators on earth, our ego minds are the actual consciousness that turns dreams into reality. We are, indeed, powerful egos.
Unbalanced Ego
As we took form and developed individuality, perhaps, we had people in our past who shaped our ideas of the Ego by imposing their beliefs and structure on our infant minds. This could be true with abuse, sexual misconduct, harsh living situations, and many other contributing factors to the young mind. The fact is, though, the ego can be shaped and formed to evolve into something other than wonderful. It can become a Hitler or a terrorist.
If one of your parents was a narcissist, your ego may have become unbalanced by being the co-narcissist in the relationship. This wasn’t your fault. You simply had to survive. If you were abused, you protected yourself in whatever way you could. If this happened, again, not your fault. However, in the process, the ego becomes unbalanced, unhealthy. It does so by superimposing the past events on the present moment. In other words, when you have a great evening with a friend, you may still feel empty and sad inside because of an unhealthy ego. In the worst case scenarios, egos move toward more and more unhealthy behavior and very likely seek to destruct.
The goal, however, is to balance the unhealthy parts of the ego by finding that observer self, I so often talk about. To get healthy, to find definition, to understand yourself and your reactions, you have to have a place where you can step apart from the situation and observe yourself without judgment. In so doing, we begin to find our triggers, those places that push us to negative behavior. When we find these triggers, we must also acquire help to unhook from them. This may take finding a therapist, a life coach, going to hypnosis, or finding a modality like breath work or yoga to inhibit the negative behavior.
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This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.
Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in March or April 2016!
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Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.
You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.
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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.
Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.
Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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