The Face Mask
I remember as a child in Catholic school, when the nuns
would tell me that I should strive to be like Jesus, I became frightened. I
imagined that living a life following the Master’s footsteps would ultimately
lead to death’s door. Take up the cross and follow, meant more pain and
struggle than I wanted to give, especially at such a tender age.
When I was eight, my family stopped attending church. I
decided I still wanted to go, though, because I always felt the presence of something
magical in the ceremony. I continued to hitchhike to church until I moved in
with my single mother in eleventh grade. At that time, I was offered the job of
the church organist for the Catholic church next door to our apartment complex.
I actually led my first choir at 16 years old. The old men in the choir hated
the fact that I was so young, which didn’t make up for the fact that not one of
them sang terribly on pitch. Nonetheless, it was a job, my first one. Playing
the organ for my man, Jesus!
I guess this was when I donned my first mask. A good
Christian couldn’t be gay, and even by then, I knew I was way different than
every other boy in my high school. So, I had to pretend that I was straight for
the good of the congregation and to keep my job. People just weren’t out of the
closet then, especially in the church. Everything happened in secret, in
vestibules, and in choir lofts.
I learned early on that a mask was harder than a lie. To
maintain the mask I had to learn to create a web of deceit that even I began to
believe. This meant dating girls, having dude friends that confirmed my straight
story, and also kissing a girl, which I didn’t like at all. Sorry, Katie Perry!
For my birthday this year, a dear friend bought me some
facial products that included a clinical facial masque. The instructions were
in French, so I all remember thinking when I applied it was: oo, Spa Night!
I watched, at least, three television shows before I
realized that the masque began to sting like a sunburn. When I went to the bathroom
to wash it off, my skin felt a bit sensitive, not like the $5-peel-off masques
I bought at Big Lots. The next day, I woke up with my eyes swollen and had bright
red bags under my them the size and texture of a Sunkist orange wedge. All I
wanted to do was scratch my face off.
I tried every form of cream I had in the house to stop the
itch. I washed, I scrubbed, I even exfoliated, but nothing helped but very cold
washcloths all over it—me. I began to break out in hives on my shoulders and
chest. How could one mask cause so much
trouble?
Alas, this was the story of my life. By the time I reached
thirty, I had gone in and out of the closet four times, using masks aplenty. I
didn’t know what I was, who I was, or what I wanted to be when I grew up. I
just knew that what I didn’t want was to be hated, despised, and ostracized
from those I loved. Those I loved all believed that being gay was simply wrong.
Remnants of my life had times when I understood that a
community of likeminded men and women would help me find refuge, but I didn’t
become certain I wanted to be a part of their fold until I recognized that
masks were a part of life and religion too. When I would become an integral
part of a church, I saw a side of ministers and lay people alike that didn’t
mimic the footsteps of Jesus at all. In fact, sometimes I felt as if, when the
masks came off, and the ministers appeared as humans, we all had scarier demons
just beneath like the fiery red facial masque that never peeled off. Are we
better wearing the masks than unveiling our true selves?
Last night, I watched the winter finale of the television
show Nashville.
The depiction of the sub-character country male singer who hid being gay to
further his career, stood in front of a train and ended his life. This result happens
when you wear a mask. Alcoholism, drug addiction, secret sex addiction,
overeating all happen when, what you wear NOT is your authentic self. You can
always deal with an addiction and the reaction of taking off the mask, but you
can’t change who you really are.
______________________________________________
New Challenge: Go to Week 7 of the “Year
to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
______________________________________________
Look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a
Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my
Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a
month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have
already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A
Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year
Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a
person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At
twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal
minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a
book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and
you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR
stands for (Compassionate, Loving,
Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to
engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks,
promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each
week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab,
a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group
functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to
have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at
growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring
to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome
mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and
expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive
connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to
CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in
change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around
us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective,
looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the
ability to change and finding
yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call
getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of
change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process.
The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye
Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the
mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this
constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling
future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance
to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a
donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
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My Latest Book: Finding Authentic You—7 Steps to
Effective Change (800 page downloadable Kindle version)
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Introduction to Meditation
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Smoke Cessation mp3
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Weight Loss mp3
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Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
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Insomnia mp3
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Eternal Om mp3
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Meditation Music mp3
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Guide to Meditation mp3
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Healing the Body mp3
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And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for
your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to
Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd
R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
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