Falsely Accused: #rape
#domesticabuse #falselyaccused
Many people inflict violent harm to others, businesses, and
communities. Even the most heinous of those crimes must go to trial to be sure
someone is rightly accused and convicted. This is a good thing. Have you ever
spoken with someone who had been falsely accused, spent twenty years in a
penitentiary with the violence and rape in prisons, then because of a new DNA
test ended up released from prison? Imagine being that falsely accused person,
or someone like Nelson Mandela or a person just doing his/her normal daily
duties, who just so happened to look like a murderer. Or worse yet, being
accused by a loved one out of vengeance for something such as domestic or
sexual abuse. Moving through a trial and accusations is terrible to go through
with anyone.
The one time I experienced a false allegation, first hand,
was with a client. A husband and wife were filing for divorce. They had three
children. The oldest of the children was a 16-year-old boy who became terribly
angry at his father for stepping out on his mother with the father’s secretary.
After listening to three months of violent fights between his parents, the
young boy staged a sexual abuse case against his father. He told a friend’s
parents his father had been abusing him. Of course, the friend’s parents
brought him to the police station for protection and to tell his story to DCS.
When my client was called to the police station in the
middle of the night after thinking her son had been missing for two hours, she
was relieved and confused at the same time. Could this truly have happened
under her roof? All signs actually pointed to the father not being guilty, but
the proceedings went forward, with the father banned from the family until the
ugly truth would come out.
After a polygraph test, the father was exonerated, and the
child came clean to a counselor at the Department of Children Services. From
what I know, the parents were never able to talk to the young boy about what
really happened. I don’t believe the father, after four years, has had any kind
of healthy relationship with his son.
Though the father wasn’t my client and had hurt the kids and
their mother terribly by having an affair, my compassion still flowed toward
him. The one time I had been accused of something I hadn’t done was one of the
most painful times I had ever had to go through. Even my friends held me
accountable until I was proven innocent. Even then, they remained suspicious
and probably pulled away from my life, because, later, they became ashamed they
hadn’t trusted me. This is not a win-win situation for anyone, even when you
are exonerated.
But, my advice remains the same for anyone in this situation,
no matter how severe the resistance or allegations are; be your authentic self.
Don’t change in the face of someone else’s lies. Find ways to prove your
innocence that may be out of the box. With me, I kept telling friends that I
would love to get together with my accuser (and them) and talk it through. I
had nothing to hide. When my accuser never came to the table; eventually, all
of my friends and ministers decided the person making up the story wasn’t me. This
process took almost a half a year of my life and lots of painful moment. I
can’t imagine a Nelson Mandela story or someone being imprisoned falsely for a
murder. These days false imprisonment happens less, because of DNA testing, but
even then, you can be a part of a person’s daily life and have your DNA all
over a home without being a perpetrator.
Life is difficult. But the law is even more tenuous when
it’s up to the accused to find a fail-safe story with corroborating evidence to
support one’s innocence. If you just happened to be alone the night of a murder
and were watching television with no one knowing of your whereabouts, you are
simply out of luck. With the dawn of cell phones and GPS information connected
to the phones, just by making one phone call that night when you’re by
yourself, can sometimes be the proof you need to show you were nowhere near the
scene of the crime, especially if yourself cell phone remained in the on
position all night.
I’m not so certain why I chose this subject this morning.
It’s a Sunday near Christmas and my heart is thinking about false imprisonment.
Maybe I need to do some self-inquiry on myself to understand where my
metaphoric heart may be holding fast to a lie from the past. I know I always
feel better when I question myself about my thoughts and action. My mind is
connected to an intricate network of thoughts and patterns and attachments from
my past, like a computer. If I understand the connections, I am most likely to be
an observer of my actions than feel I AM my thoughts and actions. Being the
observer is a much more powerful place to exist.
______________________________________________
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to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
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Below is information that I will be sharing for about a
month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have
already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A
Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year
Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a
person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At
twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal
minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a
book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and
you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR
stands for (Compassionate, Loving,
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engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks,
promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each
week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab,
a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group
functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to
have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at
growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring
to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome
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The combination of all three in one book with an interactive
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The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in
change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around
us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective,
looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the
ability to change and finding
yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call
getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of
change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process.
The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye
Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the
mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this
constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling
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Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance
to Change
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