You WERE Always on My Mind

            I think everyone has that someone who has permeated his/her mind to the point that he or she influences decisions and events long after the person has gone.

            I can think of one or two people in my life that I think about and wonder "what would .... think about that if he or she was standing right here?" or wonder if it would make that person jealous or envious because I have succeeded in some way that far surpassed their memory of me. 

            It saddens me, in fact, that I go there--every time I go there. I don't want to live in the past. I don't want my life to be about proving to anyone that I'm worthy or good enough for good. I should know by now that the only person I have to prove that to is MYSELF. 

            Worthiness, unfortunately, was one of those identifying markers our family and teachers branded into our brains. This is one of those neuro pathways that takes years to undo if you are living in the past and/or trying to undo the mental state on a cognitive level (with cognitive therapy).

            The only way I can deal with it is from a spiritual place which I learned from self-hypnosis. I talk about my spiritual perch. You can only get there if you learn to relax enough and disassociate enough from the physical body to find a comfortable observing place where there is no judgement or condemnation. I find that I can watch what I do as a human and redirect my path calmly and wisely using the tools I learn daily from my spiritual teachers and reading from this perch. 

            I hope this helps if you are like me and waste so much time thinking in the past about people who have wronged you and left you for reasons you may never know. It's time to cut your losses and move on. They may find you again or not. But you have grander pastures to walk through and lovelier people to invite into your consciousness. Amen.