The Scary Loss of Sexual Desire

I would have to say that the most disconcerted clients and the most frustrated are the ones who can't seem to get their sexual drive back into their lives or their relationships.

            Case and Point: Two people are together for ten years. They have two children. One works very hard and takes work home. The other is more involved in the rearing of the children and taking care of the home, an exhausting job. 

            At the end of the day, neither feel sexy, neither feel clean enough to touch each other, neither feel as if they have the energy to even partake in any sexuality. They kiss on the lips, spoon for a few minutes, then roll to the opposite side of their California King and fall dead asleep.

            This goes on for days before one decides he or she has to take action. But the other party isn't always willing. It takes some coercing. Sometimes the active party is successful and sometimes he or she isn't. Add to that, one of the partners is on a medicine that effects his/her libido, you have the ingredients for a very frustrating sex life. If this goes on for any longer than six months, the frustrated partner will quit trying and begin satisfying him or herself in other waysl

            Is it a marriage none the less? Even if the partners go months without sex? Years without sex? 

            Some would say, absolutely. I happen to disagree. I think that sexuality is a very important part of relationship—the glue that makes an intimate relationship the difference between a friendship or a business relationship, which most marriages turn into after so many years.

            Personally, I don't want a marriage without intimacy and sexuality. It appears, by the many people who have come to seek help, that these people want intimacy back in their relationships as well. In the next few days, I'm going to focus on ways of rekindling the fire in relationships. Ways to regroup and spend time nurturing the intimate parts of the relationship that actually drew you and your partner together. 

            I look forward to this journey with you.