The Commitment of a Friend

            Over the years I have had many different kinds of friends. I have what I would call best friends, great friends, wonderful friends, close friends, good friends, dear friends, acquaintances, neighbor friends, people I've met a few times, but could call on a whim... In other words, there are a bevy of definitions for friends. But the truth is, there is really only one true definition for friend: Trust.

            Over the years I have also parried down my dear friend category and placed a great deal of people in the acquaintance lot. And some, I hate to say it, didn't even make it there. Why? Trust.

            I figure, by now, if I can't trust a person, why have someone in my life in any way, shape or form. Right? I mean, do we really have the time to have people in our lives who take from us and don't give back; who tell our secrets; who trample on the precious jewels of our lives? 

            I don't think so.

            This past two years has been a wake up call for me. I pray almost every day this prayer, "I release and let go of all things that no longer serve my life. I am open and willing for change."

            I mean that prayer with all my heart. I know that Spirit is listening and angels are moving around me making changes and shifts, because people are exiting my life right and left.

            Sometimes it really hurts. Especially, when I don't understand why, and there is no explanation or reason. But that is where faith comes in, I suppose. But most times, when I look back at the relationship, I notice that I gave way more than I took in the friendship. Or I was unable to be my authentic self. Or maybe I was just being used for some reason, that I was unaware of. 

            I have a story I tell to my clients who are hurting from separation anxiety. The story is about a friend. This friend is still a friend on Facebook.  (So if you are reading this, I hope you don't mind me telling the tale.)

            But about 25 years ago, I was engaged to a dear woman and living in NYC. We went to a Pentecostal church and wanted to get involved in the music ministry, as we were both singers. As per the ministry's requirements, they interviewed possible singers. So, each of us met with the music director. I met with a guy for lunch. We discussed our lives. He told me that he used to be gay and now is married. I told him that I had been gay, as well, but had no guilt about my past or judgment about gay people. 

            It was after that conversation we were politely asked to leave the church. 

            Years later, that same music minister ended up in Nashville leading a large church. After having 4 children and being a very well-known Christian minister, he came out, and also got asked to step down from his position as minister. He told me that he thought about calling me for years and apologizing for his action. One day, I got the phone call. 

            It took 17 years for me to get an apology. Seventeen years for someone to change. Seventeen years for spirit to do the work it needed to do in this individual to make a difference. 

            I think of that story when I think of friends exiting my life. Perhaps it's not forever. Perhaps it's just for a moment or a year... or enough time for a friend to grow. Maybe it's for me to grow too. So, some time in the future we can love deeper and see without judgment together. 

            At least, that's my hope.