Who
Can I Trust?
Lately
I’ve been hearing horror stories of relationships past that have considerably
clouded the idea of relationships present. In the telling, the question always
comes down to the most enviable of ingredients in a sound couple: Trust.
How
do you find trust? Who is worthy of your heart? Who is the person you can
finally say to yourself, I can rest in his/her arms and believe I’m in a safe
place?
No
easy answer to this question exists, because trust comes from time—sometimes a
long time of measurable actions and reactions to life from another person. When
I look at the people I trust the most in life, I see people who have been steadfast
for the long haul and have stayed and have been a solid rock of understanding,
compassion, and love. This doesn’t happen over night. In fact, it sometimes
takes years.
I
believe many times I have been too anxious to trust in life. I have not allowed
the storms of life to come and seasons to change to see the reactions of the
person that I was with, before I gave my heart fully. I understand my mistake
and realize I must be patient. “Slow and steady wins the race.”
I
have a good friend who says that you should see a person through every season
before you commit your heart. I believe this is more of a metaphor of life than
an actual amount of time. Some people prove their good in life very quickly.
You can see this, perhaps because they go to the same church as you and believe
in a similar way. Almost immediately your heart and their hearts are connected.
Or
maybe, in a way, you are what is called a “wound mate” with someone. A Wound
Mate is a person who has experienced many of the same bad times and wounds that
you have. Sometimes this person has had a similar childhood; sometimes they
have experienced relationship disappointments in the same way you did; and
sometimes it is just one thing like a rape, a twelve-step experience, or one
kind of horrifying experience that most people never have in life.
With
any of these scenarios, though, the propensity is to trust too quickly. Wounds
don’t tell the story of a person’s character.
How a human deals with the
wounds tells the story.
So,
when you hear these horror stories from your new friends and partners, you need
to be listening for the ingredient in a relationship recipe that brings a
binding glue built on solid love. This one ingredient is the ability to grow
“out from” a bad situation. This moving forward brings the seeds of love and
compassion deeply needed for any mature relationship.
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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