Trust: Friend vs. an Ex-partner

Trust:  Friend vs. an Ex-Partner

I’m not the kind of guy who has ever really had to be tough with anyone my entire life. In sixth grade I punched a guy after school to defend my honor with my girlfriend, but that was the extent of my testosterone. I think I used up the majority of my life’s allotment in that one moment. LOL.

I have been kind of a pushover the rest of my life. Tell me a sad story, and I’ll believe you, even if you’re lying right to my face. And I usually pride myself at knowing the truth when I hear it.

My lessons lately seem to be that I have to get tougher spiritually and mentally—stronger at making sound decisions with people particularly. I feel I need to start treating people with the reciprocity they deserve, instead of always thinking peaceful thoughts toward every person who doesn’t deserve kindness.

You may be thinking, what a harsh lesson for a peaceful warrior to be teaching, but I guess balance comes with every teaching. My nature is not to be mean to anyone. But I have found that for the last two months, I have been… let’s say a bit disgruntle, a lot. I have broken-up with old friends who have treated me poorly. I have stopped business relationships that were going nowhere. I have told people exactly how I feel about situations, with no holes barred. And, I have to say, I feel better as a result. It’s as if I’m taking every thing that has been bottled up and letting it out. “Finally,” I hear my therapist saying.

I tell you all this, because I had an unusual evening. I was deluged with text messages from an ex-friend about drama in his life that left him incapable to pay some debt he owes. Have you ever met someone who carries drama with him everywhere he goes? I mean it feels like it looms around him like a black cloud. When drama is not present, something pulls him into another mess. He can’t seem to wade into peaceful waters—ever. He is like a parasite to drama. His blood pressure is off the charts always.

I say all that because, even though he was filled with drama, I always felt like he was trustworthy—or at least honest enough to make a go of a friendship. And honest enough to lend him money.

Recently, a couple friends said something about him that just blew my mind. They totally made me think he was another person completely. Because of this news, I have spent the last couple weeks just wanting to erase the entire friendship from my mind. I have placed this idea of whom he is in place of all the old thoughts and have made him into this maniacal liar from day one. Now, the thought of him makes me completely angry.

So, tonight, I just told him exactly how I felt about his drama. I don’t care about his situation and that he needs to keep his commitments with me—period. He was aghast at my behavior—of course. I never treated him with anything but kindness and patience. I got 20 text messages in a row about everything from how he has defended me and gotten kicked out of a bar for hitting someone for talking shit about me, to friends coming on to him who have talked badly about him. As if his defending me is proof that he is not treating me with manipulation.

Honestly, I don’t really care at this point what happened or who is telling me the truth. I just want the past out of my life. And unfortunately, this ex-friend is part of that past that didn’t work. So now he has to keep his commitment to his decision no matter how hard it gets for him. And he also must honor his commitments to paying back what he owes.

Let’s try to realize in our times of being spiritual that life has its human moments that take our total commitment to the physical brain and mental stability of the NOW. We live in a world controlled by money and contracts, both social and financial. If we are willing to take out a contract, we must also be willing to fulfill it.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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