A Good FIG Trumps a Bad DATE—Everytime!
I had a very good friend say to me last week, “Thank you for
sharing all of your experiences with dating. Now I know I feel better being
single!”
Dating is hard, no doubt. Putting yourself out there for
rejection and trying to keep your heart open and vulnerable for the right
person to come along is sometimes more than I can handle. This is where the
good “Fig” comes in.
If you haven’t been reading my blog, the Fig is the man or
woman in your life who is the friend(s) you go to for fun and to talk out the
disparaging parts of your life—probably your dating life. You get from the Fig,
what you don’t get from the date… though both are good for your digestive
system at the end of the day.
The Fig is there to be compassionate and loving. The
date—well—the vote is still out on that one.
Here is a good plan that involves incorporating dating with
spending as much time as you can with people who really love and care for you.
Perhaps, instead of spending the entire week looking on-line and talking to
people to ferret out who may be the next person you would like to meet, you
spend just one day doing the mating dance. Then spend the rest of the week
surrounded by the people who really care about you and love you back to your
strong center.
Or get a good Life Coach or counselor that can talk you back
into sanity. The Fig and the counselor are great choices. With the paid person,
though, you can be sure you are not burdening your friends with all your bad
energy and keeping them precious and wonderful for your good energy.
I sense that some of the problem with putting ourselves out
there for dating is balance. To face rejection in the writing world, whenever I
would know that it was time to receive a letter from a publishing company or an
agent—whether it be a yes or no—I would send out a new submission the
week before.
When I did this, I guarded my heart from the idea that when
I would got that one letter that my world wasn’t over. I had already started
the process of submitting before the rejection had a chance to set into my
subconscious. Otherwise, sometimes it would take months before I had the
courage and self-esteem to send out another submission.
Some coaches would recommend that you sit in your rejection
and feel it completely before you move on. I, actually, have become one of
those Life Coaches. I have learned a lot more about taking care of myself since
the days of submitting all of those writing projects. When I sit in the emotion
I am feeling, it is now good for my soul. For years I avoided the feeling of
rejection because I was afraid I would crumble and turn into a heap of
emptiness.
Rejection sticks in our craw like bad seafood. The taste and
digestion of it take days to process. So, if you know you are about to put
yourself in a position of possible rejection, have some counter balancing
people or acts of kindness (spa days) ready to keep you on an even keel. (As an
aside: a keel is the longitudinal structure along the centerline at the bottom of a
vessel's hull, on which the rest of the hull is built, in some vessels extended
downward as a blade or ridge to increase stability.) But, also, feel the
rejection. Let it move through you and take you to a new level of understanding
about yourself and the human world we live in and mostly bring you back to
balance.
The truth is about dating, we are very picky about who we
want to spend time with. I don’t want to date someone I’m not interested in
mentally, spiritually, and physically. That isn’t a bad thing. Accepting that
there may only be a couple people out there that really fit your paradigm of
relationship is a good thing. So, when you encounter dates who don’t work out,
you simply chalk it up to bad timing, the wrong energy, or spirit protecting
from a bad relationship.
In short, the Fig is always better than the date. When the
date goes awry and the relationship takes a turn, the Fig is always there. Make
sure you honor and bless and love on your Fig, because he/she is the one person
who is going to be there when the tumult of relationship ultimately leads you
off of your good axis and into the arms of someone on an even keel.
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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