Pardon the Expression! #behaviormodification #relationshipadvice
Why would a person’s behavior to a waitress or salesperson
be so important in relationship? If your friend or mate treats a waiter poorly,
you are sure to know that, eventually, you will be treated with that same bad behavior.
Anyone can curtail poor actions to win over a friend or a new date. Not
everyone can modify behavior in every situation, though. One of the suggestions
I often give to clients and people looking for new friends or relationships is:
Make
sure the perspective person you want in your life treats people around you the
same as he treats you!
A narcissist, for instance, can act as if he or she is
completely wonderful in public, but can treat you terribly when you are by
yourself. Conversely, an avoidantly attached and angry person will try to win
you over with flowers, lavish dinners, and gifts, but might have a difficult
time holding back anger in heavy traffic or around a waitress who is too busy
to attend to his needs. In those times,
you should become keenly aware of how this person acts. Again, when it is
safe to be who she really is on the inside, the monsters come out! Then, you
feel trapped with someone you thought was a saint.
I have been in this situation a few times. My theory held
true in every relationship. I once had a date lie to his mother in front of me
within the first two months of a landslide of great, lavish, and wonderful deeds.
The lie was so blatant, and he did it with such ease that I was amazed. I
questioned him about the lie. He had a good excuse. But, I should have bailed
in that instant. Instead, I spent several years fighting his demons and
wondering if everything he said was a lie.
I, also, had a best friend who acted poorly around my
other dear friends, but was wonderful in every way to me. My other friends
would come up to me and say, “Jane treated me like dirt yesterday at your show.
Why is she such a bitch?” I shook it off, each of the many times I was faced
with that situation. Secretly, though, I believed, I felt special, because my
best friend treated me with such respect and love—different than all others.
As sure as I’m a Democrat, this best friend turned into my
worst friend, when we were faced with a simple disagreement that could have
been fixed with ten words. Instead, she hired a lawyer and got me entangled in
a mess that caused my partner and I great strife.
Trust me on this fact: Carefully watch the behavior of someone whom you want to invite into
your life! Steadfast awareness could mean your business, your relationship, or
your money!
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