When the Past Greets You with a Warm, Familiar Smile

When the Past Greets You with a Warm, Familiar Smile

We’ve all had times in our lives when an old friend calls or visits. You can tell when the friendship was strong, because you feel as if no time had passed. All there is to catch up with is the news from the time you last met.

I’m feeling very fortunate today because my college roommate is coming to Nashville for a visit today. I haven’t seen him in over twenty-five years. During those years he has been married, had four children, divorced, and moved a couple times. Two of his children are in their twenties. When I see pictures of the children on Facebook, they remind me of my old friend and the days we were inseparable. People always thought we were dating because we hung out so much. But the truth was, I felt as if he knew me better than anyone in the world.

When you find a friend that close, it’s as if you are mirrors for each other in good and, sometimes, negative ways. Fortunately, for us, we never fought, which made the next phase of our friendship in the early nineties terribly painful.

After he got married, his wife took to intercepting my phone calls and letters. She even answered the phone a couple times and told me that my friend didn’t want to speak with me. After his divorce, I found him on Facebook. We began to chat almost every night. Finally, I got the courage to ask him what happened during the extended time of no communication.

To my complete surprise, he told me that he had no idea I had called or written all those years. The news about a friend’s dying message to him never reached him. The wife was so jealous of her husband’s attention and afraid of his past, that she took to controlling him and his life.

I went almost eighteen years believing that one of my dearest friends in the world didn’t want to speak to me anymore. I waited in the vast silence with despair and dismay as life took me to places that I wished I could share with him, but couldn’t.

I was angered by his ex-wife’s ploy, as was he. But, fortunately, the pain of the past is over and we have an opportunity to rebuild what really was never broken. So, I wait for dinner tonight with hope and expectation to see my old friend. We had funny things we would say to each other that only we understood. I look forward to greeting him with one of those secret messages. I know I’ll see a bright smile and lots of love on the other end.

I also had a couple friends, a married couple, who moved from New York City to Los Angeles  In that time they had a couple children. These two people were two of the closest friends I had in New York. When they lived in New York, we talked at least twice a day, went to church together, travelled together, supported each other in every aspect of our lives. As you can imagine, when they moved, the amount of contact dwindled, as it often does. However, I was shocked to find out it had been three years since we had spoken, I no longer had their telephone numbers or address, and more importantly, their life now included two small children. Why hadn’t they reached out and told me?

All of that information together made me sad, because I had lost touch. I wondered if the reason they had let our friendship wane was because they were of the ilk of Christianity who believed that homosexuality was a sin. They had confronted me about it a couple times, but I had hoped that because they had family members and many friends who were gay, that this wasn’t the case. However, I let the thought about it fester for a long time, making me resist contacting.

Finally, however, I just began contacting mutual friends until I found their number and address. After which, I visited and felt as if all was well and no space or time had come between us. Their love for me never waned. In fact, as we all grew older, there was a new sense of respect for each other that was refreshing and joyous.

I’m thankful for old friends. I wish I had the moxie to stay in touch more with all of the ones who were very special. Facebook does give me the opportunity to stay connected. I am very grateful for these types of social media for making the world smaller and increasing the ability to reconnect with old friends.

The biggest point here, though, is to never stop believing in an old, loving relationship. You may not be able to contact, write, call, or even visit. Real love, however, doesn’t slip away. Season come and go with relationship. Sometimes we are close and sometimes distant. But true love never wanes.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

When the Past Comes Back to Haunt You

When the Past Comes Back to Haunt You

The only thing in our human lives that isn’t passed down by genes and heredity is our Attachment Style (Avoidant, Anxious, or Confused) exacted from the time of birth to the present by: Each time our mother kissed us, our father left the house, our sister played games with our minds. Our own physical mind was taking careful notes, constructing the framework for our entire future.

So, we wonder why the past comes up at certain times to bite us in the ass. You have no cause to wonder anymore. Your human brain is made of many neuro-pathways that cause mental triggers from small behavioral changes to Post Traumatic Stress whenever certain situations cause one of the pathways to fire at an inappropriate time.

So, the question becomes: How do I deal with a mental impulse that I can’t stop from happening?

As always, I’m going to recount my own situation and help you as I continue to aid myself daily in.

One example for me to keep the cobwebs of my past eradicated from my mind would be to work on the following: My need to be loved—not just by someone—by everyone. I have this innate desire for everyone to approve of my behavior constantly.

When someone who cares about me, tells me I have done something that is the smallest problem and desires for me to change, my gut instinct is to self-flagellate with unkind words to myself. The worst habit, though, is to relive my past and situations that I seem to have failed where relationships are concerned. The past haunts me, sometimes on a daily basis. Is there hope?

For example, I have to drive past an old friend’s house almost every day, and I can’t help but to almost weep because I don’t understand why she abandoned our friendship. A few days ago I was told that she was best buddies now with a guy who literally snubs me in public. I have never had this kind of behavior happen to me before with anyone, especially someone to whom I have no idea what I did to cause anger. I barely knew this individual. Now he’s an old dear friend’s best friend. Yeah!

Okay, that’s the situation. Here is the truth for myself and, hopefully, for you too:

Friends and partners come into our lives to teach us lessons. Sometimes when the lesson is over, Spirit moves that person out of our lives to make room for another lesson and maybe even another, better friend or partner. That has certainly been the case in my life.

When an old thought comes up like the one I mentioned, I try to watch my behavior and see if I can stop the pattern with compassionate self-talk. I say to myself things like, “You are trying to live the most authentic life you know. You can’t have everyone love you. Another person’s feelings are not your responsibility, Bo.”

If that doesn’t work, I try asking someone I know and love to pray with me about it, to get my thoughts into the healing light of Spirit, where they belong. When you keep your depression secret, friends and allies have trouble helping you, because you hide your needs from the most important people in your life—your allies in Spirit. If you open up and share your attachment problems, you are more likely to have the kind of support you need to get over the old thought patterns.

My self-talk includes making an assessment of my present life. I tell myself to look around at my current friends and the huge amount of love that surrounds me daily. I feel so blessed, when I take the time to actually get present and look at what God has attracted to my life in the form of friendships, prosperity, and work I love.

I have so much love in my life, I hardly have time for the friends I have, which makes the current matter even more of a conundrum. Why would I be thinking about old friends who don’t want to be in my life, when I have friends who are seriously better than the old ones, carrying around less baggage, enjoying—with me—being in my life. The best thing about the newer friends is, too, that they don’t see you through the lens of your past. They don’t force you to carry around old, heavy baggage daily.

I had one good friend in the past who would consistently remind me of my shortcomings every time something good would happen in my life. For example, I would be in the middle of a birthday party with a hundred friends celebrating my life, and she would say something that would inevitably push me back down to my old size, which, I guess, was her subconscious desire. She didn’t want me to get too big for my britches, because it may have meant that I wouldn’t have room for her in my larger, more lavish life of love and friendships.

Well, eventually, my life did get too large for her. She snuck out the back door one day by telling a partner that she no longer wanted to be my friend. I think her exact words were, “You and Bo suck!” She never said a word to me after that. She just left my life.

My partner and I loved each other and honored one another enough to work through that person exiting our lives with grace and love. We prayed for her and asked God to show us if we needed to take steps to repair that fence. We both were led to let go.

Another one of my problems in life is to help other people when I should let them fall or fail, if that’s what they have caused in their lives. No one has learned that lesson more than I have, especially in intimate relationships. We can’t be anyone’s all in all. In fact, the more we enable people to be irresponsible and mistreat us, the more we end up with uncaring, codependent partners. Of course, that is not my intention, so I have to let people take care of their own problems. I can be a helper, but not take on the complete responsibility of anyone’s problems.

This should be our mantra for the future: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE ELSE’S PROBLEMS BUT MY OWN. I CHOOSE TO BE AN INDEPENDENT PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS WILLING TO LOVE AND BE COMPASSIONATE, BUT NEVER CHOOSES TO AID IN CODEPENDENCY!

If we live by that concept, we can resist the urges to go back into our past and relive and relive and relive the same situations over and over again, both in our minds and in our current lives. Let’s stop the perpetual flow of the past leaching into our lives by reminding ourselves and each other of our current belief and resist the urge to fall back into detrimental relationship behavior.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

There's Still Some Fight in These Fists

There’s Still Some Fight in These Fists

Every day I wake up wondering if I’m going to feel better or worse. Seriously, with age, the health of our bodies is a gamble. I couldn’t have made more right choices concerning my health growing up: I was a vegetarian or vegan for more than half of my life; I exercised almost the entire time—everything from aerobics and weight lifting to yoga, presently; I have used skin treatments; I have taken vitamins; I have rested when appropriate and really have never overworked; and I take lots of time to laugh and enjoy life and sunshine and flowers in my garden.

Still, when I wake up in the morning, sometimes I can’t make it to the bathroom without terrible, arthritic pain. On a scale of one to ten, most times the pain is in the seven range. Should I thank my father and mother for these genes, or have I actually done something to cause the terrible pain I have about 40% of the time?

In my entire life I have never drunk coffee or have used much caffeine at all. Lately, however, I have taken to drinking three gulps of coffee in the morning with my partner. I don’t drink enough to make me feel frantic or edgy. I don’t consume enough for my stomach to gurgle with that acidy feeling. I simply take two and sometimes three sips. That’s it.

During the next couple hours, instead of developing a slow and steady pace toward movement and comfort, I now have a sense of general wellbeing. Sometimes I used to get severe migraines as the afternoon came upon me. These have even stopped completely. I have gotten off of my prophylactic medication, Topomax, which I took daily to prevent migraines.  Who would have imagined that a small dose of caffeine from morning Joe could help my physical pain and the migraines? Certainly, not me.

As we get older, we certainly do open ourselves up to the idea that we could become wiser. Jesus gave us the advice: “Physician, heal yourself.” I have sincerely taken that scripture to heart.

I try not to believe that I am moving toward stasis of any kind. I want to feel as if I am completely a living, moving, and breathing example of life growing and expanding exponentially with time. I see myself as a man who can recreate himself at any time and at any moment for the current circumstance. I want to believe the best about myself, and so should you.

Consider it pointless to have a negative attitude toward life and existence. Negativity only attracts more negativity, like a magnet. Creating anger, instead of dealing with your hurt, only propagates more turmoil in your life and in the world.

With age, lets all learn the hard lessons of life. Begin to recognize that leaving things to be fixed by others, leaving messes to be cleaned up by others, and not taking care of our own lives is simply creating a tempest of problems that will explode in all of our faces, eventually.

We can count on growing older. We can consider ourselves fortunate, if as we age, we gain wisdom and compassion—both towards ourselves and others. Moving forward in life can be a beautiful passageway to grand understanding and insight if we keep listening for that still small voice within us to lead us to peace and greener pastures.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Are Relationships Supposed to Last Forever?

Are Relationships Supposed to Last Forever?

I have coached many people through divorce and have been through a few of my own. In the doing I have learned much about the word forever. In the spiritual realm we seem to look at biblical scriptures for the man and wife paradigm to see what we look for as far as longevity goes in relationship. I can see that in the days of old, marrying a wife or two, establishing a large home and garden would have been the thing to do to create towns of allies and build prosperity. But for today, I wonder if relationship has to mean forever.

Let me just say that I’m not against the idea of forever. In fact, I would love for a relationship to be secure enough to last through the good and hard times. But as I have noticed in others lives and in my past relationships, there have been many times when my advice has been to walk away.

I’ll share some of the reasons I suggested that it is time to let go:

1.  Martha came to me telling me of a time when her husband was kind and loving. She now says that he ignores her most days, has no interest in intimacy, and seeks to spend time away from her. When approached to see if he wanted to go to counseling, he adamantly says no. His approach to her has been verbally abusive. Her story includes times of leveraging money and support from her as a result of not doing what he tells her. In this case, I would not stay and wouldn’t recommend anyone else to stay. The partner has all but given up. He is just cowardly waiting for the wife to move away.

2. Johnson had been struggling with sexuality for a long time. He has been kind, loving and compassionate to his wife in all ways but intimately. He can’t seem to get aroused to have sex with her. She still loves him and he loves her. They have two children together and want to see both of them have at home parents. My question to both of them is: Can you be satisfied with a relationship with no intimacy, and for how long will that last?

            If the couple is honest, most of the time, they realize that it is not fair to deprive either of them of the closeness of true intimacy. But sometimes they decide that cuddling and a great friendship is enough, especially until the children are old enough to understand the letting go.

            However, if I detect a bit of undisclosed information from the man or woman and get either to admit that she/he has been having sex outside the marriage, I’m definitely going to suggest separation. I do this for a few reasons. I have had a client go away for business and come back with HIV. He would have exposed his entire family to it, had he not come clean with his wife. This goes with any other form of sexually transmitted disease. How fair is it to expose a loving partner to this?

            This guy even went through treatment to get rid of his gay feelings (against my leading) and finally ended up divorcing, not by his choice. He wanted to be with his children. But he wasn’t willing to sacrifice sex and intimacy to do that. And he was dishonest with his partner, which is ultimately defacing the relationship.

3.  Cathy and her partner Sabrina had been together for twenty years. They sleep in the same bed, do everything together, but haven’t had any kind of intimate behavior in ten years. They have no children together. They have pets and a home together. But they also don’t seem to have a lot of closeness. Cathy came to me in despair. She felt abandoned by her partner. They both came in for a couple’s session. Sabrina didn’t feel as if anything was wrong. She wanted to continue in their nonsexual relationship. Cathy, however, wanted to rekindle the past sense of loving touch and kissing. Sabrina wanted to have no part in it. The sexual part of her life, she said, was over. That was fine with Sabrina.

            For Cathy, ten years younger, she was just beginning to feel comfortable as a lesbian and wanted to experience true intimacy and love. How can you deny that to any soul? I asked her to weigh all that she had with Sabrina and see if it was worth leaving to find true love. Ultimately, she left. I didn’t help her make that choice, however, I did support the decision.

4.  Carl and Mary had been together only two years. Whenever they met it was love at first sight. They rushed through the initial stages of getting to know one another and ended up marrying after only three months. When they moved in together, Carl showed signs of narcissism and avoidant behavior. (If you are unfamiliar with these qualities, go to the main index of my blog and do a search.) He became verbally abusive, angry and avoidant where sex was concerned. This happened in a period of six months and seemed to be getting worse. They went to counseling (to a family therapist) and nothing seemed to be getting better. That’s where I came in.

            Mary came to me, first, because she was the one who was unhappy. Carl seemed to be thriving in a place where he moved his wife to a different city, away from her family and friends and her own business, only to leave her abandoned emotionally and physically just to satisfy his own need to have a beautiful wife all to himself. He wanted to have children. Mary denied him of that until things became right in their relationship.

            Normally, I would say that narcissism is incurable, but apparently he was willing take a good hard look at his behavior. He was advised by a therapist to take time away from the relationship and see if he really wanted it. If he did want to pursue the relationship, his therapist told him, Carl was going to have to make some behavior changes. Carl took three months off from his relationship and returned a different person. He has been nice, he listens, and he seems to be on his best behavior. But it has only been three months of living together.

            I have told Mary that she needs to wait at least a year before trusting him not to return to the old behavior. Anyone can stay on his/her best behavior for a short time to get what he or she wants. It’s the long term that you have to be interested in. If he shows signs of being disappointed in the waiting for children and gets angry, it is a sure sign that his narcissism has gone nowhere but behind a big internal partition, waiting to come out like a lion when he doesn’t get his true desire. Trust me, it will be worth the wait for Mary.

As you can see, there are many reasons to leave an established relationship. But the most important reason to stay is true intimacy and a loving bond that can’t be broken by any indifference and challenge in the life of the couple. When I see this kind of secure relationship, I marvel at the stick-to-itiveness and true bond that glues a relationship together for the long haul. If you have security, no amount of lust and desire for outside companionship is worth sacrificing this kind of true love.

There is also some great advice in my book: “Your Gay Friend’s Guide to Understanding Relationship” found at http://www.amazon.com/Your-Gay-Friends-Guide-Understanding/dp/0984125876/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369753381&sr=8-1&keywords=your+gay+friend%27s+guide

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

On the Seventh Day—Rest!

On the Seventh Day—Rest!

In the years of the Rabbinical Law, God had commanded Moses to let the earth go fallow for the seventh year. Whatever vegetation that came up without planting would be enough for the animals and for the populations to be fed that year.

I look at my five gardens and notice that there is now no more room for anything in it. The existing flowers have propagated to the place that I am going to have to go in and take about half of the flowers out and either plant them somewhere else or give them away.

Plants and the earth have a way of providing a self-propelling future. The autumn seeds blow in the wind. I find flowers growing between rocks far from the original flower. It’s fun to look for the unexpected growth. Those are the small gifts from God. But what about the soil?

I know for certain, that if I don’t fertilize or add some sort of nutrition to the soil this next year, my garden is going to begin to diminish instead of propagate. So, what about the law of letting the land rest? What exactly did that mean both physically and metaphorically to the people of the earth?

For me, I have labored for a long time trying and not succeeding most of the time in the gardening of relationship. My vegetation gardens have flourished, but my personal life has gone up and down. I was in a place three months ago where I had decided it was time to take a Sabbath from trying and planting and simply let my heart and mind rest from the toiling about the future of my intimate life.

As a result taking a break, someone absolutely perfect for me came into my life. There was no trying, no toiling, just resting. It was that unexpected flower growing between the rocks that would have gone unnoticed and perhaps tromped on, had I not been foraging for it. Simply, there is a great need in our soul and in our physical body to let go and let God! We must sometimes put away the hoe and the plow of the heart and simply let the will of the universe do its thing—whether that be rest or producing wild growth from something we had sown a long time ago.

Take some time to breathe into the present. Discover that maybe what you need today and these coming months is a break from the toiling. If you do, just put down your plow and begin to observe your life. Watch the blessings flow without your trying.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Many Blessings, Many Trials

Many Blessings, Many Trials

Sometimes I wonder if blessings don’t always come on the heels of a tremendous trial. This makes me somewhat less sad when something comes into my life to tempt me or try my patience. I know, eventually, I’ll learn a big lesson and get on with my wonderful life, having learned a beautiful, spiritual lesson.

When I look at all that I have buried in the course of my life, I have enough past to fill three cemeteries. Going back to the grave site over and over again, year after year, only makes me meander through headstones of what ifs and why thats.

I had a friend who went to a celebration/fundraiser today to make money to help a cemetery stay clean, decorated with flowers, and keep the headstones from being rife with bird droppings. How ridiculous all that sounded to me. “You are going to what? To do what?” I’m more inclined to listen to Jesus’s words, “Let the dead bury the dead.”

I don’t want to be buried. I don’t want to be viewed and embalmed. I want to be cremated and tossed somewhere beautiful so my physical body finds a home back in the earth from whence it came. My spirit, I’m sure will be long gone and in the arms of loving angels, reunited with loved ones who passed, and with God by the time all those gather who loved me.

How can we commemorate the dead without having to go through all of this grieving and sitting over an embalmed body that barely looks like the person it once housed? I understand the traditions of reliving happy memories in the form of funerals and eulogies, and how for some it honors the past memories of the loved one’s life. But for me, I’d be satisfied having a celebration with pictures and videos of that friend or family member. Gather together all the people who shared memories of that person and converse about how he/she changed your life. This would be the best way to honor me, I believe. Premortem, I imagine a celebration of my life, not a river of tears mourning my departure.

I do understand, though, how tears accompany death, because we don’t quite understand how to live our current lives without the departed. I get that. I have cried often at a death. But tears are not what got me through the passing of a loved-one’s life.

How I deal with death is that I imagine the spirit of my loved one turning into an angel who now has the perfect paradigm to guide and watch over my life. They have lived with and watched my life in human form. Now, as a spirit, it is much easier to understand the predicaments of my life and can guide me into paths of prosperity and truth and wisdom.  

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Win Back What You Lost

Win Back What You Lost

I had a woman friend who had lost everything—her business, her marriage, got kicked out of her church, lost some dear friends, and lost so much vital energy to live—to be the authentic woman she was intended to be. She had been lying to the world, her church, her friends, her family, and parents about her lifestyle. And as a result of coming clean to them, she had had to sacrifice most of her old life. Even people who loved her dearly, dismissed her because of being gay.

Does that mean that she should want her old life back? Or was everything in her life conspiring to put away the past and begin anew with everything fresh and real?

I am very compassionate to this situation. I don’t, for a moment, believe this is a laughing matter or even a matter to discuss without permission. However, when someone like me and this woman friend are denied access to our lives as a result of being exactly who we were created to be, it becomes a matter of standing up and being counted—looking down at the gun barrel courageously and asking the pertinent questions to an unforgiving world.

The woman was kicked out of her church after a woman co-pastor had taken her on retreat and come on to her sexually. After my friend denied the pastor, she was brought before the board and kicked out for being gay. No one on the board believed her claims. She simply stepped out of the spot light and into a dramatic funk!

Incidences like this happen all the time. Married men who step out on their wives with other men in private, often come down the hardest on gay men and women. Remember what happened when Jimmy Swaggart preached so harshly about sexual sin, and he was the one hiring prostitutes?

People who are downtrodden because of race and sexuality have to make a public display of self-righteous immorality to make a stand to regain their power. However, showing that bias exists, doesn’t bring back your God-given desire and will to live. The will to live, my friend, must come with loving yourself for exactly who you are. Also, you must accept yourself in this moment, right now, for the person you are authentically.

I have journals of self-flagellating letters written to myself for my perceived sin to humanity and God. I can write volumes on how hard it is to love yourself when you believe that God hates you for living a life against His will. I also, can’t tell you how many times in my prayers and meditations during that time, I heard a still small voice beg me to release from condemning myself. I heard God say over and over again that I was made of love and was loving—that there was no judgment coming from the heavens—only the people on earth.

I just never believed what I was hearing was coming from God. Because I believed the words of preachers and bible-thumpers wholeheartedly, I wouldn’t even listen to the voice of God comforting my hurt and hardened soul.

We can’t undo what has happened to us in the past for our self-denial or distrust of those who loved us with stipulations, but we can take steps now to reach deep into our hearts and live the most authentic life we can muster. Then, it is up to the world to accept or reject us. We have no power over hypocrisy. We can only continue to show up unabashed and unashamed for whom we are.

I just assume that if I’m rejected by a friend or family member, that this is just one way that God tells me I’m in the wrong place, hanging with the wrong person. Trust me, I tell there are plenty of loving and accepting people in this world. If you look hard enough, you will find them ready and willing to love you for exactly the person you are.

Keep your head up. I know God love you as much and more than I do—no matter what your situation.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Between Two Worlds

Between Two Worlds

One of side of your life is day-to-day clutter—messes to clean up in your job, in relationships, and with your family members. On the other side of the world is the antithesis—peace, perfect love, and the path to undeniable joy. As a spiritual seeker, sometimes we sit on the wall between both worlds and straddle our legs until they are about to snap. Which will we choose today to satisfy our hearts?

I often thought that there would somehow be a place between the two worlds on which I could balance—tipping to one side when it accommodated my life and then slipping into the ephemeral when my ego rose up with imperfect needs and anxious attachment.

The truth: there is no middle ground. There is no trying to be one place and not succeeding as we follow our blithe, ego ways. Being in the now consistently and powerfully takes all of my will and more. I remain awake and aware of my surroundings, those I touch, and where I’m being led to go every waking moment until I fall asleep. Even then, as I rest, Spirit inspires me with wisdom and fortitude for the upcoming days and events.

When we straddle both the spiritual and the ego world, I believe one side will always win out. Unfortunately, the side that wins out is what the bible would consider the Lord of your life. Do we really want to be controlled by our ego desires day in and day out?

I often have smokers come into my sessions admitting that they truly want to quit smoking. The main reason why is often because they feel that smoking controls the places they go, the people they hang out with, and the amount of money they spend. It’s true!

If you are a smoker, you have committed to many things you may not have intended to:  You have to take breaks when others are working; you have to go outside to assuage your cravings; and you have to pay over five dollars each time you smoke twenty cigarettes. You have to hang out with people who don’t mind smoke. You have to brush your teeth more. You have to wash your clothes more. You have to clean out your car and ashtrays more.

That’s a big commitment for a friend whose ultimate goal is to give you cancer and kill you.

I believe the same goes with overeating. No one likes to be told he/she is overweight. You see it every time you look in the mirror. I recently gained over half of that weight I lost in February, mostly because I bought a bread and pasta machine, have a boyfriend who likes to buy me treats, and because I simply don’t know when to stop eating. If I truly wanted to lose the weight, I would have to commit to doing life differently—eating differently, exercising more, and stop eating too many sweets and treats.

I’m dangling between two worlds. I want health, but I also want to appease that part of my brain that likes the crack cocaine urge of Orville Redenbacher’s PoppyCock with caramel nut clusters! Damn, once I open a bag of PoppyCock, I can’t stop eating it. Well, what would be the answer to that problem?

Stop straddling the fence of dieting, Bo. Commit to no sugar, healthy eating, and consistent exercise. But no… I believe I can find a happy medium, a good balance between the two.

For me, there is no good balance when it comes to sugar. If I eat a little, I’m going to eat a lot. If I eat carbs, I’m going to want more and more until I’ve overeaten and am miserable. No amount of consistent exercise will get that tummy fat off, when I don’t listen to reason. I know this every time I teach a yoga class, because my new YMCA yoga shirt is a bit small. Each time I raise my arms in class, my potbelly pops out and reminds me that I have not been true to myself. It also reminds me to use my core muscles. But who cares if you have core muscles, if you can’t see them, right?

Ultimately, we must choose between the worlds we want to live in. If you choose spirit, that doesn’t mean that there won’t be times of acquiescing to our ego. But that is not necessarily unspiritual. Part of being spiritual is knowing when you have a true and authentic physical need. It’s like the difference between having a healthy sex life and having to have sex twice a day to fulfill your urges. The first way is definitely part of a healthy human existence, the other way is pulling you toward a place you will never satisfy and will ultimately hurt you and the person you are in relationship with.

Define your life by making a solid choice! Decide to be led by your highest and best choices. Know that your body is a part of the perfect trio of mind, body and spirit that deserves its equal say, but shouldn’t be treated like a spoiled child just to stop the ranting.

Be an adult in your choosing. Seek life and live it more abundantly WITH spirit. God wants you to have all that you desire, but a perfect balance between mind, body and spirit is the ultimate goal.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.