Relationship Should Be a Slow Tango, Not a Flash Dance!

Relationship Should Be a Slow Tango, Not a Flash Dance!

I had a great friend share with me the above title as she described a letter a gentleman wrote to her concerning “intimacy” when there had not even been an invitation to dance. We laughed, but I asked if she wouldn’t mind if I wrote about it.

Now, I have to say that I am a person who has fallen in love slowly and quickly. I have been on both sides of the coin. I know the difference between knowing someone slowly and falling in love and meeting someone who feels destined to be a part of your life, so much so that he sweeps you off of your feet without you realizing you have been asked out. Both kinds of love are real. Both are viable.

My first really strong 8-year relationship started out with a prayer before I left for the dance bar: I asked God to send me a manly man.

Soon after I arrived at the bar, my friend, Drew, said to me, “That guy is really cruising you.”

I replied, “Ah, he can wait. I’m way more interested in talking to you.”

Later that night, I ran into Michael and we introduced ourselves. He told me his name was Michael “MANLY.” At that point, I thought, my “manly” man had arrived from God. Two weeks later we were falling deeply in love. We didn’t have a disagreement for an entire year. We both felt as if we were divinely meant for each other.

Of course, sometimes love doesn’t last for the long haul. We had, for the most part, seven years of real, true intimacy. Most people in our lives considered us to be the perfect couple. But sometimes, perfection is meant to be tested. We were young and didn’t withstand the test, unfortunately.

I have also been on a long and arduous walk with someone toward love who was more like a friend. I chose to be with someone because I wanted to make a commitment to knowing and dating him. This was a completely different experience. There was no drive toward anything. Commitment and love came very slowly. This kind of love didn’t seem to last as long for me. I always felt that the friendship grew, but the intimacy didn’t.

I guess, for me, a truly compatible relationship has to start with a spark of interest that goes deeper than the skin or the mind. Once that spark is initiated, it is a matter of two people being compatible and adding fuel to the fire with respect, a mutual desire to spend time together, and lots of wonderful intimacy. That is why we date. We must see if we can stand to be in the same house with our date for more than twenty-four hours at a time. We must see if we are compatible with his friends, with his family, with his sleeping and eating habits.

Sometimes what breaks up a relationship is something as simple as a difference in religion or politics. You would think two people could love each other without those preferences being mutual, but life becomes difficult when people see something completely different through spiritual or political binoculars.

I know, for me, I have to have someone in relationship who is, at least, on the same page as I am spiritually and politically for anything deep to happen. This reason is because I operate from a deeply spiritual place in my heart most times. If someone doesn’t get me, it would be because they don’t understand who I am spiritually. I think that politics becomes an arm of that same belief.

Nonetheless, the title of this blog actually mean to me something way different than it appears. The slow tango is more about giving time organically for the relationship to grow from an authentic spark, not necessarily slowing down the pace of how quickly you fall for one another. The feelings of love are never something you can control. If you try, you mess up something that is more magical than spring blooming from winter.

Slow and steady wins the race. Absolutely. But let the steady dance be the pounding of your hearts as one, relating, involved, and pressing forward into life, not standing on the sidelines waiting for love to happen. We are complete participants in life. It can’t happen without our consent. Define what you want in relationship and in life, and let God and synchronicity play the rest out organically.

It’s the big commitments, such as marriage and living together that need about a year before you jump in.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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