THE INNER BRAT: an unbalanced ego #egobalancing #spirituality #spiritualadvice #healthyego

If you have been following the last few blogs, I have been writing about the Ego. We have decided that the ego can be either healthy or unhealthy, balanced or imbalanced. One sign of an unhealthy ego is what the author and speaker, Christian de la Huerta calls “the inner brat.” I have called it in my writing the “inner child who always gets its way.”

You can recognize this part of your ego or in another person quite easily because it appears like the scenario below:

Child: “Mommy, mommy, I want this toy. Please mommy!”

Mother: “You have enough toys. Play with the ones you have already!”

Child: Begins to whimper. “But I want Thomas the Train.”

Mother: “Sorry, not today.” She speaks quietly because they are in Macys.

Child: Crying now. Sits in the middle of the department store floor and won’t budge.

Mother: Tries to get the child to come with her, nicely.

Child: Resists. Begins to rant. “I want Thomas the train now! I want Thomas the train! Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!”

Mother: Now embarrassed because the child is acting out in a large crowd, takes the toy from the shelf and shoves it in the child’s hand.

Child: Immediately stops crying and smirks…

When a child consistently gets what he or she wants, that child learns to control people by bad behavior. The parent loses control. Every in the room becomes controlled by this bad behavior.

That same child can exist in all of us. For those of us who have not dealt with that imbalance in our lives, we may still have that “inner brat” that won’t accept no for an answer from anyone. When we accept this imbalance as this is just me and I can’t help it, then we admit we have no control over ourselves. We may have learned to control others. But, what is more important: self-control, or the ability to manipulate others?

If you experience this feeling about to erupt, you can do yourself a big favor by stepping back from the situation and asking yourself a few probing questions:

1. What am I missing here?
2. Is there a delicate lesson to be learned by me not getting what I want?
3. What will I be if I let go of this feeling?

Of course, you cannot get to this problem if your pulse is pounding out of your chest and your face is flushed. Before you ask the questions, you must take consistent breaths, with your inhales and exhales equal in length and longer than normal. This, of course, will lower your blood pressure and move your body toward a calmer state, so that you can adjust your mental state to more of an observer than one who is actively in the problem and unable to solve anything.

The “inner brat” can be a challenging imbalance, especially if you have allowed it to exist in your for a long time. When I child gets what he or she wants, it only satisfies that current need. Begin to realize that getting what you want right now, in this moment, may be satisfying, but it never challenges you to become a better, more balanced person. The child never learns his lesson that not everything in life is meant for us at any given moment.

Ask yourself this important question: Do you want to appear to your friends and family as that child in Macy’s? If you don’t, begin the process of letting go of the need to control everyone and get everything you desire in the moment you desire it.

Life comes to all of us as we accept the present as the perfect moment, in the perfect time, as peace and love.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in April  or May of 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

EGO: uNbAlAnCeD or Balanced #egobalancing #spirituality #spiritualadvice #healthyego

I was once engaged to a woman. Yes, it’s true. She is a lovely lady who has gone on to become a prominent psychologist (probably from all of the growth she went through trying to marry me!). I tell you this story, because we were in counseling together to try to figure out our issues before the big day, when the psychologist replied to my fiancée with these words: “I don’t think Bo is demanding. I think he just has a healthy ego!”

I will never forget the look on my fiancée’s face. I think she wanted to punch the counselor. Nonetheless, it has been many years since that day, and I am still trying to find the answers for attaining a balanced and healthy ego.

First, in my world of spirituality without borders, the word Ego has come to be a negative word that usually means that part of our humanness that tends to get in the way of our spirituality. It is the illusion of individuality that creates the torment in our souls. At least, this is how it has been described to me over the past 20 years or so in metaphysics.

However, my eyes were wide open a few days ago when the editor of my new book—Your New Story, Your New Life—said to me: “Why do you keep saying the Ego is bad?” (ps. the book will be out soon. You’ll know it’s out when you hear the cries of a man giving birth!)

To that, I looked up the definition of ego in the dictionary. To my wonder I saw: a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance.

I realized, in that moment, that I had been imposing a spiritual definition on this word without even knowing it. So, I’ve gone back into my book and rearranged the word with two separate words: balanced and unbalanced ego.

Balanced Ego

When our spirits are given a human body in birth, immediately our experience is one of individuality. We are like snowflakes. No one has the same DNA or fingerprints. We are born with, develop unique talents, and are drawn to specific food, hobbies, and people. Absolutely no one understands why each individual does so with such immediacy and direction. None of these attributes are negative. They may be in our DNA. They may be instinctual. They may be inherited. In fact, in developing our egos, we seek to hone these special features to become the most authentic people we can be. Also, as co-creators on earth, our ego minds are the actual consciousness that turns dreams into reality. We are, indeed, powerful egos.

Unbalanced Ego

As we took form and developed individuality, perhaps, we had people in our past who shaped our ideas of the Ego by imposing their beliefs and structure on our infant minds. This could be true with abuse, sexual misconduct, harsh living situations, and many other contributing factors to the young mind. The fact is, though, the ego can be shaped and formed to evolve into something other than wonderful. It can become a Hitler or a terrorist.

If one of your parents was a narcissist, your ego may have become unbalanced by being the co-narcissist in the relationship. This wasn’t your fault. You simply had to survive. If you were abused, you protected yourself in whatever way you could. If this happened, again, not your fault. However, in the process, the ego becomes unbalanced, unhealthy. It does so by superimposing the past events on the present moment. In other words, when you have a great evening with a friend, you may still feel empty and sad inside because of an unhealthy ego. In the worst case scenarios, egos move toward more and more unhealthy behavior and very likely seek to destruct.

The goal, however, is to balance the unhealthy parts of the ego by finding that observer self, I so often talk about. To get healthy, to find definition, to understand yourself and your reactions, you have to have a place where you can step apart from the situation and observe yourself without judgment. In so doing, we begin to find our triggers, those places that push us to negative behavior. When we find these triggers, we must also acquire help to unhook from them. This may take finding a therapist, a life coach, going to hypnosis, or finding a modality like breath work or yoga to inhibit the negative behavior.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in March or April 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

I Can Trump That! #Christmas #DonaldTrump #tistheseason #SpiritualLiving

Yesterday’s initial story for World News Tonight was about the Donald’s poll numbers. Could the nation and the media get more off track? What if…

What if Donald Trump isn’t such a fool? What if he is purposely doing his arrogant dance to get the Republican party to quit being so self-righteous? What if he is purposely being arrogant to divide the party so that Hillary Clinton is sure to win? If he is smart as he thinks he is, surely he realizes that this possibility may exist. I’m just saying…

I heard yesterday, amidst the throngs of bad news—that the celebration of the Jewish holidays has begun and Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ within us is also about to arrive. Can a few angry people in the world actually stop the billions of good people from feeling the presence of love during this holiday time? I think we might just be letting these evil ISIS creatures do just that.

Yesterday, my sister and I were talking about this year’s holiday celebration. We both agreed that neither of us was in the moment with any kind of joy. We were going through the motions without much cheer. After which, I decided to put up the tree and forget about war, ISIS, Donald Trump, and political rhetoric for two weeks… maybe forever. I am not saying that I am giving up on the world. I am merely releasing myself from the negativity that is THE NEWS!

Let’s face it: we cannot change what happens around us. We can only deal with the peace within our own hearts. If this season is to be about peace and joy and love, then it must start within each of us.

I was looking in the wrong direction for the spirit of this season. When I finally looked inside, I saw that I truly wanted to celebrate the birth of the Christ Spirit in everyone in the world. Not just this season, for all times.

God in us is the hope of Glory. God is not just in some of us, but in all things and people. Let this be the news we shout from the mountaintop!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

What? Leave You? 6 Ways to Leave an Unhealthy Relationship #divorce #relationshipadvice #breakups #whatstrending

Stephen Sondheim wrote a song called “Could I Leave You?” that is from the musical Follies. A woman kept by a rich husband in an unhealthy relationship, sang the song. She patters sarcastically, “Leave you, leave you, how could I leave you? What would I do on my own? Putting thought of you aside in the south of France. Would I think of suicide? Darling, shall we dance? Could I live through the pain on a terrace in Spain, would it pass? It would pass!” (You get the picture?)

So, you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, and you want out. You’ve been thinking about your liberation for years, but the thought of giving up all that you have and starting over keeps you from your true desire to find authenticity and real love. So, what do you do to take that large hurdle into the unknown?

1. Make a list. On side, put all the items, including emotional ones that you would truly miss. On the other side, put all of the things you need to get rid of, including emotional baggage. Make the list long and painfully articulate, because you will use this list every time you second-guess yourself during the hard break-up process. On this list, you must include actions and in appropriate behavior you saw in the beginning, which worsened during the relationship, but dismissed. This is important, because you don’t want to make the same mistakes again… Usually, someone in this position is dealing with a partner who wanted you to be dependent so s/he could manipulate you. This is, by definition narcissism. Read all you can about narcissistic and co-narcissistic behavior, because you have become a co-narcissist, if this is the case.
2. Get a counselor of some kind or a life coach to keep you on track with your move and the challenge of separation. You will find solace in the fact that someone else’s suggestions and thoughts about what you need to do and how you do it are EXACTLY on point. In fact, you’ll depend on this counsel, sometimes, which is perfectly okay.
3. Begin to get healthy spiritually and mentally. Of course, getting a counselor is one way to start the process, but, also, take classes in spiritually to begin the challenge and practice of getting to know a higher, better you. Remember, somewhere along the line you lost that person you once knew as happy. Even if your relationship started out with true love, somewhere you took a u-turn. Having a spiritual base and even a spiritual home will also support your strong decision to move on. You will need all of those new relationships to hold you, support you, and keep you standing during the inevitable painful times of divorce.
4. Make a careful plan of everything you need to do in the breakup, including getting legal advice. Actually, you might even start here. Who knows, if you’re thinking of divorce, it’s quite possible your partner has, too. Begin looking for alternative places to live, stay, and move. Have a financial plan in place. Most people, especially women supported by rich husbands, are more frightened of their financial ruin than they are of anything else during a divorce. So, hiring the best legal council is on the top of your list. You won’t be sorry. You might even begin taking classes to start the new career you’ve been wanting to have for so long.
5. Though all of this seems cold and calculated, we get nothing in life unless you first make a plan and can see it clearly. Divorce or leaving a long-standing relationship is no different than creating something new in Divine Mind. This new move is also a seed you plant in Divine Consciousness and water and tend to, just as you would a dream. See your new life—free of the pain—in your meditation and prayers, everyday. Don’t miss one day! You will need a clear picture of your new life without your partner.
6. Make a plan to stay OUT of intimate relationships for at least a year, while you get your life and your mind healthy again. Some therapy suggests that you will spend exactly 1/2 of the time you were in the relationship, getting over it. Let’s try not to take that long, by doing all this good work ahead of time. But, you will, of course, need to take time to grieve, even if you’re the one leaving. So, as you can see, the worst thing someone can do while leaving one bad relationship is to leverage a new intimate relationship. This is only an attempt to buffer pain and not look at what you really want—authenticity and spiritual growth. First relationships after a divorce usually end in disaster and cause more problems than you intended. Don’t bring someone else into your smelly relationship. Clean it up, first; clean yourself up, first, then move on with grace.

Today's featured book is one of my novels, “The Leaving Cellar.” It's a book about waiting too long to take what you deserve from life. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Who Cares About Your Opinion? #voicingopinions #judgment #psychology

Who hasn’t been at a party, where in one corner of the room a loud and argumentative person spews his or her opinion about every governmental or religious problem in the world? I know I have been at that party. I hate hearing anyone prattle on about everything that s/he feels near and dear to his heart and wish everyone else in the world would believe.

The issue is: who’s mind can anyone change with his opinion and where is it appropriate to give yours? Opinions laced with rancor and loud, unfettered beliefs tend to fall on deaf ears. Or worse yet, they tend to be used against the very person the opinion was meant to defy. Check out Facebook and look at all the ways negative opinions have made the speaker look like a blubbering idiot.

I tend to keep my opinions to myself, unless I’m asked. Even then, I assess the room, make sure I’m not being set up to look like a fool, and then carefully share my thoughts with the words, “I believe” or “it falls within my purview to think that…”

However, when I really want to share a thought or an opinion, I give myself an audience where I am the speaker or facilitator. I, then, invite people who would be interested in discussing this point of view. Places like the Internet group, Meetup.com, provides you with built in audiences who actually look for you to share a certain opinion. This is how I began my group: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warriors, based on a book I wrote about the subject. The group has 130 followers in only four months. Each month, we discuss some ideas that are pertinent to the subject. No one comes to the meeting without desiring to be there.

I believe to capture a person’s attention to the point where you can change his or her mind, you must allow the person to be listening to you by his own free will. Any time I have learned something new or changed my own opinion, it has usually been at a workshop or in a place where I went to listen to a speaker or even a therapist. My mind was already in a place for change. So, I was in the mood to open my heart and allow another person’s opinion to stretch my own thought parameters.

A party is not the place to voice your opinion, unless you enjoy being ostracized. In the hall waiting for a Broadway show to start isn’t the place, unless you enjoy being escorted out of the theater by a policeman. Around the dinner table is not the place to voice your opinion, unless you enjoy stuffing your narcissism down your children’s throats. By someone’s desk at work is not the place unless you feel unemployment is a good choice for you.

Do give your opinion where it counts! Choose a place where you have invited someone to hear your thoughts and give the person the chance to leave if he or she is not comfortable with what you say! Always, I mean always, do this in a calm way using the words, “It’s is my opinion that…”

Thanks for listening.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

My Mind Is Made Up: Don’t Confuse Me with the Facts #liberal #conservative #independentthinkers #change #narcissism

I know of an old curmudgeon who will say in response to something interesting and different: “My mind is made up. Don’t confuse me with the facts.” I believe he is half-joking, but a modicum of truth exists here, for him, and for all of us. Unfortunately, for much of the world, the facts are muddled. We listen to a speech from a politician. The next half hour a fact-checking newscast airs. I’m happy about these political fact-finders, because, God knows, I would never go through an entire speech and decide if Al Gore really did invent the Internet. I’m liable to believe one side of the congressional and political arena, and scoff at the other. I don’t bother gathering the facts, because my mind is already made up, especially during an election.

I’m a card-carrying Democrat, left-winged man, burgeoning quicker the more radical the right wing gets about profiling the anti-gay agenda. A lovely doctor friend of mine said it best: most right-winged people will swear they believe in Jesus and tote their bible with one hand and in the other hand carry a machine gun to battle anyone who believes in gun control.

I realized one very important thing, when arguing or complaining about political agendas: both sides, very much, don’t want to be confused with the facts. We all would rather just have two candidates with no agendas and no hateful television commercials, and choose one because of what side of the political arena he/she stands. This is very apparent in the “undecided” voters near the day of the election. Are these people not registered as Republican or Democrat? Perhaps, this makes all the difference in being rational. If you’re not decided when you listen, then you actually give both people a chance to win you over. If we didn’t go into a political race or into a conversation, having already placed ourselves on one side or the other, and simply call ourselves Independent Thinkers, we might have a chance to grow past our own prejudices. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone without four of my own fingers pointing directly at me.

I had a conversation recently with an old friend. During the dialogue, she shared with me her beliefs about gay people being sinners. Without hesitation—without allowing her the freedom of an opinion—I shut her down like a robber tying someone’s hand behind his back and taping her mouth shut. I told her, our friendship was over and that I had no desire to swim to her side of the ocean to be her friend.

Call it what you will, but I have prejudice for people who consider themselves loving, but sentence you to Dante’s burning fires of hell at the same time. Excuse me, I am already in the arms of God. I don’t need your help to love or honor myself. I have done the hating game. This kind of impetuous thinking only places people in chronic depression and causes suicide. Perhaps, that is what this kind of narrow-mindedness wants—mass genocide of the gays. What would the right wing fight about, but gun control. So, if I’m not willing to allow someone else a religious opinion, what does that make me? You’re right—narrow-minded.

Listen, we all have reasons for our beliefs. I get that. My belief about being judged comes from a long line of hatefulness that always ends with a fight about what another person believes about God or Christianity or Muslimism. I don’t want to fight, anymore. But, I will always keep careful and steadfast boundaries around myself for people who will continue to judge who I am—not by my actions, but by my sexuality. I don’t have any more precious time to keep people such as this in my life. And, neither do you. We have a right to bear the armor that protects us from hatefulness.

The truth about any political or religious debate is actually what our friend said at the beginning: we don’t have time for the facts, because our minds are already made up!

***

If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

This book helps the disenfranchised from religion decide for him- or herself exactly what to believe, with daily lessons that help your search for your soul's true, authentic path. I know you will enjoy this unbiased take on finding spiritual, psychological and physical insight.

Buy Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior Here! 

Married to the Law #effectivechange #trashingoldbeliefs #narcissism #conarcissim

Have you ever known a person who simply will not divert from a proposed set of laws he or she has made in his/her mind—probably put their by religion, society, or, mostly likely, their own sense of self-hate? Usually, these same people are apt to judge everyone else around them for not following the laws they have superimposed upon themselves. How do you get out of this negative, judgmental and prejudiced paradigm, should you discover that another has set you on this path?

Sharon had a mother who was a narcissist. Her mother never allowed Sharon an opinion in life. Once, when Sharon was a child, her mother let her pick out her own Christmas dress. Sharon picked out the prettiest, pink, flowery dress she could find, of course. This dress didn’t look a bit Christmas-like. As a result, when Sharon went to church in this beautiful dress, all proud and feeling beautiful, her mother said to almost everyone she met that morning, “I let my daughter pick out her own awful dress. This is what happens when you let an eight year old make her own decisions!”

Sharon admits, that from that point on, to gain her mother’s approval, she followed every rule that her mother doled out, including with it her mother’s views about politics, prejudices, and social protocol. This is called becoming a Co-narcissist. To have a narcissist, you must also have someone who allows the behavior to exist. Without realizing it, Sharon propagated, as an adult who barely even liked her mother, some of those same beliefs. Sharon asked me, “How do I get rid of these old believes from this hateful woman, who had long since passed away?”

Just recognizing that her beliefs were wrong for her was the first good choice Sharon had made. She, then, had to become the observer of her own mind and thoughts and, literally, cast down ideas that no longer served her. An example: Sharon’s first impulse when she sees a woman at the mall wearing white shoes and a brown belt is to think, oh my Lord, has that woman got any sense at all. Doesn’t she know her belt is supposed to match her shoes? And it’s summer. In the South, we don’t wear white after Labor Day!”

Sharon must first feel her mother’s superimposed thought and see that it is not her own. It was simply programmed into her mind. Sharon says to herself, “I don’t know if this woman is too poor or has ever been taught southern manners. It is not up to me to judge her with my beliefs. I don’t know this woman or her circumstances in life. Maybe she doesn’t have the money to buy something different.” So, feeling her truth and using her deductive mind to reason with the negative belief, is the first way to change an old pattern.

Second, she could use an EFT technique (Emotional Freedom Technique) that helps incorporate new belief into the body’s mainframe computer. The technique involves tapping a specific part of your body while you state your new outlook on life—out loud. Since this is a heart matter, I would suggest, as you repeat your new truth, tap your chest with your fingertips. This is also a Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique that changes neural pathways in your mind as they are triggered.

The last thing to do is to thank yourself for your new outlook. We often forget that underneath our grown-up appearance, a small child exists inside of all of us, who needs our parental advice now and again. This child also desperately could use the encouragement that you never received from your own parent. So, it’s a good thing to reward your self for great, new behavior. To this day, when I set out to do any goal, I always add to my goal a reward, so that I know accomplishment has a golden pot at the end of its path. What a wonderful way to say thank you to yourself and to Spirit for a change you know will take time and much diligence.

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If you enjoyed what you read, please LIKE my blog or email it to a friend, so that we can spread the good news of “Finding Authentic You!”

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

This book is about loving yourself, no matter what your childhood looked like. You are a beautiful creation, worthy of good things, as Billy Ray eventually realizes, after his preacher father is imprisoned for killing his mother's boyfriend, the county's high school football star quarterback!

In the Arms of True Love: What Does That Mean? #relationship #relationshipadvice #securelyattached

Most people, even under their armor of defenses, really desire to have securely attached relationships. After many intimate talks with thousands of friends and clients, I see, clearly, that the majority of us desire to find that one true love and rest in his/her arms for the rest of our lives. Even the people who philander with others during relationship, usually continue on with the stable relationship to manifest security in some way, while they satisfy sexual desire. So, it’s safe to say that our bodies and minds are wired in the mainframe of our neural pathways to have a loving face look on us, like Mom did when we were babies, and tell us she loves us unconditionally.

The problem in life is that most relationships start out with security, but end up being dynamically contentious. Why is that so? The two reasons are a.) that the closer we get to people, the more intimate we become, the more dependent they feel upon our love, and feeling emotionally naked scares people; and b.) closeness causes people to get too familiar and often changes the level of respect between two people relating. (This truth can be about friendship or intimate relationships.)

Let’s look at the first cause. If intimacy is causing you to be scared, then you haven’t established a secure relationship. If intimacy, by definition, is causing one of the partners to move further away, then you have the dynamic of anxious/avoidant attachment in relationship, not security. Intimacy should draw two people together and keep them there. This is the reason why “transparency” in intimate relationships is the one factor that should keep intimacy alive. If we move away from speaking our truths, then our partners never know our real feelings. But, if we speak our truth, for example: “I feel, by telling you how much I love you, that you will go away and leave me for someone else. I understand that this may be coming from a past relationship, but I need your help to control those bad feelings. Will you help me?”

Above is an example of a loving, secure question, from, perhaps, a person who is trying to get over past anxiousness. The answer to whether or not she has a secure relationship is in the response of the partner. If the partner walks away, then she has an avoidant person involved. But, if in her fear, her partner takes her in the arms of love and embraces her, speaking softly, “You don’t have to worry about me leaving. I truly love you. And I’m sorry that you have had so many jerks in your past. But, I am not any those people,” then you have found true, secure relationship.

The second issue is about familiarity. A partner with a narcissistic tendency will use the information you have shared intimately as artillery during a fight. This is in no way fair fighting or secure behavior in relationship, and should be considered grounds for separating far from the abuser. You will know immediately, if someone you love can’t handle honest, secure relating, if this person chooses to use information discovered in closeness to get what he or she wants from relationship.

This is simply the best reason to cut your losses and start over. Some couples have found resolve in therapy, but most realize that no one, not even a great therapist or psychologist can’t change someone who bares the diagnosis of narcissistic. The truth is in a joke that therapists say to each other: “If, after a session, you feel as if you are the crazy one, the session must have been with a narcissist!”

The two books above are two of my favorite books to help people find resolve in their lives, while seeking spiritual truth! Help yourself to a serving of pure love and begin to read one of the above and begin your personal journey toward success!

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[Chosen to show his new hypno-therapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and Given the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian, the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior, helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Challenge yourself with one of his 13 books, healing CDs (weight loss, meditation, smoke cessation and more) or his Yoga DVD on Amazon or Amazon/Kindle: Go to Amazon Here!]