Easter: Big Benefits with “Little” Passed #relationships #relationshipadvice #datingadvice

Relationship at any age is about give and take, isn’t it? How many people have you dated, kissed, casually had sex with, or even married who actually brought benefits into your life without dragging you into the “have-to’s” and “you’ve earned it’s?” Is it possible to derive human benefits from any relationship without the little, tiny “but-if’s?”

If you are in your twenties, you probably just blow off the guilt plays and move on to your next conquest. But, when you pass thirty-five or forty something happens to your mind that keeps considering this one looming question: What if this is the best I can do?

I’m not sure, but I think I’ve done more compromising than relating my entire life in both friendships, familial-, and intimate relationships. I’m ready to relate, to have fun, and bask in a little bliss without having to stop to cry a little about spilled milk. Honestly, I wish I had some of the bitch I had back when I was in my twenties. I knew I would find the perfect match, then. I didn’t worry about age and time ending before I had the chance to marry my soul mate. I’m not even sure I believe in soul mates anymore. I mean how can I be yours and you be mine, if we don’t even know each other? Right? How can any one person know another?

Once, I imagined that, at fifty, I would meet a guy who would take me back to my teens and give me back those amazing, tingling feelings that only happen when someone is too naïve to care what happens next. I actually thought I would be swept away just one last time. This time, though, the feelings would last forever. But, who believes in forever, anymore?

I’m not the kind of guy who falls in love forever. That is a reality. That is a cold hard fact. And facts are supposed to be true. So, why am I feeling like I just met my teenage crush, whom I’ve only known for a six weeks and, now, I can’t stop thinking about him. Already, I’ve started to make every couple of days about him—just him? Crazy, right? Is this a good thing? A benefit?

All my friends say, “Enjoy it while it lasts” or “Take it one day at a time and don’t worry,” actually knowing me more than I know myself. When I take their advice, I live in the NOW and experience bliss. I’m quite sure, I wouldn’t have had any of these amazing moments had I pondered the future or hung out in the what-if’s.

At this age, it’s the little things, really, that make a difference in relating. Can you let go of believing that this new person in your life is anything like someone you have related to in the past? Can you keep focus on the NOW? Can you take in every precious moment without forcing yourself to live in the torment of past relationships, rising like the Phoenix from the ashes?

You know, Easter is upon us. Today is the day we celebrate the resurrection of the Christ. In no uncertain terms, what was once dead is now alive, but in a spiritual way. I’d like to think that my newfound belief in relationship is the recapitulation of every human, traumatic relationship faux pas turned spiritual—maybe even a little Zen. This is the way I’m choosing to celebrate the triumph of Easter!

 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Weaving Lies with Illusions #relationships #relationshipadvice #gayrelationships #gaymarriage

The Course in Miracles says that anything that is not love is an illusion. If this is true then most of our stories we think, deliberate, avenge, and retaliate against are simply a ruse from our egos to gain our attention. When the ego gets our attention we live in illusion and not in the present moment. This is the ego’s goal—to keep us from our God-existence our entire human life, until the ego eventually kills our illusive reality.

My father’s reality was vastly clouded by illusion his entire eight-six years. He rambled on constantly and consistently about everything and everybody who had ever done anything harmful to him to the point where he was never to blame. So, naturally, when he got pancreatic cancer there was no one left to blame, but, perhaps, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. I feel fortunate to have been there when the illusion was ripped away. I finally saw a father I could love and honor. He admitted to me that the only thing on this earth that mattered was love. He even told my partner, then, that he was so happy that we had found each other and love, because that was all that mattered. And this was from a homophobic man, riddled with prejudice.

When you witness the difference between an angry illusion and pure love you get the point that I describe above. But, how do we keep our minds from the clutter of illusion? This is the hardest lesson any spiritual person can conquer. I know I wrestle with it almost every day. Yesterday, I became so exhausted from the clouds of illusion keeping me from the light of love that I simply curled up like a baby in bed and said to myself, I’ll just lie here believing. That’s the best I can do right now. I focused all of my attention on a golden light above me. Every time a fear, like a cloud, came to cover the light, I imagined that the light vaporized the illusion and went back to basking in the light of love.

When I awoke from a small nap, I felt better. My lesson, lately, has been that “nothing outside myself can complete me or make me happy.” Try a day saying that affirmation to your self! What you end understanding is that your entire world is made up of things that you think will make you a happy person. But, our reality is that love alone is our entire sustenance. If the foundation of God in Spirit is love, and we are one with Spirit; then, we must be made of love. Love is complete, whole, prosperous, and compassionate. Without all of our stuff, do we feel the attributes of the Spirit?

 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian 

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

The Mirror of Our Relationships #relationships #relationshipadvice #gayrelationships #gaymarriage

It is said that to understand ourselves, we need a mirror. Often this mirror comes in the form of personal relationships, because those who are closest to us help us learn our biggest lessons. What this means is that we often attract people to our lives to teach us what we need to know about ourselves. These lessons are usually in the form of attracting a certain kind of behavior that brings up a particular attribute of our personality. Perhaps, the same relationship keeps coming into your life with a different face or name, but has all the same qualities. Each time, this personality type brings out a quality in you that exasperates you. If this happens, you know that your mirror has appeared!

Lately, I have been attracting addicts to my life. We know that even someone who is twenty years sober still deals with the same issues. So, this addictive type of person brings up a certain behavior in me with which I obviously need to observe.

For many years, all of my best friends have been in the 12-step programs. So, maybe I felt as if an addict’s behavior was safe. When I moved to South Florida, most of those old friends are far enough away that I don’t feel as if I have their undivided attention or support, anymore. So, perhaps, when I began to date again, I attracted what felt safe.

With this theory, you must realize that when you begin to react certain ways from a particular behavior or from personal relationships, you must look inside to find out the reason you have attracted it. This is the mirror theory. Most people would simply keep blaming the person bringing up the issues.

If you’ve ever been in therapy or self-analysis of any kind, you know that the only answers to getting better or feeling whole is to go inside and work from inside out. Therefore, as I went inside, I realized that what a date’s addictive behavior brought up in me was a feeling that I was not enough to keep a lover’s attention. I felt insecure and abandoned. This happened because an addict who is working the program spends a large majority of his/her time on going to meetings and working on the 12 steps.

So, when I would reach out for my date to be there, he would often be away—in his mind and physically. This brought up old feelings of abandonment. So, I had to go back to the drawing board and begin to reacquaint myself with the belief that I have been created in the nature and form of Creator God. As I believe this, I must also believe that God is not incomplete, so neither am I.

Remember: Right thinking is saving ourselves from our own insanity!

If I continued to find myself believing this old story of being abandoned, then I will certainly seek spiritual or psychological help, because that is what an adult does who wants to grow into a stronger, deeper individual.

So, the mirrors in our lives are not there to keep us pissed off or angry. They are there to help us discover or rediscover our own issues and work on ourselves. This is not to say that, when we get stronger, that mirror may no longer need to be in our lives. Most times, though, you’ll notice that when you get the message to work on yourself, your partner also begins to change as a result of your behavioral differences. This results in symbiotic metamorphosis.

 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

 What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Prospects and Expectation #TheNOW #expectation #relationshipadvice #EckhartTolle

I rarely am wowed by anyone or anything these days. I’m simply a little jaded by life. When you’ve lived life as hard as I have, nothing stuns you. However, every once in a while, you get the temptation to hope that you’ll be simply bowled over and amazed at someone or something new and intriguing. That happened for me a few days ago.

If you don’t know, at this point in my writing, I’m a single, gay man in the middle of gay Mecca. I think, per capita, more gay men live in Southern Florida than San Francisco, right now. And if they don’t live here, they vacation here or have winter homes here. As I figured, from the time I arrived, there would be dating prospects galore. But, finding that one person who relates to me in many important ways, who doesn’t have to be vetted by the FBI, and is drug and disease free has been quite the challenge.

My friends here all tell me that I should let down my guard and have fun. “Don’t worry about finding a relationship!” they say. “It will find you. Just go out to bars and meet people. Have sex when you want. And you’ll love it, just like we do. Trust us. You will!”

After much deliberation, I simply think I’m just not cut out for bars and casual anything. I’m a serial monogamist who likes to cuddle and enjoys praying with my partner. Be that as it may, finding that one gay man who is all that and interesting and kissable (and available emotionally and completely out of a marriage—yes, that means moved out from his partner!) is an anomaly to say the least.

Since I don’t go out to bars, unless with friends for food or 1-2 drinks, I have only looked for dates on Match.com and OkCupid.com, which are dating sites that pander to people who are relationship oriented. When someone is interested in me from the sites, I read his profile from top to bottom (no pun there) and decide if he’s worth my time and effort. Most times, after a few emails, a couple of phone conversations, and now FaceTime, I can get a really good idea of who the person is without even meeting. This takes much of the risk away. So, I’ve been used to going into these coffee dates with my eyes wide open.

What happens, though, if I meet someone—not on the Internet—who really intrigues me? All of a sudden, I act like I’m fifteen again. My heart starts thumping, my palms sweat like I’m writing a love letter, and the worst thing—I expect way too much! Expectation will pull anybody down every time. Every meeting with anyone has pertinence. Trying to create the reason why two people’s path intersect is simply not the emotion to give, even if he/she is stunningly handsome or gorgeous. Expectation draws your attention away from the NOW and keeps you hungering for what you concocted in your mind about the situation.

This scenario could be true for just about any situation—work, friendships, and vacations. So, in short, don’t waste your time trying to decide why Spirit has allowed you to meet someone new or try something different. Simply be open and vulnerable to whatever comes and give it your undivided attention. You may be the person that helps someone, has compassion when it’s needed most, or teaches a lesson to someone who never expected his teacher!

 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian 

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

“Unsafe” in Relationship #relationship #relationshipadvice #AmericanSniper

The word unsafe would be hard to define if you matured in an environment that never protected you. You would believe that life was a battlefield, as in the leading role of the movie “American Sniper.” The sniper had an angry father who taught his two sons to protect each other at all costs. He taught these concepts to his children via a swift and sharp belt. So, although the sniper picked a “safe” person for intimacy in his wife, the rest of his world was unsafe and mirrored a life always at risk.

When I find myself doing something my father would have done, I become aghast at my actions. I rarely give myself a chance to do good in my father’s honor; because, in my mind, he caused me so much frustration and turmoil. However, he did have some good traits. Many of his relatives would considered him one of the best people they knew. But, most often, narcissistic behavior flies under the radar, because narcissists usually only treat families and spouses with such disdain.

Still, I have to ask myself some questions about my own behavior when I mirror the behavior of one of my parents or a former partner:

1.) What pattern from this moment mirrors a pattern in my past?

2.) Can I change the behavior of this moment by recapitulating the past or, conversely, by rewriting my story?

3.) What person in my present, mirrors my father’s behavior? Why did I attract this person to my life and to what end?

4.) Is this a person who brings out my anxiousness, because of his/her Narcissism, Obsessive Compulsive, or Addictive behavior?

I absolutely know that my life would be better if I only attracted those to my life who were safe. Unfortunately, everywhere I look is someone angry, but wearing the mask of calm, nice, and spiritual. I only get to see any person’s true colors after getting to know him or her. It is only in the long run, you get to see if the person’s endurance for holding up that mask can be maintained or manipulated. You see, holding up a mask is honorable if you try to change negative behavior. “Fake it until you make it,” we often hear, when trying to alter a negative attribute.

The best we can do is to be authentic to our truest feelings and see if our feelings and thoughts affect others in a positive or negative way. If you are constantly causing others to be angry or sad, then you must look at your behavior and know you have the necessary means to change it. You can decide to change or keep inviting people into your life who anger you. If you decide the latter, then watch the angels cause a storm in your life so big that everything gets blown over.

A choice in this world we do not have is whether to be spiritual or not. Everyone has a spirit; and, therefore, is spiritual. Everyone is moving toward God, not away, even though their lives may look a mess. All things are happening for the Good! So, you have a choice to either be a victim to these things, be a student of life, or live life with the mastery of a sage. You will end up learning any of those ways. The victim learns via sleeping consciously during the struggle. The student learns consciously during the struggle. The master invites the lesson into his life even if it means a temporary struggle.

 

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

“Unsafe” in Relationship #relationship #relationshipadvice #AmericanSniper

The word unsafe would be hard to define if you matured in an environment that never protected you. You would believe that life was a battlefield, as in the leading role of the movie “American Sniper.” The sniper had an angry father who taught his two sons to protect each other at all costs. He taught these concepts to his children via a swift and sharp belt. So, although the sniper picked a “safe” person for intimacy in his wife, the rest of his world was unsafe and mirrored a life always at risk.

When I find myself doing something my father would have done, I become aghast at my actions. I rarely give myself a chance to do good in my father’s honor; because, in my mind, he caused me so much frustration and turmoil. However, he did have some good traits. Many of his relatives would considered him one of the best people they knew. But, most often, narcissistic behavior flies under the radar, because narcissists usually only treat families and spouses with such disdain.

Still, I have to ask myself some questions about my own behavior when I mirror the behavior of one of my parents or a former partner:

1.) What pattern from this moment mirrors a pattern in my past?

2.) Can I change the behavior of this moment by recapitulating the past or, conversely, by rewriting my story?

3.) What person in my present, mirrors my father’s behavior? Why did I attract this person to my life and to what end?

4.) Is this a person who brings out my anxiousness, because of his/her Narcissism, Obsessive Compulsive, or Addictive behavior?

I absolutely know that my life would be better if I only attracted those to my life who were safe. Unfortunately, everywhere I look is someone angry, but wearing the mask of calm, nice, and spiritual. I only get to see any person’s true colors after getting to know him or her. It is only in the long run, you get to see if the person’s endurance for holding up that mask can be maintained or manipulated. You see, holding up a mask is honorable if you try to change negative behavior. “Fake it until you make it,” we often hear, when trying to alter a negative attribute.

The best we can do is to be authentic to our truest feelings and see if our feelings and thoughts affect others in a positive or negative way. If you are constantly causing others to be angry or sad, then you must look at your behavior and know you have the necessary means to change it. You can decide to change or keep inviting people into your life who anger you. If you decide the latter, then watch the angels cause a storm in your life so big that everything gets blown over.

A choice in this world we do not have is whether to be spiritual or not. Everyone has a spirit; and, therefore, is spiritual. Everyone is moving toward God, not away, even though their lives may look a mess. All things are happening for the Good! So, you have a choice to either be a victim to these things, be a student of life, or live life with the mastery of a sage. You will end up learning any of those ways. The victim learns via sleeping consciously during the struggle. The student learns consciously during the struggle. The master invites the lesson into his life even if it means a temporary struggle.

 

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

A Lot Like Me #relationshipadvice

Do you find that you are more attracted to people who are like you or people who are different than you? Do you attract people who are different than you for relationships, but for friendships attract people who are more like you?

I have friends and acquaintances that are of every ilk, nationality, age, height, weight, and color. But, when I look at the intimate relationships I have had in my life, my list reads like a paint strip at Home Depot that has one color with five varying, similar shades.

I think the answer lies somewhere in the knowledge of how much you actually have changed your old story and worked on yourself to become a better person. If you like who you’ve become, you may want to look for the same attributes that have made you personally stronger, instead of someone who is vastly different.

Most psychology believes that we often attract, as our personal relationships, those who mirror people we have had bad relationships with, so that we can heal those old relationship with the new person. Even though our initial response may be on an unconscious level, we still are able to check in with ourselves as we become more aware of the types and attachment styles of those we date. We must see if whom we are attracted to presently are people who mirror abusers or people who love us unconditionally. This is the difference between trusting the work you have done on yourself and believing you are still living in the same old story!

When you meet someone through a dating site, the computer has already done most of the vetting for you. You must really read the biographies, though, and decide if a person is even worth a response. When I seek a certain kind of monogamous, spiritually and psychologically healthy individual who is securely attached, the ratio of likes to dislikes changes vastly. Again, read the biographies. People are apt to write somewhere in their bios something that really tells who that person is. If they don’t, you need to ask the right questions to tell who this person is before you ever go out on a date. Attraction can sometimes overwhelm you. You may end up entering into a sexual relationship with someone who is wrong for you, which is likely to hurt you in the end.

With intimate relationships, we often look for a chemical attraction, first. So, the likelihood of finding authentic and loving relationship is much more difficult. I don’t know that any of us can change responding from attraction, but altering our plan to include people who are more psychologically ready for relationship happens at these initial stages, especially with this new craze of Internet dating. But, that doesn’t mean denying a physical attraction completely. I have had friends who have opted to go for the mate who they weren’t so attracted to, but had a great friendship with, only to tell me that they have no sex life now. They are happy in all other ways, but have no intimacy in their lives. But, isn’t intimacy what is the difference between a friend and a mate?

So, we are back to our initial idea. Do we attract someone like us or different than us? When I put all qualities aside, I’ve realized that maybe it’s time to start trusting my gut reactions again. For a long time I didn’t trust myself, because I had picked from the same lot over and over again, with the same results.

But, I’m a different, more secure, healthier individual now. My heart definitely leans towards the loving compassionate person, rather than the person I can’t possibly get, but desire to do everything in my power to change his opinion of me (my old story). I believe, the difference in my dating experience could be that, as I have worked on myself to be a better individual and to change my personal needs to attract the right and perfect person, I should trust my gut to know who is right and who needs to stay in the dating pool.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! --Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]