What’s Your Pedigree? #relationshipadvice #truth #intimacy #spiritualadvice #spiritualreality

I had an initial conversation with a new acquaintance. Two times during the dialogue, I felt compelled to hang up the phone and discontinue the conversation. My need to hang up came from the thought that this person was being dismissive to me and a bit aloof.

As an observer of my own behavior, I stopped myself from being reactive to the conversation, because I felt my desire to hang up was based on a bruised ego. I also realized that my conversational topics and point of view could have evoked or triggered his tone and choice words that triggered me. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt; especially, since we both go to the same church, basically work in the same field, and have a lot of the same beliefs about life.

After we hung up the telephone, I rehearsed the conversation in my mind. I realized that when anyone new asks me about myself, I usually begin with a bit about my spiritual take on life then continue with my pedigree (what I do, how I do it, how many times I have been successful, yadda yadda yadda…).

I have been through many of these conversations, especially in the clinical arena, as the first thing I ask my clients is to tell me a little about themselves, even before they tell me their reason for seeing me. I almost never understand who the person is by their pedigree. My following, more probing questions about what makes them tick as a person is what provides the information I need to get to know them more intimately.

As I looked back at the conversation with my new acquaintance, I was quick to share my strong point of view after every time he shared his opinion, which could have been perceived as judgmental. Also, I interrupted him in the middle of telling a story for clarification, and he said, “Well, I wasn’t finished with the story.” This really pushed my button, as I was not trying to be rude, I just wanted to clarify something he said. It was as if we were two dogs vying for dominance. This was not my idea of a great first conversation.

As I listened to the words I chose in the conversation, in my mind, now, though, I believe I would have hung up on myself. I was largely flagrant and led with my successful pedigree, instead the most authentic part of me, which is certainly not arrogance. I’m not sure why this person still wants to meet me for coffee, but I’m determined to not reenact the first conversation again.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in March or April 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

TRUTH: An Inside Job #relationshipadvice #powerofchoice #spiritualadvice #livingtruth

I have often been asked what it takes to attract the perfect mate, because I wrote a NY Times Bestseller about that very fact (Your Gay Friend’s Guide to Understanding Men). The only advice I currently give is to ALWAYS look for someone with whom you can share your truth, authenticity, and transparency. I do not believe that joy and happiness will last without these essential elements in a personal relationship.

I have tried all forms of attraction in my life. But the only one that lasts is the one that is built on solid love—the kind of love with which God created the universe. That same love is yours and mine for the taking, as we were created with the very elements of love built into our DNA.

People are quick to judge certain types of people with a sweeping brush across the canvas. But the truth is, most of us search for truth and peace every day of our lives. I have not met many people in my life who have not imagined a world without fear. Even the prettiest people are afraid they are not pretty enough.

I agree that many daters are looking for that quick fix—sex or some intimacy, and not willing to invest much more into relationship. But, you have to take the time to be able to see this kind of person coming from a mile away.

If you cannot share the smallest truth with someone you are dating, I would suggest moving on immediately. We are not going to change anyone in personal relationships. So, simply date people who are in your spiritual bubble who have already had their fair share of change and complication, but have securely and successfully walked through the tribulation with their heads held high or, at least, with more compassionate.

Desire someone in your life with ideals similar to your own, much more than you would want someone with a perfect body. Why? People with perfect bodies often do not have perfect bodies after the first year of a marriage. Often, they only build up the body to attract someone. Once they attain what they want, they stop thinking about looks and focus in on the next attainable venture. These kinds of people are also easy to spot. They are quick to act and slow to commit to authenticity and real intimacy.

Do not be fooled by someone who says he or she is spiritual, but does not resonate with your understanding of spirituality. If you cannot take your partner’s hand and say, “Hey, I need to pray with you. I need some guidance. Or, I’m afraid, and I need you to think a good thought for me while I’m at the doctor’s office,” then this is not a spiritual partner and mate.

These kinds of intimate, spiritual moments are paramount in establishing a great—not good—relationship. This is because the foundation of the relationship is based on love and compassion, not simply attraction.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in January)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in January 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Easter: Big Benefits with “Little” Passed #relationships #relationshipadvice #datingadvice

Relationship at any age is about give and take, isn’t it? How many people have you dated, kissed, casually had sex with, or even married who actually brought benefits into your life without dragging you into the “have-to’s” and “you’ve earned it’s?” Is it possible to derive human benefits from any relationship without the little, tiny “but-if’s?”

If you are in your twenties, you probably just blow off the guilt plays and move on to your next conquest. But, when you pass thirty-five or forty something happens to your mind that keeps considering this one looming question: What if this is the best I can do?

I’m not sure, but I think I’ve done more compromising than relating my entire life in both friendships, familial-, and intimate relationships. I’m ready to relate, to have fun, and bask in a little bliss without having to stop to cry a little about spilled milk. Honestly, I wish I had some of the bitch I had back when I was in my twenties. I knew I would find the perfect match, then. I didn’t worry about age and time ending before I had the chance to marry my soul mate. I’m not even sure I believe in soul mates anymore. I mean how can I be yours and you be mine, if we don’t even know each other? Right? How can any one person know another?

Once, I imagined that, at fifty, I would meet a guy who would take me back to my teens and give me back those amazing, tingling feelings that only happen when someone is too naïve to care what happens next. I actually thought I would be swept away just one last time. This time, though, the feelings would last forever. But, who believes in forever, anymore?

I’m not the kind of guy who falls in love forever. That is a reality. That is a cold hard fact. And facts are supposed to be true. So, why am I feeling like I just met my teenage crush, whom I’ve only known for a six weeks and, now, I can’t stop thinking about him. Already, I’ve started to make every couple of days about him—just him? Crazy, right? Is this a good thing? A benefit?

All my friends say, “Enjoy it while it lasts” or “Take it one day at a time and don’t worry,” actually knowing me more than I know myself. When I take their advice, I live in the NOW and experience bliss. I’m quite sure, I wouldn’t have had any of these amazing moments had I pondered the future or hung out in the what-if’s.

At this age, it’s the little things, really, that make a difference in relating. Can you let go of believing that this new person in your life is anything like someone you have related to in the past? Can you keep focus on the NOW? Can you take in every precious moment without forcing yourself to live in the torment of past relationships, rising like the Phoenix from the ashes?

You know, Easter is upon us. Today is the day we celebrate the resurrection of the Christ. In no uncertain terms, what was once dead is now alive, but in a spiritual way. I’d like to think that my newfound belief in relationship is the recapitulation of every human, traumatic relationship faux pas turned spiritual—maybe even a little Zen. This is the way I’m choosing to celebrate the triumph of Easter!

 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

A Lot Like Me #relationshipadvice

Do you find that you are more attracted to people who are like you or people who are different than you? Do you attract people who are different than you for relationships, but for friendships attract people who are more like you?

I have friends and acquaintances that are of every ilk, nationality, age, height, weight, and color. But, when I look at the intimate relationships I have had in my life, my list reads like a paint strip at Home Depot that has one color with five varying, similar shades.

I think the answer lies somewhere in the knowledge of how much you actually have changed your old story and worked on yourself to become a better person. If you like who you’ve become, you may want to look for the same attributes that have made you personally stronger, instead of someone who is vastly different.

Most psychology believes that we often attract, as our personal relationships, those who mirror people we have had bad relationships with, so that we can heal those old relationship with the new person. Even though our initial response may be on an unconscious level, we still are able to check in with ourselves as we become more aware of the types and attachment styles of those we date. We must see if whom we are attracted to presently are people who mirror abusers or people who love us unconditionally. This is the difference between trusting the work you have done on yourself and believing you are still living in the same old story!

When you meet someone through a dating site, the computer has already done most of the vetting for you. You must really read the biographies, though, and decide if a person is even worth a response. When I seek a certain kind of monogamous, spiritually and psychologically healthy individual who is securely attached, the ratio of likes to dislikes changes vastly. Again, read the biographies. People are apt to write somewhere in their bios something that really tells who that person is. If they don’t, you need to ask the right questions to tell who this person is before you ever go out on a date. Attraction can sometimes overwhelm you. You may end up entering into a sexual relationship with someone who is wrong for you, which is likely to hurt you in the end.

With intimate relationships, we often look for a chemical attraction, first. So, the likelihood of finding authentic and loving relationship is much more difficult. I don’t know that any of us can change responding from attraction, but altering our plan to include people who are more psychologically ready for relationship happens at these initial stages, especially with this new craze of Internet dating. But, that doesn’t mean denying a physical attraction completely. I have had friends who have opted to go for the mate who they weren’t so attracted to, but had a great friendship with, only to tell me that they have no sex life now. They are happy in all other ways, but have no intimacy in their lives. But, isn’t intimacy what is the difference between a friend and a mate?

So, we are back to our initial idea. Do we attract someone like us or different than us? When I put all qualities aside, I’ve realized that maybe it’s time to start trusting my gut reactions again. For a long time I didn’t trust myself, because I had picked from the same lot over and over again, with the same results.

But, I’m a different, more secure, healthier individual now. My heart definitely leans towards the loving compassionate person, rather than the person I can’t possibly get, but desire to do everything in my power to change his opinion of me (my old story). I believe, the difference in my dating experience could be that, as I have worked on myself to be a better individual and to change my personal needs to attract the right and perfect person, I should trust my gut to know who is right and who needs to stay in the dating pool.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! --Bo

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

If ____ Be for Me, Who Can Be Against Me? #relationship #relationshipadvice #resolvingthepast #gaydating

If ____ Be for Me, Who Can Be Against Me?
#relationship #relationshipadvice #resolvingthepast #gaydating

Yesterday, I faced one of the biggest struggles of my life, like a lion. For that, I’m very proud. I write about facing the past, but don’t often get the chance to surge into my own subconscious with equal amounts of anger and compassion to destroys the demons of old. As I waited for the moments that transpired, I kept repeating to myself: “If God be for me; who can be against me?

We decided to meet at a neutral place, a semi-quiet area, in a booth at 5:30 P.M. before the dinner rush happened at a large restaurant chain. This wasn’t my favorite choice, but it was the only choice he would agree to. Fortunately, he was correct. We were only two of about 10 people in the entire restaurant, so I felt comfortable revealing my pain back in a dark corner, where security and trust seemed to bode.

He sat someone what nervously and agitated. I had coaxed him to meet me by a quiet, but strong undertone of needing his advice and encouragement as a minister, before I left on my new adventure and life in Florida. He is a strong and masculine man, beard thicker than a bear; a coarse, dark full head of hair; small age lines around his eyes, dignifying him as one who has seen life, but not been swept away by it; and perfectly fit, as one who is trying to be single, even though he is still married. He asked me random questions about my life, searching somewhat anxiously to figure out why I had invited the man who courted me like a Casanova until I was putty in his hands, then dumped me, because he felt that he would, as he said, “fall in love and wasn’t ready to, because he still had a family and life to deal with.”

I actually understood his premise. He told me about his wife and children on our first day, but said that he and his wife hadn’t slept together for 8 years, lived separate lives for the children’s sake, and was planning to divorce her. So, in a gay world where available men are hard to find, you sometimes pick from the vine when the fruit is slightly under-ripe. In this case, I had realized my big mistake, but a little too late. I have had the experience a few too many times to be making the same mistake again. However, we had only had three wonderful dates, but he was right, I was already smitten, but for all the wrong reasons.
You see, what I realized when I confronted him with the reason for my extreme anger with him when he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, was not because I was furious at him, but because I was angry with myself. I wasn’t just mad, but frustrated that I kept following the same path, round and round, like the children of Israel in the desert, and kept reaching the same place—pain. So, I asked him to meet me so that I could share my truth and ask him to listen, because the need to be heard and understood was probably the underlying, unresolved problem in my mind.
To my great pleasure, he sat quietly and listened with compassion as tears rolled down my face. I shared three stories about men who had abandoned me in the past. My first story was about my father, the archetype for the pain, then two other guys who fell in love with me when they were still married, but insisted that they were would be out of their marriage, but never did go.

When I was finished, he didn’t reach across the table with his strong hand that still showed his wedding ring, which I’d never seen before. No, he folded his hands in his lap and said, “Thank you for telling me your story. I can certainly see why you reacted the way you did when I told you I couldn’t see you anymore. You see, the reason I said that was because, after a long conversation with myself and my therapist, I realized that I couldn’t move into relationship with someone like you until I had resolved all the issues in my life. I can’t just have sex with someone. I am wired for relationship. I was on the road to hurting you and probably hurting my family too. So, I had to make the hard choice of leaving the situation before it was too late.” (Unfortunately, his timing was too late. He should have stopped before he started.)

In that moment, I felt a rush of healing flush over my body. My anger turned into compassion, mostly for myself. I had realized my actions didn’t take much to resolve my pain, just one tiny step forward holding the passion of enough anger to get me across the finish line. I’m certain that if you face your fears, as I had done yesterday, that your past will begin to resolve itself. Yes, you will feel sadness and maybe tears, but when anything dies, even something you dislike, a period of grieving is in order—even when pain slips back into the darkness to be vanquished by the light of understanding. Be strong today. You and your psychological health are worth it.


***
Check out my new book: (New Promo YouTube Video—important for all GLBT friends: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4yGU-MVCtQ ) Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior: http://www.amazon.com/Uncommon-Gay-Spiritual-Warrior-Authentic-ebook/dp/B00KPIVOIY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1401708367&sr=8-1&keywords=uncommon+gay+spiritual+warrior .

I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.
Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also a self-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=finding%20authentic%20you&sprefix=finding+%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afinding%20authentic%20you


Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.