Relationships: Are They for Personal Growth? #spiritualadvice #relationshipadvice #newthought #racemind

I have been following a dear friend’s Facebook page for years. For the past five years, he has written some of the sweetest words about his partner. Then, finally the day came when he wrote they were engaged. I was so thrilled for him, because, quite honestly, I didn’t think my friend was able to commit to someone completely.

Fast forward: a couple months later I see that he is pictured with someone else on Facebook. I remark to the posting to find out that this picture is of him and his new boyfriend. My heart sank.

Come on, friends. Please show me that love can last! Show me that my illusion of personal relationship is just that—an illusion. I have never met, may never meet anyone who can stay in a relationship and remain happy.

I was tempted to write a note to my friend and say, “Hey, is it possible to say that we keep meeting people who are a little better for our growth, a little closer to our hearts, and can challenge us a bit deeper—or are we just of a sophomoric behavior and think that personal relationship is about finding the best NEW person and not learning through the challenges of the love that chooses to withstand the test of time?

I wish I were inundated with stories that denied my belief of relationship. I wish that I could say that many people who have endured long-standing relationships were happy and content and thankful. But, alas, they usually have sacrificed much of their life for a meaningless document that taught them little about loving themselves, which is often a much harder lesson than caring for another.

Do I sound bitter? HMMM. I guess I am a little angry that true love hasn’t found me yet. How about you?

I have always dreamed of true love. My friends often have laughed at me when I start remarking about this special person in my life. I believe this is so because they know eventually it will not last. Are they bitter, too, or just pragmatic?

Lately, I have stopped looking for love. If it chooses to find me, it’s going to have to bite me in the ass and take a grand hold to get me to notice or care. Life is a lot more peaceful and simpler when I stay focused on what I can see clearly.

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Why Do We Keep Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships? #relationshipadvice #psychology #spiritualadvice #lifecoach

Nothing feels more like a failure as when you set out to make a correct, well-thought-out decision. You decide on your intent and a pragmatic schedule of how, when, and where you will embark on your new idea. You even meditate about it, feeling as if you have done your best to decrease the likelihood of failure by taking it to prayer. Yet, often you sit in the same cesspool of tears wondering how you could have made the same exact mistake again—different characters, same plot, new relationship!

Everyday, you laugh at your decreasing desire to even try in relationship. Even opening your heart to one feel as if it takes too much energy. You have found amazing people with hearts of gold, and yet something, somehow, takes the relationship somewhere other than where you desire. You pray and treat for it and believe with all of your heart, defying all of your fear of the anxiety of the past? Yes, yes, and yes again.

Once again, though, you find yourself standing at the grave of yet another relationship that has morphed into a beautiful friendship, but not the intimate one you prayed for. What is left to do but release and let go?

This morning, as I meditated, I used a mantra that a psychologist and minister gave me two years ago:

“Relationship is what it is, not what I make of it.”

Personally, I have NOT lost hope that a loving, long-abiding, intimate relationship could happen for me. How and from where, I have no idea. I simply know this much:

1. I am open to it.
2. When I see it, I will know the right questions to ask so that I won’t make the same mistakes again.
3. I will follow the path to intimacy slowly, despite any sexual desire.
4. I will become friends and prayer partners before I miss the opportunity, and the relationship flows into a dream space of loving intimacy that seems to block out all sense.

Relationship is, at best, the hardest human conundrum. The reason this is so is because it takes more than just 100% of your work. It relies on 100% of someone else’s work, which you cannot—even if you try—control. If you are comfortable with the idea that you must control every part of your life, the likelihood of right relationship happening for you is probably not going to happen very soon. My best friends and family who are in relationship all suffer from the same problems as single people do, interestingly enough, loneliness, anger, desperation, and intimacy issues, as well.

No one person can solve your intimate problems. You must get comfortable with yourself, love spending time with you, and cherish and honor the peace that “no relationship” offers at this point in your life. Peace over drama wins every time.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in May or June of 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

When Love Stays: Even After You Break Up #relationships #relationshipadvice #spiritualadvice #divorce

More than any emotional issue, the break-up is the most difficult. Countless clients end up at my doorstep working on the residual effects and tying up the loose ends of lost love. Difficult does not even begin to describe the kinds of trauma ending any relationship can bring up in your life. But, how do we begin to deal with this kind of loss?

The best advice I have ever been told, when it comes to dealing with loss is this:

When we begin to grieve the loss of a love, we are actually grieving over what could have been, more than the actual relationship. Divorce brings up every relationship you have ever lost—all at the same time, which is why it becomes so overwhelming. Your loss becomes a compilation of all the lost love at the same time, which is often why break-ups become more intense the older you get.

If you go the route of psychology, human behavior science suggests that every person goes through 5-7 stages of grief:

• SHOCK & DENIAL
• PAIN & GUILT
• ANGER & BARGAINING
• "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS
• THE UPWARD TURN
• RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
• ACCEPTANCE & HOPE (recover-from-grief.com, 2016)

If you take the Spiritual Truth route and use Spiritual Mind Treatment, you are likely to still go through all the stages of human grief, but you will go through them quickly, because you have done your work. What I have found in my own life is that loss becomes easier when you truly deal with the symptoms of loss and your own anxious behavior around love.

The last time a relationship did not work out in my life, I do not even remember crying. It was as if I had already done the crying over the worst loss in my life (when my mother left her six children at my age of 8), which led to anxious attachment in all subsequent relationships. I know my truth and what want from an intimate relationship. So, when one does not work out, I trust that it was the wrong one. I trust the NOW and Spirit, which is the Truth I’ve been working on all along.

Spiritual Mind Treatment would suggest that we build on the Truth that we know and have taught our minds to live, not just think. When we feel emotions come up, we call on the Source of Truth within the universe to lead us to an even greater Truth. We begin to recognize that this greater Truth is worth the lesson of any pain that human relationships could trigger in us. This is what I have learned:

Those who Spirit has called to be together, stay together. When it is time for some relationships to end, we must let them go, because we are making room for another, better, bigger, more loving relationship to fulfill us in ways we could never expect.

The same God that created the universe, created you out of an abundance of love. No love is ever lost.

The Spirit of God in Me cannot and will not REJECT the Spirit of God in You.

It is an impossibility. So, if you wait long enough, usually you can look back at the lost love and understand the reason it had to go in another direction. Sometimes, we are fortunate enough to see that person in another relationship and realize this was not our dream. Or maybe we can see that their happiness was not contingent upon us being in their life. That, too, is a gift. Love for anyone is always better than bitterness and pain.

You see, we must resolve our own pain around relationship, because our work here on earth is about bringing positive energy on to the Earth. If we get stymied by personal relationships, we will never learn to be the Spiritual Beings we are meant to be. My guess is that this is why the Apostle Paul felt so strongly about staying single. He knew how much energy personal relationship took and was more willing to do the work of Spirit than of his own humanness.

I’m a believer of balance, so I still believe that personal relationship could exist for you and me. But still, I haven’t been fortunate enough to find a spiritual friend who is also an intimate partner. Perhaps, one day, I will find one. But, even at 55 years old, I am not prepared to struggle anymore for ephemeral human relationship that has caused more loss of joy than anything else in my life. If relationship happens, it happens. I’m good with that now, which also makes opening my heart to the idea of love even easier. I do not bring my emotional baggage to each relationship and force the other person involved to help me resolve my problems. I take my psychological problems to practitioners who are trained to help me, instead of bringing smelly garbage into someone else’s life who does not deserve it.

I hope this helps those who are in any stage of grief over loss. You will get through it. You will get through even faster if you continue to confess the Truth of what you know about love!

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in March or April 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: 

50 Shades of Bo Sex vs. Intimacy #bondage #relationshipadvice #spirituality #fetishes #masterslave #gaymarriage

I watched Fifty Shades of Grey last night and actually came away feeling empowered. Why? Because—spoiler alert—the lovely ingénue of the movie (Anastasia, played by Dakota Johnson) walked away from what looked to be the perfect lifestyle and a loving man to take back the one thing her “master” needed of her to be happy—her personal power. And what was Grey, the master, left with? A deep-seated mental disease, a strong detachment disorder, and a sadness that no amount of domination could satisfy.

Yes, the movie spoke the truth about fetishes and dominance. Though, they may be intriguing and sexually satisfying for many people, they also reveal a deep misalignment in the brain’s wiring that would prohibit many from accepting pure love. Sexual fantasy is and probably will always be the easiest way to accept mental detachment from the past, because it allows the person to convert attachment disorder into sexual pleasure. Though it may seem harmless, in the end, it is a smokescreen, at best.

My last relationship actually broke up after I fell in love, lived with, and had a seemingly great relationship with a man who was willing to forgo love for a fetish. His desire seemed simple and harmless—a foot fetish—but in the end, it was either the fetish or love. He rejected what he considered the best relationship of his life for a pathway into gratifying the needs of the misfiring in his brain from childhood trauma.

Three years ago on Valentine’s Day, I had the rare opportunity to see the effects of this dominance on the brain in someone I had loved and wanted to marry. The answer was simple for him. It was either he got to live inside his fetish or release love completely—there was no in between. He chose the fetish. His choice was very sad for me, and I often wonder if he ever had any regrets about his choice. Unfortunately, after two happy years, he left the day after, collected his things, and I never heard from him again.

The only thing I did see, a few weeks after he left, was a profile of him on a dating site that explained a great deal. It said: “Looking for a dominant male, foot fetish, master-slave relationship.” Honestly, no one would have believed it of him, unless, of course, they were privy to this profile and our soaking wet conversation in the shower, when he broke up with me.

I do not share this story for anyone to feel sad. I share it because of the empowerment I finally gained from watching a movie I never thought I would enjoy. Sometimes… most times, understanding and compassion comes from the most unlikely sources. This, indeed, was the case for me.

If you begin dating someone, and they happen to mention in passing about fetishes or fantasies that they want to happen (3-ways, foot fetish, master slave, being tied up), this inherently speaks of deep-seated, unresolved mental issues that have resulted in and expressed as sexuality.

This is an FYI for those who are dating. The more you know about the cues people give you in the getting-to-know-you phase of the relationship, the more you are apt to say, “Hey, this just ain’t for me.”

I wish I had known this five years ago. It would have saved me two years of my life.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (inJanuary)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in January 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completedyou trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Is Love a Bargain? #bargainshopping #realtionshipadvice #lovelessons

I love a good bargain. My eyes double in size when I see a sign that reads: 75% OFF! Truly, it’s an adrenaline rush better than sex! One year, a client of mine gave me a $150 gift card to Dillards. I waited until 45 days after Christmas and thought I’d burst out of my skin when I came home with about $1500 worth of stuff for $0. Yes, I’m a sales-addict!

When it comes to love, no bargains exist. Love doesn’t come with a sign that says: “pick me because I just got a divorce and I’m vulnerable and 1/2 off!”

In fact, those signs will get you into the most trouble of all. Here are some other signs to watch out for when you’re shopping for a mate:

1. I just got out of a 20-year relationship and I’m ready to DATE.
2. I was playing for the opposite team in my last relationship!
3. When he or she says, “I’m really not good at communication!”
4. I’ve been clean for an entire month! WOW!
5. Looking at other people, sexually, isn’t a crime!
6. I watch an hour of porn before I go to bed everynight.
7. I’m a prejudiced bigot! (this is like looking for the flaw in a “seconds” pile).

So, you get it that love isn’t a bargain. In fact, when you shop for love, you probably won’t find what you’re looking for. The size won’t be right. The color will be just a shade too dark, the material a little scratchy.

It’s when you go out shopping with a dear friend, you find that perfectly fitting outfit. It was in a store you would have not gone in had it not been for the path of someone else. This is when you’ll find your mate. At least, that’s what I’m told. I’m still meandering around the mall with no bags in my hands, hoping someone will notice.

I do know this about love: from what I’ve nurtured and grown in the past, it stuns me when I find it. It draws me in and keeps me there. But, now that I’m an older, healthier individual with less attachment issues and certainly less neediness (which comes packaged nicely with age)—I wonder if love will slap me in the face or kick me in the behind. I think it will have to do one or the other to get my attention, because I’m not so certain that I want to spend the money on that one-of-a-kind designer outfit that was designed specifically for me. Even if it stares me down and beckons me like that perfect bargain.

You can find all of Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ Today's featured book is my NY Times Bestselling book: "Your Gay Friend's Guide to Understanding Men!"  Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

SAMSUNG DIGITAL CAMERA

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You #relationship #relationshipsadvice #dating

“I’ll never love you as much as you love me,” was once said to a man who doted, romanticized, and practically worshipped a woman who could never love him back. He answered with compassion, “You don’t understand, precious one. The love I have for you is mine and mine alone. To feel your presence in my life brings great joy. My love has no expectations.” To that, the woman had no response, but to accept the situation.

When you listen to this story, you realize that our search for love is really a desire for a feeling, not a person, usually. And the feeling is ours to possess. If we have experienced love in the past, we may just want the feeling of a past relationship again, because loving someone felt joyful and wonderful at one time. When we begin to expect a return from love’s investment is when we experience pain and remorse. So, how is it possible to give unconditional love when reciprocity is usually a prerequisite, especially in romantic love?

I may have shared with you before that my mantra for the past year has been, “Relationships are what they are, not what I make of them!” When I speak this phrase as an affirmation, I begin to convince myself that love will unfold if it is there, in me, and hopefully in someone else.

However, I understand that what has been in my way for much of my life is the expectation that the trust and hope and security of an old eight-year relationship will somehow magically appear in the dating process of someone new. Every step of the way, as I date new people, I must realize that my movement toward love should stay steady, forward, and nonresistant. When someone shares that he is not ready for a relationship or would rather be friends, the relationship tells me what direction I need to go.

If I don’t listen and have already made up my mind about the relationship, I will grieve the loss of my dream, not the loss of the person. This is the most important fact to remember as you date, which ultimately leads to uncovering wounded parts of your tender heart.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Addicted to Love: #relationshipadvice #relationship #dating #butterfly #corrinebaileyrae #theprophet #kahlilgibran

Addicted to Love

#relationshipadvice #relationship #dating #butterfly #corrinebaileyrae #theprophet #kahlilgibran

It haunts us. It draws us with its pheromones. It picks us up and entangles our hearts. It confuses us. And, mostly, it comforts our souls in ways we never expected. Love—intimate love—no matter friendship or sexual partner, we are all wired for it.

Every morning I wake up to the song: “Butterfly,” by Corrine Bailey Rae, as it is set as my alarm tone. The chorus starts with the lyric: “Shower me with your love, shine on me!” I suppose that most people, even those who have hardened their hearts to love, want to have someone close and intimate. Even with my life-coaching clients who say they have had enough of relationship, if the right person came along, 95% of us would consider love.

Ten years ago, after two 8-year relationships and two 2-year relationships, I decided to take my therapist’s advice and extricate myself from the dating pool for a year. I remember the first moments of being alone with myself, with no options to date anymore and no prospective suitors; I tucked myself into my comfy recliner and watched television by myself. Yes, all alone! I remember feeling as if a thousand ants were crawling up my spine. I couldn’t sit still. I sat with my computer on my lap, playing word games, chatted on Facebook with friends, and watched television–all at the same time. I couldn’t find enough stimuli to retract from the need of holding someone special in my arms.

I remember the day the habit of “needing” subsided. After much therapy about why I had been addicted to love for so long and admittedly a natural monogamist, I realized that alone wasn’t such a bad place to be. I began to feel the comfort of my own skin and my own mind. I heard myself say, “Wow, I get to make all my own decisions. I don’t have to consider anyone else, but me, right now. How wonderful!” And, after growing up caring for 5 siblings and a father, cooking meals, cleaning, making lunches, and then moving on to the next stage, which was dating; I threw myself into relationship after relationship, never really being satisfied, never really taking care of the deep wound in my soul that could never be medicated with love.

I needed a spiritual experience and a healing, psychological event to help me feel whole inside, first, before I decided to invite another person into my life. The passageway to feeling whole was narrow. Not many warriors seek to find one’s own strength, before he or she begins relating on an intimate level, which is always good protocol for anyone seeking love. If you don’t know yourself and love yourself, then you will ultimately blend into someone else’s persona and, eventually, disappear completely. Once that happens, you will begin to feel angry and unseen in the relationship, because you are no longer an individual, but a dependent part of the whole.

The author Kahlil Gibran in “The Prophet” says it best:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup… sing and dance together, but let each one of you be alone.”

***
Check out my new book: (New Promo YouTube Video—important for all GLBT friends: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4yGU-MVCtQ ) Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior: http://www.amazon.com/Uncommon-Gay-Spiritual-Warrior-Authentic-ebook/dp/B00KPIVOIY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1401708367&sr=8-1&keywords=uncommon+gay+spiritual+warrior .

I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.

Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also a self-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=finding%20authentic%20you&sprefix=finding+%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afinding%20authentic%20you


Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.

If ____ Be for Me, Who Can Be Against Me? #relationship #relationshipadvice #resolvingthepast #gaydating

If ____ Be for Me, Who Can Be Against Me?
#relationship #relationshipadvice #resolvingthepast #gaydating

Yesterday, I faced one of the biggest struggles of my life, like a lion. For that, I’m very proud. I write about facing the past, but don’t often get the chance to surge into my own subconscious with equal amounts of anger and compassion to destroys the demons of old. As I waited for the moments that transpired, I kept repeating to myself: “If God be for me; who can be against me?

We decided to meet at a neutral place, a semi-quiet area, in a booth at 5:30 P.M. before the dinner rush happened at a large restaurant chain. This wasn’t my favorite choice, but it was the only choice he would agree to. Fortunately, he was correct. We were only two of about 10 people in the entire restaurant, so I felt comfortable revealing my pain back in a dark corner, where security and trust seemed to bode.

He sat someone what nervously and agitated. I had coaxed him to meet me by a quiet, but strong undertone of needing his advice and encouragement as a minister, before I left on my new adventure and life in Florida. He is a strong and masculine man, beard thicker than a bear; a coarse, dark full head of hair; small age lines around his eyes, dignifying him as one who has seen life, but not been swept away by it; and perfectly fit, as one who is trying to be single, even though he is still married. He asked me random questions about my life, searching somewhat anxiously to figure out why I had invited the man who courted me like a Casanova until I was putty in his hands, then dumped me, because he felt that he would, as he said, “fall in love and wasn’t ready to, because he still had a family and life to deal with.”

I actually understood his premise. He told me about his wife and children on our first day, but said that he and his wife hadn’t slept together for 8 years, lived separate lives for the children’s sake, and was planning to divorce her. So, in a gay world where available men are hard to find, you sometimes pick from the vine when the fruit is slightly under-ripe. In this case, I had realized my big mistake, but a little too late. I have had the experience a few too many times to be making the same mistake again. However, we had only had three wonderful dates, but he was right, I was already smitten, but for all the wrong reasons.
You see, what I realized when I confronted him with the reason for my extreme anger with him when he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, was not because I was furious at him, but because I was angry with myself. I wasn’t just mad, but frustrated that I kept following the same path, round and round, like the children of Israel in the desert, and kept reaching the same place—pain. So, I asked him to meet me so that I could share my truth and ask him to listen, because the need to be heard and understood was probably the underlying, unresolved problem in my mind.
To my great pleasure, he sat quietly and listened with compassion as tears rolled down my face. I shared three stories about men who had abandoned me in the past. My first story was about my father, the archetype for the pain, then two other guys who fell in love with me when they were still married, but insisted that they were would be out of their marriage, but never did go.

When I was finished, he didn’t reach across the table with his strong hand that still showed his wedding ring, which I’d never seen before. No, he folded his hands in his lap and said, “Thank you for telling me your story. I can certainly see why you reacted the way you did when I told you I couldn’t see you anymore. You see, the reason I said that was because, after a long conversation with myself and my therapist, I realized that I couldn’t move into relationship with someone like you until I had resolved all the issues in my life. I can’t just have sex with someone. I am wired for relationship. I was on the road to hurting you and probably hurting my family too. So, I had to make the hard choice of leaving the situation before it was too late.” (Unfortunately, his timing was too late. He should have stopped before he started.)

In that moment, I felt a rush of healing flush over my body. My anger turned into compassion, mostly for myself. I had realized my actions didn’t take much to resolve my pain, just one tiny step forward holding the passion of enough anger to get me across the finish line. I’m certain that if you face your fears, as I had done yesterday, that your past will begin to resolve itself. Yes, you will feel sadness and maybe tears, but when anything dies, even something you dislike, a period of grieving is in order—even when pain slips back into the darkness to be vanquished by the light of understanding. Be strong today. You and your psychological health are worth it.


***
Check out my new book: (New Promo YouTube Video—important for all GLBT friends: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4yGU-MVCtQ ) Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior: http://www.amazon.com/Uncommon-Gay-Spiritual-Warrior-Authentic-ebook/dp/B00KPIVOIY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1401708367&sr=8-1&keywords=uncommon+gay+spiritual+warrior .

I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.
Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also a self-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=finding%20authentic%20you&sprefix=finding+%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afinding%20authentic%20you


Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.

Merging Business with Successful Relationships #relationshipadvice #businessandpleasure #drphil #homebusinesses #neurium

Merging Business with Successful Relationships
 #relationshipadvice #businessandpleasure #drphil #homebusinesses #neurium

Dr. Phils says, “Interpersonal conflict often arises when one of two parties doesn’t feel valued, appreciated or respected.” I believe this can be the case when business mixes with pleasure in any kind of relationship, especially intimate ones and friendships.

I once was married to a man for eight years who worked from home as an artist, while I worked from home, as well. I took on the responsibility of being his art manager, as he was a great painter, but not such a good market manager. Suddenly, lines began to blur and our relationship was also a business. Looking back, I’m not sure if that was such a good idea to help him, but you do what you need to do to make relationships work. He, also, wasn’t so great at sharing responsibilities in the house. In many ways marriage can be like dealing with a business, especially where money is concerned. So, when one person does all the managing work such as cleaning, paying the bills and cooking, I guarantee that person will feel resentful and unheard.

In interpersonal friendships, lines blur when we invite friends into business situations. A good example of this is when a great friend asks you to take part in a home business adventures such as Amway, Avon, Travel International, Mary Kay, Neurium, energy drinks, telephone long distance plans, you name it. I think I’ve had an experience with a friend asking me to join all of the above. I, inevitably, have to stop a friend now in her tracks and say, “I have been down this road with a friend, and I really don’t want this to mess up our relationship. But, I can’t do this for you!”

With some really good friends, this was difficult. When up-line sponsors teach down-line sellers to get new people to buy into the business, they teach them business tricks. One of these tricks is to mention you have an “opportunity” you want to share, but not mention the name of the business. However, these tricks feel deceptive to friends when placed in situations that look as if they need reciprocity. For instance, a friend invites you to dinner. He pays. Then, mid-meal, he starts sharing about his new business venture that has made so many people money. You suddenly feel as if you must return the favor of dinner for listening to the speal, much like going on a “free” vacation, only to get roped into contracting for a vacation week to the Bahamas once a year.

Honestly, the hardest part of being in self-made business is having to place your friends in the position of helping you get your business or your art into the hands of people who will pay the bills. It’s just good marketing to start with the people who love and support you most to help spread the good news of your business. It’s sometimes demeaning and often brings self-loathing, though, to the business owner. I have known of many clients who have come to me with a loss of self-esteem because of so many refusals in a sales position, especially among friends and family. Salesmen have to have thick skin, but you don’t imagine that having a home business would require that same cavalier attitude.

I have always hated to market myself. But, I learned that if I was going to be in business for myself, then it was eminent that I get over the marketing part. Some friends walk away and feel offended when I talk about hypnosis or life coaching. Others asks and stay around, because they understand and want to support me. Anyone’s hope is that no one walks away when, for instance, you ask any them to take a look at your new book. You have spent almost three long years creating 650 pages of so much needed advice about relationships, spirituality, and health. At this point, you would give it away, if you could. But you have bills to pay too. So, the expectation is that people who love you will buy it, whether they will read it or not. I know, because I have a bookshelf and a drawer of music and literature I’ve bought and never used. Some I have tried. Others, I simply bought knowing I would never partake because of style or genre.

So, I’ve said all this to introduce you to that new book below, the one I shared about above, so useful to anyone on a journey for to a better you!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1493679309/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=

Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

I have to be honest with you. I used that age-old marketing scheme, just now, to make my point. So, how do you feel now that I have shared my business venture with you? Do you feel unscathed and happy to help? Or, do you feel as if you have been fooled into buying something you really don’t want or have the money for? The hope of any friend, is that you will help. No one wants to bother you and force you into anything. But with friendship, expectation follows, just the same as with your intimate partner not participating in something important to you.

My mom bought my book yesterday. She barely has the money for her medicine every month. But she insisted. She wanted to help me get the sales going. You don’t know how much that meant to me, because most people believe that others will help and simply move on from the situation without reaching out to help a friend make something big happen.

When a product goes viral like Taylor Swift or Topsy Turvy, usually, the reason is that more than a few friends realized that their friend’s product was awesome, so they shared it with other friends. Yes, the product must be wonderful and useful for this to happen. But the concept is the same for anything, which is why I have a load of unread book and unused CDs from friends who reached out for help.

Help a friend today realize his or her dream. You’ll feel better about creating your own dream as you do, I assure you.

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.