Why Do We Keep Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships? #relationshipadvice #psychology #spiritualadvice #lifecoach

Nothing feels more like a failure as when you set out to make a correct, well-thought-out decision. You decide on your intent and a pragmatic schedule of how, when, and where you will embark on your new idea. You even meditate about it, feeling as if you have done your best to decrease the likelihood of failure by taking it to prayer. Yet, often you sit in the same cesspool of tears wondering how you could have made the same exact mistake again—different characters, same plot, new relationship!

Everyday, you laugh at your decreasing desire to even try in relationship. Even opening your heart to one feel as if it takes too much energy. You have found amazing people with hearts of gold, and yet something, somehow, takes the relationship somewhere other than where you desire. You pray and treat for it and believe with all of your heart, defying all of your fear of the anxiety of the past? Yes, yes, and yes again.

Once again, though, you find yourself standing at the grave of yet another relationship that has morphed into a beautiful friendship, but not the intimate one you prayed for. What is left to do but release and let go?

This morning, as I meditated, I used a mantra that a psychologist and minister gave me two years ago:

“Relationship is what it is, not what I make of it.”

Personally, I have NOT lost hope that a loving, long-abiding, intimate relationship could happen for me. How and from where, I have no idea. I simply know this much:

1. I am open to it.
2. When I see it, I will know the right questions to ask so that I won’t make the same mistakes again.
3. I will follow the path to intimacy slowly, despite any sexual desire.
4. I will become friends and prayer partners before I miss the opportunity, and the relationship flows into a dream space of loving intimacy that seems to block out all sense.

Relationship is, at best, the hardest human conundrum. The reason this is so is because it takes more than just 100% of your work. It relies on 100% of someone else’s work, which you cannot—even if you try—control. If you are comfortable with the idea that you must control every part of your life, the likelihood of right relationship happening for you is probably not going to happen very soon. My best friends and family who are in relationship all suffer from the same problems as single people do, interestingly enough, loneliness, anger, desperation, and intimacy issues, as well.

No one person can solve your intimate problems. You must get comfortable with yourself, love spending time with you, and cherish and honor the peace that “no relationship” offers at this point in your life. Peace over drama wins every time.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in May or June of 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Arco Iris: A Rainbow of Promise #rainbow #DivineMind #ScienceofMind #SOM #SpiritualLiving

Yesterday, I had a date with someone new—again! It was an initial date for coffee. Blah! Blah! Blah! On my way to the date, I felt sleepy, nauseous, and downright unwilling to open my heart to one more bad dating experience.

However, just as I was thinking the thought, I saw the most beautiful rainbow (Arco Iris in Spanish) begin from one end of Fort Lauderdale to the other side of Hollywood, from the ground, arc over the city, and then to the ground on the other side. Half of the arch in Hollywood even had a double rainbow.

I could not stop taking pictures of the rainbow. I wanted to capture the entirety of it from end to the other. Then I realized I, by taking pictures, I was missing the beauty. So, I sat there in complete awe trying to allow my heart to absorb all of the energy it held for me. Honestly, I had never seen a rainbow anywhere quite like this one. The colors were majestic from one side to the other. And it stayed in the sky for at least 10 minutes while I was driving.

In those moments, I began to thank the man who had invited me to coffee. Not for the date, of course, but I thanked him for getting me to that place on the highway to see this majestic, spiritual painting in the sky. For me, rainbows have always appeared in times when I needed a kick in the butt to help me remember that a divine promise exists in the entire universe for wholeness, truth, peace, and all of the prosperity I could ever want. The only obstacle to any of these things is my own mind and the strength I give the manifestations of my past. Before that moment, many manifestations of my past collected in my mind.

I went to the destination of my date, a Starbucks—of course, on Sunrise Boulevard. I sat in my car waiting for my date to answer a text for 15 minutes and was just about to leave, when I finally received a text back from the date. His movie had gotten out later than he had expected and he had his phone on silent. So, we met, had a nice talk, ended up sharing dinner and, also, decided to meet again today for a walk on the beach. Who knows.

But, and here is the big butt! I refuse to put any limitations on the present—today. I owe this feeling to the experience that I had last night with the rainbow. No matter where the experience takes me with this date, or any date for that matter, the lesson was learned.

Thank you God for my personal rainbow and for promises!

***

Are you an INSOMNIAC? Take the time today to investigate your issue with sleep. I’ve been working with sleep disorders for 25 years. I’d be happy to help you through some of your issues with clinical hypnosis and life coaching. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

It’s Your Room! #jobinterview #auditioning #psychology #takingaction

I had a teacher a while back who told me, before you enter a room, say to yourself: “This is my room! I own it!

As I have tried this exercise with and without the affirmation, I could see that as I told myself that the room was mine, I observed that people’s head turned. I believe the reason is not because I think I’m anything special, but because I decided to be present and let my light shine. Your energetic anointing can change the atmosphere of any place you enter. We all have something special to bring to the room. Even if you don’t believe this about yourself, try the exercise anyway. I’m sure you will be convinced that trusting that you are made in the image and likeness of Spirit’s energy, which is perfection, will help you get your mind off of self-deprecating and shy thoughts that might keep you from being all that you are meant to be today and shining that BRIGHT LIGHT.

 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on PHONE, SKYPE and FACETIME all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You #relationship #relationshipsadvice #dating

“I’ll never love you as much as you love me,” was once said to a man who doted, romanticized, and practically worshipped a woman who could never love him back. He answered with compassion, “You don’t understand, precious one. The love I have for you is mine and mine alone. To feel your presence in my life brings great joy. My love has no expectations.” To that, the woman had no response, but to accept the situation.

When you listen to this story, you realize that our search for love is really a desire for a feeling, not a person, usually. And the feeling is ours to possess. If we have experienced love in the past, we may just want the feeling of a past relationship again, because loving someone felt joyful and wonderful at one time. When we begin to expect a return from love’s investment is when we experience pain and remorse. So, how is it possible to give unconditional love when reciprocity is usually a prerequisite, especially in romantic love?

I may have shared with you before that my mantra for the past year has been, “Relationships are what they are, not what I make of them!” When I speak this phrase as an affirmation, I begin to convince myself that love will unfold if it is there, in me, and hopefully in someone else.

However, I understand that what has been in my way for much of my life is the expectation that the trust and hope and security of an old eight-year relationship will somehow magically appear in the dating process of someone new. Every step of the way, as I date new people, I must realize that my movement toward love should stay steady, forward, and nonresistant. When someone shares that he is not ready for a relationship or would rather be friends, the relationship tells me what direction I need to go.

If I don’t listen and have already made up my mind about the relationship, I will grieve the loss of my dream, not the loss of the person. This is the most important fact to remember as you date, which ultimately leads to uncovering wounded parts of your tender heart.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

A Lot Like Me #relationshipadvice

Do you find that you are more attracted to people who are like you or people who are different than you? Do you attract people who are different than you for relationships, but for friendships attract people who are more like you?

I have friends and acquaintances that are of every ilk, nationality, age, height, weight, and color. But, when I look at the intimate relationships I have had in my life, my list reads like a paint strip at Home Depot that has one color with five varying, similar shades.

I think the answer lies somewhere in the knowledge of how much you actually have changed your old story and worked on yourself to become a better person. If you like who you’ve become, you may want to look for the same attributes that have made you personally stronger, instead of someone who is vastly different.

Most psychology believes that we often attract, as our personal relationships, those who mirror people we have had bad relationships with, so that we can heal those old relationship with the new person. Even though our initial response may be on an unconscious level, we still are able to check in with ourselves as we become more aware of the types and attachment styles of those we date. We must see if whom we are attracted to presently are people who mirror abusers or people who love us unconditionally. This is the difference between trusting the work you have done on yourself and believing you are still living in the same old story!

When you meet someone through a dating site, the computer has already done most of the vetting for you. You must really read the biographies, though, and decide if a person is even worth a response. When I seek a certain kind of monogamous, spiritually and psychologically healthy individual who is securely attached, the ratio of likes to dislikes changes vastly. Again, read the biographies. People are apt to write somewhere in their bios something that really tells who that person is. If they don’t, you need to ask the right questions to tell who this person is before you ever go out on a date. Attraction can sometimes overwhelm you. You may end up entering into a sexual relationship with someone who is wrong for you, which is likely to hurt you in the end.

With intimate relationships, we often look for a chemical attraction, first. So, the likelihood of finding authentic and loving relationship is much more difficult. I don’t know that any of us can change responding from attraction, but altering our plan to include people who are more psychologically ready for relationship happens at these initial stages, especially with this new craze of Internet dating. But, that doesn’t mean denying a physical attraction completely. I have had friends who have opted to go for the mate who they weren’t so attracted to, but had a great friendship with, only to tell me that they have no sex life now. They are happy in all other ways, but have no intimacy in their lives. But, isn’t intimacy what is the difference between a friend and a mate?

So, we are back to our initial idea. Do we attract someone like us or different than us? When I put all qualities aside, I’ve realized that maybe it’s time to start trusting my gut reactions again. For a long time I didn’t trust myself, because I had picked from the same lot over and over again, with the same results.

But, I’m a different, more secure, healthier individual now. My heart definitely leans towards the loving compassionate person, rather than the person I can’t possibly get, but desire to do everything in my power to change his opinion of me (my old story). I believe, the difference in my dating experience could be that, as I have worked on myself to be a better individual and to change my personal needs to attract the right and perfect person, I should trust my gut to know who is right and who needs to stay in the dating pool.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! --Bo

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

What I Don’t Know About You #dating #relationshipadvice

The dating experience is an anomaly. When you think you have really figured out people, then, you realize you know nothing about anyone. Almost everyone has about three layers hidden beneath the surface, especially when first meeting you. Friendships are similar. Most people, decidedly, try to make their best impression, first. Then, along the way, you begin to see what is hidden underneath.

Case and point: I went out with a dude whom I had been talking to online for about three weeks. In his bio, he was this intellectual, spiritual person, very handsome, as well. Even when we met, we resonated on all those levels. However, when he sent a text message the next day he said, “I’m sorry that you’re not Latino. I am trying to be attracted to handsome men, other than Latinos, but my truth is that I’m just not! I’m sure you’ll find a nice guy!”

So, I’m thinking to myself, why didn’t you tell me that spiritual insight upfront. Why use me as your guinea pig experiment? What if people said, up front, what was really going on? Would we still take the time to date them? I wonder.

Say for instance, this same man talked to me on the phone, and in one of our conversations, he said, “Hey, I just want to tell you that usually I’m only attracted to Latin men. I think you’re really handsome. My heart feels like I’m stuck in a paradigm I want to change. I just want you to know, up front, that this is the case.” Would I still have gone out with him? Probably. But I would have had my head in another place—more in a friendship place, than in a romantic place, which would have left me feeling better after the text, for sure.

The second issue with layers is that he said, “This is my truth!” But, what would have been more appropriate to say is: “This is my attachment… and I’m not sure why!” Then, we both could have set out on a course to uncover the reason he couldn’t look past the physical to the internal, especially, if he truly was attracted, as he said he was. That, of course, I don’t know, either. Dating, again, crazy stuff!

What we don’t see in almost everyone we date is his level of attachment problems and issues. Generally, a securely attached individual presents in a way that is very casual and open, almost transparent. But, most people are adept at covering up the problem areas of their lives with a classic veneer of kindness and interest.

I went out with a guy who had a six-month-0ld boy. He was completely upfront about his life. “It’s hectic. I’m probably going to bring my child with me to our date. But, it should be okay. Six thirty is usually his sleeping time.” This guy was very nice, but had a kind of bitchy bite about him.

He shared that most men don’t want to date him because of the child, but I think it had more to do with him and his negative outlook on life. Again, layers of attachment he revealed about going to ministerial school and growing Baptist, only to discover he was gay and God would send him to hell. This caused a very negative undertone in everything he said, at least, for me.

While we were at dinner, about twelve gay men came over to the baby and cooed and goo-ed. I’d imagine he could find another man who would want to have a small family, too. But, this situation is much like a woman with children trying to find a man who wants a ready-made family. They are few and far between. But, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t available men out there wanting the same as you. The dating pool will just be smaller.

Today, be aware that what you see on the outside of a person, in his/her words and actions, may not be the person that is lurking within. Also, what we present as individuals on the first meet up should be our authentic self, even if it means revealing something, perhaps, a little different or negative. Should this make us pessimistic about life and dating? I hope not! My desire is to make the dating experience more real.

***

These two books, found on any online bookstore, are companion books, with daily reading to help you discover your own, unique spiritual path, and also learn a lot more about other people and relationships.

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

REALLY, GOD, I'M WILLING TO LEARN THIS LESSON! #relationship #dating #relationshipadvice

REALLY, GOD, I'M WILLING TO LEARN THIS LESSON!
#relationship #dating #relationshipadvice

The past few days, a river of tears have flowed through me—a delayed vessel, waiting for take-off orders. My plane will ascend to my next stop when it’s filled with fuel, emptied of the last flight’s luggage, and properly cleaned from the mess that the recent passengers have left. I feel somewhat comfortable with that concept, though, my human self gets antsy waiting for my new journey. This is interesting, because I have little idea of what I’ll be doing when I get to Florida.

I have been dreaming about things I want to do, but have made no solid plan; which is completely unlike me. I am the person for 20 years who would take 2 weeks off every January to make a prospectus for the next year. This is probably why I have written 13 books, recorded 6 healing CDs and video taped and edited one Yoga DVD. I’m tired of the planning and getting only so far. I want to let the wind take me now.

My new destination hold the first time in my life I haven’t had a list of goals waiting to be accomplished. I want this phase to be like a sailboat afloat in the sea, undulating with the waves and carried by the wind.

A client was in my office today. We talked about our similar experience. She, too, is leaving Nashville, to be with family and to get married and have children with her soul mate. My story lacks the latter part, but I can imagine that, too, (the married part) may happen sometime soon. If you are a friend of mine, you know I have a history of dating once and ending up in relationship. I’m just that kind of guy—a serial monogamist, I’ve been told. I like someone and stay focused on that one person until I see if he’s the one.

I was surprised when the last guy I felt like I was sort of dating, (texting 3-4 times a day and Facetiming almost every night for at least 30 minutes—that to me is dating), told me that he wanted to go out on a date with someone else. He asked me if that was okay. I told him it made my stomach sick to think he would be kissing someone else. I was being completely honest and transparent. But, he made the valid point that neither of us were in a place of commitment, yet, so dating other people should be okay.

I have talked to many people about this since my conversation with my dating friend, and people are divided on the subject. Some say that when you find someone you like, you have to give him your complete attention; otherwise, you may miss out on the very thing you have been looking for—commitment. Then, the opposing view is that: by dating a few people at a time, you have the opportunity to see who suits you best.

Really? Are people icon or clothes? Can we really date a few people, try them on, and see who fits best out of the few? What if that person turns out to be a jerk once you commit to him. (This has happened to me before.) Of course, my recent ex turned out to be a jerk after a year of complete commitment and no fights. So, who knows, at this point. I’m willing to learn. “REALLY, GOD, I’M WILLING TO LEARN THIS LESSON.”

For me, when I find security and truth and authenticity in a man, and there is an organic attraction there, I want to find out if the relationship can manifest into something special. Granted, I don’t just fall for people who don’t have the proper prerequisites for relationship. I make sure a person is single, available, relationship-oriented, and gay, before I make this choice. But, as a client once told me who had read the book: Attached. by Amir Levine, I am definitely falling in line with anxious attachment behavior.

I would agree in some part. But, I am also in line with secure behavior, too. The part of me that wants to share my life with someone and is completely transparent is the secure person. The man who is consumed with the idea that somehow a relationship will sweep me away, even when signs tell me otherwise, is the anxious one. So, maybe I could do with a little more conventional dating, and a little less committing.

Does anyone have anything to offer to this conversation from real experience? Have any of you focused on one person and ended up in a successful, long-term relationship? Or what has dating a few people brought you? Is either a choice, or is one a better and a conclusive way to find the person of your dreams? I’m open to suggestions. Write a comment and I’ll follow up when I read them.

***

Check out my new book: (New Promo YouTube Video—important for all GLBT friends (When you go to this link, if you have already seen the promo, look for the discoveries, as I have been posting new discoveries every week on YouTube):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4yGU-MVCtQ ) Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior: http://www.amazon.com/Uncommon-Gay-Spiritual-Warrior-Authentic-ebook/dp/B00KPIVOIY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1401708367&sr=8-1&keywords=uncommon+gay+spiritual+warrior .

I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.

Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also a self-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=finding%20authentic%20you&sprefix=finding+%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afinding%20authentic%20you

Addicted to Love: #relationshipadvice #relationship #dating #butterfly #corrinebaileyrae #theprophet #kahlilgibran

Addicted to Love

#relationshipadvice #relationship #dating #butterfly #corrinebaileyrae #theprophet #kahlilgibran

It haunts us. It draws us with its pheromones. It picks us up and entangles our hearts. It confuses us. And, mostly, it comforts our souls in ways we never expected. Love—intimate love—no matter friendship or sexual partner, we are all wired for it.

Every morning I wake up to the song: “Butterfly,” by Corrine Bailey Rae, as it is set as my alarm tone. The chorus starts with the lyric: “Shower me with your love, shine on me!” I suppose that most people, even those who have hardened their hearts to love, want to have someone close and intimate. Even with my life-coaching clients who say they have had enough of relationship, if the right person came along, 95% of us would consider love.

Ten years ago, after two 8-year relationships and two 2-year relationships, I decided to take my therapist’s advice and extricate myself from the dating pool for a year. I remember the first moments of being alone with myself, with no options to date anymore and no prospective suitors; I tucked myself into my comfy recliner and watched television by myself. Yes, all alone! I remember feeling as if a thousand ants were crawling up my spine. I couldn’t sit still. I sat with my computer on my lap, playing word games, chatted on Facebook with friends, and watched television–all at the same time. I couldn’t find enough stimuli to retract from the need of holding someone special in my arms.

I remember the day the habit of “needing” subsided. After much therapy about why I had been addicted to love for so long and admittedly a natural monogamist, I realized that alone wasn’t such a bad place to be. I began to feel the comfort of my own skin and my own mind. I heard myself say, “Wow, I get to make all my own decisions. I don’t have to consider anyone else, but me, right now. How wonderful!” And, after growing up caring for 5 siblings and a father, cooking meals, cleaning, making lunches, and then moving on to the next stage, which was dating; I threw myself into relationship after relationship, never really being satisfied, never really taking care of the deep wound in my soul that could never be medicated with love.

I needed a spiritual experience and a healing, psychological event to help me feel whole inside, first, before I decided to invite another person into my life. The passageway to feeling whole was narrow. Not many warriors seek to find one’s own strength, before he or she begins relating on an intimate level, which is always good protocol for anyone seeking love. If you don’t know yourself and love yourself, then you will ultimately blend into someone else’s persona and, eventually, disappear completely. Once that happens, you will begin to feel angry and unseen in the relationship, because you are no longer an individual, but a dependent part of the whole.

The author Kahlil Gibran in “The Prophet” says it best:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup… sing and dance together, but let each one of you be alone.”

***
Check out my new book: (New Promo YouTube Video—important for all GLBT friends: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4yGU-MVCtQ ) Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior: http://www.amazon.com/Uncommon-Gay-Spiritual-Warrior-Authentic-ebook/dp/B00KPIVOIY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1401708367&sr=8-1&keywords=uncommon+gay+spiritual+warrior .

I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.

Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also a self-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=finding%20authentic%20you&sprefix=finding+%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afinding%20authentic%20you


Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.

If ____ Be for Me, Who Can Be Against Me? #relationship #relationshipadvice #resolvingthepast #gaydating

If ____ Be for Me, Who Can Be Against Me?
#relationship #relationshipadvice #resolvingthepast #gaydating

Yesterday, I faced one of the biggest struggles of my life, like a lion. For that, I’m very proud. I write about facing the past, but don’t often get the chance to surge into my own subconscious with equal amounts of anger and compassion to destroys the demons of old. As I waited for the moments that transpired, I kept repeating to myself: “If God be for me; who can be against me?

We decided to meet at a neutral place, a semi-quiet area, in a booth at 5:30 P.M. before the dinner rush happened at a large restaurant chain. This wasn’t my favorite choice, but it was the only choice he would agree to. Fortunately, he was correct. We were only two of about 10 people in the entire restaurant, so I felt comfortable revealing my pain back in a dark corner, where security and trust seemed to bode.

He sat someone what nervously and agitated. I had coaxed him to meet me by a quiet, but strong undertone of needing his advice and encouragement as a minister, before I left on my new adventure and life in Florida. He is a strong and masculine man, beard thicker than a bear; a coarse, dark full head of hair; small age lines around his eyes, dignifying him as one who has seen life, but not been swept away by it; and perfectly fit, as one who is trying to be single, even though he is still married. He asked me random questions about my life, searching somewhat anxiously to figure out why I had invited the man who courted me like a Casanova until I was putty in his hands, then dumped me, because he felt that he would, as he said, “fall in love and wasn’t ready to, because he still had a family and life to deal with.”

I actually understood his premise. He told me about his wife and children on our first day, but said that he and his wife hadn’t slept together for 8 years, lived separate lives for the children’s sake, and was planning to divorce her. So, in a gay world where available men are hard to find, you sometimes pick from the vine when the fruit is slightly under-ripe. In this case, I had realized my big mistake, but a little too late. I have had the experience a few too many times to be making the same mistake again. However, we had only had three wonderful dates, but he was right, I was already smitten, but for all the wrong reasons.
You see, what I realized when I confronted him with the reason for my extreme anger with him when he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, was not because I was furious at him, but because I was angry with myself. I wasn’t just mad, but frustrated that I kept following the same path, round and round, like the children of Israel in the desert, and kept reaching the same place—pain. So, I asked him to meet me so that I could share my truth and ask him to listen, because the need to be heard and understood was probably the underlying, unresolved problem in my mind.
To my great pleasure, he sat quietly and listened with compassion as tears rolled down my face. I shared three stories about men who had abandoned me in the past. My first story was about my father, the archetype for the pain, then two other guys who fell in love with me when they were still married, but insisted that they were would be out of their marriage, but never did go.

When I was finished, he didn’t reach across the table with his strong hand that still showed his wedding ring, which I’d never seen before. No, he folded his hands in his lap and said, “Thank you for telling me your story. I can certainly see why you reacted the way you did when I told you I couldn’t see you anymore. You see, the reason I said that was because, after a long conversation with myself and my therapist, I realized that I couldn’t move into relationship with someone like you until I had resolved all the issues in my life. I can’t just have sex with someone. I am wired for relationship. I was on the road to hurting you and probably hurting my family too. So, I had to make the hard choice of leaving the situation before it was too late.” (Unfortunately, his timing was too late. He should have stopped before he started.)

In that moment, I felt a rush of healing flush over my body. My anger turned into compassion, mostly for myself. I had realized my actions didn’t take much to resolve my pain, just one tiny step forward holding the passion of enough anger to get me across the finish line. I’m certain that if you face your fears, as I had done yesterday, that your past will begin to resolve itself. Yes, you will feel sadness and maybe tears, but when anything dies, even something you dislike, a period of grieving is in order—even when pain slips back into the darkness to be vanquished by the light of understanding. Be strong today. You and your psychological health are worth it.


***
Check out my new book: (New Promo YouTube Video—important for all GLBT friends: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4yGU-MVCtQ ) Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior: http://www.amazon.com/Uncommon-Gay-Spiritual-Warrior-Authentic-ebook/dp/B00KPIVOIY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1401708367&sr=8-1&keywords=uncommon+gay+spiritual+warrior .

I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyoupublishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.
Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also a self-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping get this book and all of my media below into the right hands, helping the right hearts.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=finding%20authentic%20you&sprefix=finding+%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afinding%20authentic%20you


Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.

GREAT EXPECTATION: What Do I Expect From Relationship #relationshipadvice #dating #divorce

GREAT EXPECTATION: What Do I Expect From Relationship
#relationshipadvice #dating #divorce

I once was lost, but now I’m found! “I have ABSOLUTELY NO expectations about life and relationships!” Yeah, right, tell me something that I really can accomplish in this life time!

We all have expectations about relationships. Don’t tell me you think you don’t. We all go past GO directly to our primary desire: I want someone to keep me company; I want a sexual relationship, I want an intimate, monogamous relationship, a want a once a week date; or I want a fling. Pick one! It doesn’t matter which you pick, you still end up with expectations. The trick to life and relationship is to find someone who wants exactly (or nearly) what you want. And how, pray tell, do I make that happen, with a magic wand?

Well, it’s much easier than magic, these days. In the olden days, when I was just a pup, you actually had to meet someone in person and figure out if you had the same idea about relationships. Now, in the present Internet Dating era, all you have to do is type out what you want “once,” and, hopefully, the people reading your profile will be able to understand what you wrote. Trust me, though, comprehension may even be a stretch sometimes. I remember a few instances I have written in an online profile, “I am only interested in someone who is ready for relationship!!!” Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.

So, the first few responses were: “Do you want to hook up?” “Send me a naked picture!” “How big is your… ?” The last response is the most annoying, especially when you are talking about seriously being interested in love. Who really cares how big it is?

I ingenuously wrote back to all annoying comments, “Can you read?”

Online dating may be one of the few options that actually brings results these days, though, for me, it has brought one- to two-year relationships that have ended either abruptly or without answers. Should I begin to think, as most of my friends, that having a lot of good friends and an occasional sexual partner is about the best that this dating scene gets?

I’m actually visiting a friend with a 23-year-old son who is seriously considering marriage. His ideas about love and romance are so grandiose. When his father and I have been in and out of relationships far too many times to count, the juxtaposition is incredible. I want to tell him that I hope and pray his relationship will be everything he dreams it will be. Maybe it will.  But, being on my side of the life-coaching couch, I hear far too many stories of misbegotten dreams and ill-gotten relationships to think that there is any reality in happily ever after.

Yet, I have to tell you, I still dream of meeting that one person who changes all my pessimism to an optimistic believer in love and romance. If you are one of those people who really wants to find love, but has been completely remiss in finding it, cheer up. You are in the company of millions of intelligent and wonderful people who just can’t seem to find the right person.

For women, I wrote a book called: Your Gay Friend’s Guide to Understanding Men, all about finding a straight guy. For anyone, though, finding love is mostly about Finding Authentic You, which is the name of my new book and self guide, meant to help you uncover the most distinct you, unlock all of your negative thinking, and help you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship is a fairly easy task.

Listen, I really need your help to buy my new book (below) and share it with friends. No project in this world launches without a community of people who value its importance. This is why I have made it $2.99 for the download version.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping me make this book be a Bestseller.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1493679309/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=

Finding Authentic You: With 365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.