The
Phoenix
Most humans learn the majority of
their lessons from either personal or social relationships. When people get
close to you, they force you to change in ways, sometimes, you rebel against
and sometimes you relinquish your resistance and flow with the current. The
death and rebirth of the phoenix can give us some insight into our changing
beliefs.
I had always thought that the
phoenix had to die before it could rise again. But apparently, by its
definition in Wikipedia, I was completely wrong. The phoenix rises from the
ashes of its predecessor. This would be more like the life of the Dalai Lama
who is reborn when the last residing Dalai Lama passes away.
As with everything in my life, I
think about the metaphor this serves in our daily lives. What exactly have we lain
down in our relationships, and then picked back up to find it regenerated in a
new liberated way of thought?
I remember a time when I thought
that the only way someone should be intimate sexually is while in the bond of marriage.
This was law to me as I had a traditional Christian background. (As always, I
never judge anything or anybody by what he/she believes. If it suits you
authentically, then you must be driven by your heart to do that very thing.)
In my early twenties I had a platonic
girlfriend with whom I shared my feelings of love. She saw me as only a friend,
but I saw her as my life partner. I also sincerely believed that God saw us as
partners too. So, I spent almost two years trying to prove to her that we would
be the right mates.
We were best friends, and I was
extremely attracted to her. But the whole process of not being able to be
intimate also fit into the idea of wrestling with my gay feelings. Then, I
believed that being gay was a sin. I tried very hard to overcome the innate
desires of being attracted to men. I felt that if I met a woman who felt the
same about intimacy as I did, I had a great deal of time to court her without
having to be afraid that sexuality would be a difficult hurtle to jump.
At long last, my gal friend went
on tour with a bus and truck version of some Broadway musical. She met the
stage manager, got engaged and eventually married. I have seen her a couple
times since then, but I had long since dropped the idea that she was my mate. In
fact, over the next few years I began to embrace who I was sexually and started
to find a spiritual path that would accept me exactly as I was.
It took me many years to get over
the idea that God didn’t hate me for being gay or being different than what
society called normal. I have to admit, the day of liberation from those
thoughts was the most freeing day of my life. To feel condemned by your sexual
desire is one of the worst burdens any man or woman can carry, especially when
it’s coupled with a spiritual believe that you are condemned to an eternal life
of damnation.
So, laying that believe down to
be regenerated was wonderful. Today I find that I have a similar belief about
relationship and sexuality, though, that has risen out of this old belief. My
belief in gay relationships, though most are not traditional in any sense of
the word, is very monogamous. I also feel that it would be best for me to
embrace love and sexuality as one unit. As you can see by my explanation of my
belief, marriage is not in the quotient—mostly because it is illegal in my
state. But, there is no denying that intimacy feels safest to me when I look at
it with my regenerated belief of old. From the ashes of the Phoenix, I have
built a new belief about relationships that works for me. I hold fast to it,
though it is hard, as gay men tend to bend toward sexual intimacy far faster
than our heterosexual counterparts.
How many beliefs in your life
have gone through life’s threshing floor only to come out later on in your life
as something new and regenerated? Take some time today to see if, perhaps, something
you used to believe in still may have pertinence in your life if it were
reframed and consistent with how you believe today. You may be surprised at
what you revive from the ashes.
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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