Waiting for Approval #approval #spiritualadvice #personalpower #newthought

Everyone hates rejection. Coming in a close second is the feeling of maybe being rejected and maybe being approved. How many of you have applied for something (loan, school, jobs) and spent the next month anxiously anticipating if you were good enough, right enough, liquid enough, or adequate enough to receive that letter of approval?

I have experienced this feeling a thousand times. If you are an artist, writer, actor, or in any area of the arts in which you have to be judged or auditioned to receive jobs, you probably experience this feeling almost every day. The subconscious reason I chose some of my careers is to get over my fear of rejection. At this point, I’m almost able to release my fears to the greater good and relinquish the idea that I have any kind of mental or physical power to turn the tide in my direction.

Your only job and my only job is to do your part in the creative process: plant the seed, stay positive, and continue to move forward on a path of growth. All else is up to the Powers that Be. I don’t need to name what these powers are, because they really have no name. You can call your personal idea of power and source anything you want. You can even call it luck. However, what you can’t do is manipulate it.

Almost every fear comes down to this one ugly idea: rejection. If you have been adopted at birth, had rough beginnings with parents or guardians, were an outcast or different as a child, you probably experiences more of these feelings than most people.

These kinds of rejection feelings come from a deep feeling of abandonment, an empty space never filled by love at the beginning stages of life. This is called Anxious Attachment. This anxiousness is one reason you get in relationships too quickly or at the first sign of someone wanting or approving in you. Then, you only find out later that this person—who says he or she loves you—is actually a narcissist, or worse, a hateful letch who has gracefully discerned your neediness only to abuse it.

This happens more than you can possibly imagine. In my Life Coaching business, I see people who have Anxious Attachment Disorder and have been in a string of horrible relationships. They come to me to get out of their desperate attempt to fill a gaping hole that never seems to be able to attain enough love. I get it. I’m the poster child for this kind of behavior. I’m also here to tell you there are answers and there are ways to get over this gnawing, aching feeling.

The story of your life, everything you embark upon in the future, choose from now on, and even eliminate in your life starts in your mind. The mind is a powerful source of energy. (Noticed I didn’t say brain. The Mind and the brain are two very difference sources.)

The brain is the processor of thought. The Mind is All Creative Thought in you and in the universe. When we tap into the Creative Mind in our quiet and contemplative times, we experience a complete download of loving, peaceful, and powerful ideas that can lead us to our human purpose and ultimately to joy and peace.

You can learn more about “anxious attachment” and “releasing the past” simply by searching for these two strings in the search box in the upper right hand corner of this page.

****

My new book is coming out in just one month: “Your New Story, Your New Life” The Metaphysical Mind. If you want to be the first to read this story, sign up for the launch mailing list at mailto:BoSebastian5@gmail.com.

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

WHEN YOU PRAY: Believe that You Have… and You Shall Receive! #spiritualprincipal #divineMind #SOM #Christmas

The Master Teacher, Jesus, taught us “to pray, believing that we have, and THEN, we shall receive.” The word shall does not mean immediately. It denotes the future. He specifically does not say, when you pray you will receive what you want right then.

So, saying what you need is Step 1. Believing is Step 2. And then, waiting for God, is Step 3.

Why is it that we wait for everything in life: our pay checks, plants to grow, fruit to ripen, relationships to develop, but we have trouble believing in the one consistent message of Jesus: Wait upon the Lord?

We are a race of anxious people. We have a Santa-Claus mentality when it comes to receiving our good. Not many people are willing to work for… or wait for… anything in this world. Remember the days when you wrote a letter? You would have to wait for the receiver to get the letter, write back to you, then for the mail to deliver the letter.

One bit of communication could take three weeks. Where now, all we do is open our cell devices, send a message to any part of the world, and we immediately get answers. When we don’t receive with immediacy, often we move on, barely ever wanting to wait for anyone or any reward. What kind of people are becoming and are we raising our children to be?

I know with certainty that we cannot stop how quickly the world is moving toward fast-paced communication, but for important things that we know must take time and faith, we also must learn a different methodology for our desires. This method is called prayer and faith, the method of Jesus!

For instance, if you want a loving relationship, you may need to wait for the right person to come along. Moving through fifteen different on-line dating sites, still, will not manifest the person you are meant to love fully. But, if you insist on trying so hard, because of your anxious need to be fulfilled; you will, indeed, find someone—but, perhaps, not the someone you have prayed for. This kind of anxious behavior may be manifesting from Anxious Attachment Disorder, which resulted from a strong need to bond with a loving parent as a child.

But, instead of working through this issue now clinically with a professional, we circumvent traditional ways of change to get what we need right now. I wonder how this will manifest in the long run.

My suggestion is that you balance your immediate lives with some contemplation and meditation each day, so that you can observe yourself and your decisions and rectify those places in your life that you control or manipulate.

A contemplative life, will also let you know when you need to wait for God, because you listen to your thoughts and to your body in a consistent way. Also, too, you will develop a stronger spiritual connection, which will give you peace when you make decisions that support your loving life.

****

This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in January)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in January 2016!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

ORGANIZE MY LIFE! #Organizemylife #DivineMind #ScienceofMind #SpiritualLiving

Someone told me that whenever I am stuck or depressed, ask myself a question that I know would have a positive answer.

My question this morning was: “How can I effectively continue to manage my life, but, also, let go of the nagging control of the outcome of everything I do?” This, of course, is to avoid an anxious attachment to the outcome.

This is what I know: A week ago, a very old friend of mine posted a picture on Facebook. She was in the hospital emergency room and clearly in pain. I responded to the post, but made a mental note to continue to check in on her page to see about her recovery.

Three days later, I saw another picture of her looking restored and well. As I began to type my response to her, I saw a familiar face above my response line. Could it be? Is this my old friend from 28 years ago?

Alas, this was, indeed, Lorraine. I contacted her from that response. She immediately called me. She said that her mother and aunt had become ill and that she was coming to South Florida in three days. Would I be available?

I began to think about the synchronicity involved in discovering her picture, my other friend getting sick, seeing the post, even though I have 5000 friends and see about 1/100th of the posts I would like to see.

Three days later, as Lorraine and I we were talking and sharing at a Starbucks in the lobby of the hospital, I realized how absolutely pertinent my presence and her presence were to that moment. I recognized the sovereign power of God in organizing the intricate weave of our lives to create that incredible and deliberate moment.

So, how much easier is it for to answer my initial question now? I can avoid trying to control the anxiousness about the outcome of every audition and every idea in life by simply realizing that the same Power that organizes the universe… the same Mind that created humanity and keeps the planets circling the sun… the same Mind that brought me to this moment safely… graciously shares this Mind with me.

This same creative power of Mind that takes care of growing the plant after I sow the seed, also knows every pathway to my greatest success!

To add to this, Ernest Holmes writes:

When we plant a seed in the ground, we do not have a great sensation, and it is not probable that the soil has any sensation either; but the seed planted in the creative soil will, nevertheless, produce a plant. “What is true on one plane is true on all.” Know what you are doing, just as definitely as the gardener does!

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Learning to Sleep Alone #Sensory Defensiveness #Self #selfcare #spiritualadvice #anxiousattachment

Sensory Defensiveness is a condition that causes individuals to be overly sensitive to touch, sound, smells, light, and ultimately a little more sensitive socially, as a result. I was diagnosed with this condition soon after a break-up with a partner who insisted I go shopping in musty antique stores. When I would get weak and needed to sit after 30 minutes, he suspected I was faking something, so that I wouldn’t have to go with him on his antique excursions. I couldn’t convince him, otherwise.

Eventually, he broke up with me because he felt as if I put no effort into his interests. I couldn’t argue with him. If what your partner does affects your health, adversely, you probably will eventually stop trying. So, I broke with a man who treated me the best of any of my partners in the past, because of an illness. Soon after, I got the diagnosis. One of the books I was asked to read was “Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Over-stimulating” by Sharon Heller. By then, the ex was already in another relationship. 

As I began the discovery of how to treat my over-sensitivity, I realized that the disease I had was a form of adult autism; albeit, a mild one, autism, nonetheless. This diagnosis is much more prevalent in young children, because it expresses as only eating one or two kinds of food, resistance to crowds and socialization, and headaches. As a child, I stayed inside mostly, because sports hurt my body, and I was allergic to just about everything outside. I went to bed hungry a lot of time, because I couldn’t and wouldn’t eat what was served at the dinner table. (In those days, parents didn’t consider physical conditions. They just thought you were obstinate.) Eventually, my parents realized that I really couldn’t eat some of the food they offered without vomiting.

Everyone knew something was different about me from a very young age, but I didn’t know what. Kids at school simply thought I was a frail gay boy and made fun of me. As this sensitivity manifested in harsher ways as an adult, I became more frustrated with life, and a bit depressed, because it seemed everyone just thought I was too picky and too sensitive, including friends and lovers—INCLUDING ME!

Some of the ways this affected me as an adult was over-sensitivity to smells like cologne, which instantly gave me a migraine; amplification of pain, so much so that I lived on Aleve; tremendous fatigue in crowded spaces after about 15 minutes; fatigue in groceries stores because of smell; and with my ex, fatigue in dusty places; and sleeplessness, because I felt everything around me—sounds, the touch of the sheets, pains—even more when I relaxed. I also couldn’t be around very bright light without getting a migraine, as well. So, you can imagine how isolated one with this disease begins to feel.

I, also, had no idea there was a name for this disease, until well into my early forties. What a relief to know there was a name, a diagnosis, and ways to treat this over-sensitivity. One of the ways happens to be with weight. For instance, if you have a great deal of pain or are overly sensitive to touch, you can wear ankle weights. What this does is stop the fast firing of the neural pathways of the brain and refocuses this energy toward your feet instead of the area of your body where the pain or sensitive exists.

I bought these body wraps that are filled with sand and very heavy so that I could use them around my neck or on my legs as I sat or slept. This comforted me in much the same way as a hug, or the closeness of another human being, especially during sleep. I discovered that, if I slept with this weight on me (even weighted blankets), I felt as if I was being held all night. Suddenly, I felt secure and certainly not alone.

Last night, as I prepared for bed, I realized that anyone who didn’t know that I had this disease would think I was a total nutcase. I sleep propped up, with a weighted wrap around my neck and over my head, and usually I’m freezing, so I have very soft blankets on me and 2000 count sheets between me and the covers, because of their softness. Wherever I rest my hands has to be completely soft, or I won’t be able to sleep, and I can’t be touching my own body. (Well, now you know why I’m single!)

The truth be told, if someone hugs me while I fall asleep, the pressure of their arms, combined with the feeling of security, creates exactly the same environment of comfort as I created with all of my paraphernalia. So, sleeping alone is not so fun. But, I realized one wonderful thing—I don’t need another person to fall asleep. This is a great lesson for anyone who has anxious attachment issues, has just gone through a break-up, or can’t seem to find the right mate!

Today's featured books are my book on Meditation, Gluten-free cooking, and  “Finding Authentic You.” The last is a book birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll love the 365 daily readings that will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

How Uncomfortable Are You Willing to Get to Learn Something? #theedge #psychology #yourcomfortzone #spiritualgrowth

Once, while in my forties, I dated a 19-year-old boy to experience what it would feel like to be young again. After a few weeks of bumps and bruises from doing things I simply would have never done without someone 20 years younger goading me, I finally, learned my lesson and let go of the relationship. Two weeks after, that same teenager stole his best friend’s car, and I never heard from him again.

Wikihow.com says there are 6 steps to getting out of your comfort zone:

1. Make a fool of yourself;
2. Know that the worst thing that could happen when you try something new is that you might fail;
3. Face your fears;
4. Become comfortable with taking risks;
5. Most of our greatest lessons are learned by either failing or taking risks; and
6. Enjoy the unknown.

I think I may have accomplished all six steps with one month of dating Harry!

Once, I opened my heart to date again after a long stint of fear about getting hurt. (Yes, most of everyone’s hardest lessons are firmly grounded in relationship.) My goal was to forget about the future and simply feel the present without any fear. I felt as if I was a teenager again, experiencing love for the first time. The result, three months later, when the guy decided that he wanted to see other people, was pain that I also hadn’t experienced since my twenties.

Learning lessons takes leaping into the present with all of your body and mind, without regard for the result. However, most often, the end result is painful. At least, in my experience it has been.

Would I change one step that I took for the valuable lessons I had learned? One thing I know for sure about the last dating experience is that I have the capacity to love grandly, which I really didn’t think was in my heart. When the right person comes along, I’ll know—as I take my time getting to know him—that I have within me the tools to commit, cherish, and love greater than I ever had before.

I believe we can use the tools of Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone in all areas of our lives. In business, my risk of moving to a new city, changing businesses, and starting over to pursue my passions has been like living on the precipice of the highest mountain. Though the view is amazing, sometimes fear and trepidation happen when it rains and the wind blows a little too fiercely. Yet, I wouldn’t change one thing about the present. I know what it feels like to live in the precious NOW everyday.

For some who live in fear and anxiety daily, living life in an unchanging world can bring a “sense” of security. But, no one is really safe from an ever-changing world. Change is all around us. The only thing that doesn’t change is change itself. So, you might as well climb out on a limb today and try something new you’ve always wanted to do. Time is a passin’, my friend!

Today's featured book is “The Anxious Attachment of a Gay Man.” It's a book birthed from my own psychological growth from an immature young man who had been wounded from childhood and took his wounds into every relationship. Anxious Attachment is a real psychological diagnosis and this book will help you discover how to move through your anxiety and into a life free of the fear of abandonment! Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: 

Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

"Safe" in Relationship #relationship #relationshipadvice

The word safe would be hard to define if you grew up with abuse and alcoholism, if you didn’t have parents, or you were rocked in a crib by a nurse, once, every four hours. In fact, safe may become “what you know” and not what makes you feel secure, especially in personal relationships. This substitution happens so many times with people who have had trauma in their past. They pick partners who mirror their past, instead of calm the fears of the past.

I have to ask myself the important questions about anyone I date, especially in the first month of dating:

1.) Are you truly happy, or are you trying to make sure someone else is happy?

2.) When this person leaves, do you feel safe in the departure?

3.) Is this someone who nurtures the best in you?

4.) Is this a person who brings out my anxiousness, because of his/her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Addiction, fears, mismanaged time, and a myriad of other small problems that cover up, but not settle, your anxiety?

Recently, I dated a man who was simply stunning to look at. He was loving, kind, compassionate, and seemed spiritual, as well. However, as we got to know each other (about a month into the budding relationship), I noticed signs that maybe I was being drawn into something that could make me slip into my own addiction: Anxious Attachment. One issue, for certain, that stuck out was that he was five years sober. Though five years is great, this doesn’t mean that his issues about addiction were resolved. In fact, it may mean that he is only beginning to work on his problems. This seemed to be the case with this man.

In the past, I have described Anxious Attachment disorder as resulting from the inability or unreliability of one or more of the parents to attach securely as a child. The result is an insecure feeling when the child gets involved with the opposite disorder or in any relationship that pushes that insecure button. So, in dating this man, I realized that I had begun to do what no one should ever do in relationship: I began to placate his many issues by trying to solve them and be a healthy helper.

When I asked the questions from above, I had to be very honest with myself. I was way more interested in “not hurting him or making his problems worsen” than I was trying to find a compatible partner. And, to be honest, I was more interested in thinking about what this man would look like on my arm, than I was thinking about how he felt in my heart.

We have to test the waters of relationship slowly. We can’t jump in headfirst and expect to get a proper perspective. This is why we date, initially. We need to see if character and poise accompany the person to whom we have an initial attraction. If problems start too soon, you will need that space to make a secure decision about whether to continue.

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

Feeling Less than Enough

Anxiety in the form of Anxious Attachment often leads to feelings that we are not enough for someone, not qualified for a job, or even righteous enough to attain a beautiful, loving relationship. The struggle in life to attach to anything that poses as a threat to our own self-esteem is usually the catalyst for Anxious Attachment. This presents as the feeling of being not enough; trying to please someone else, before you tend to your own needs; and a basic fear of abandonment in almost every loving situation.

I learned this lesson in my own life as I once fell head over heals in love with a friend. In every way the friendship was powerful spiritually, mentally, and may have been the best friend I had ever had. However, somewhere in the relating, my mind decided that I needed this man—this friend—to desire me to be his mate. As a result, 50% of my time with this person began to transform into displaying my pretty feathers like a peacock would before he mates. When I wasn’t with him, my mind raced even more, looking for ways to change this man’s desire to be with me in an intimate relationship.

What caught me so off guard in the process was that I lost energy in every part of my life as I left my authentic self to pursue something that was never mine to attain. When I reached down deep into my soul, after many nights of struggle, I asked three important questions:

1. What is happening here?
2. What am I doing to stop the lesson Spirit has for me?
3. What gift do I bring to this situation?

The first question is the most important, because no one can hide from his/her own misplaced intentions. Even if you start with an old story that doesn’t become you—even if you know that you don’t want to act this way anymore—you still must face the current situation with complete honesty.

Then, you are ready to answer the second question. I realized that what I was doing to stop my growth was to waste energy on something that I didn’t even want. Everything inside of me knew that a relationship with that friend would be a disaster. We were so much alike that the combination of both of our sensitivity took up the majority of our time relating.

The third question was the easiest to answer. As I learn my authentic lessons in life, I am able to heal old patterns in myself. I am able to relate to others with completely authenticity. And I consistently regain power that I have lost trying to live out my “Old Story” of Anxious Attachment.

As a result of this lesson, my friendship with this man became more powerful than ever. And, most importantly, I took that energy and gave it to a loving, intimate relationship that fulfills me in so many wonderful ways. Also, as a result, I took the power I wasted and placed in parts of my life that needed developing.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! --Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]