Learning to Sleep Alone #Sensory Defensiveness #Self #selfcare #spiritualadvice #anxiousattachment

Sensory Defensiveness is a condition that causes individuals to be overly sensitive to touch, sound, smells, light, and ultimately a little more sensitive socially, as a result. I was diagnosed with this condition soon after a break-up with a partner who insisted I go shopping in musty antique stores. When I would get weak and needed to sit after 30 minutes, he suspected I was faking something, so that I wouldn’t have to go with him on his antique excursions. I couldn’t convince him, otherwise.

Eventually, he broke up with me because he felt as if I put no effort into his interests. I couldn’t argue with him. If what your partner does affects your health, adversely, you probably will eventually stop trying. So, I broke with a man who treated me the best of any of my partners in the past, because of an illness. Soon after, I got the diagnosis. One of the books I was asked to read was “Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Over-stimulating” by Sharon Heller. By then, the ex was already in another relationship. 

As I began the discovery of how to treat my over-sensitivity, I realized that the disease I had was a form of adult autism; albeit, a mild one, autism, nonetheless. This diagnosis is much more prevalent in young children, because it expresses as only eating one or two kinds of food, resistance to crowds and socialization, and headaches. As a child, I stayed inside mostly, because sports hurt my body, and I was allergic to just about everything outside. I went to bed hungry a lot of time, because I couldn’t and wouldn’t eat what was served at the dinner table. (In those days, parents didn’t consider physical conditions. They just thought you were obstinate.) Eventually, my parents realized that I really couldn’t eat some of the food they offered without vomiting.

Everyone knew something was different about me from a very young age, but I didn’t know what. Kids at school simply thought I was a frail gay boy and made fun of me. As this sensitivity manifested in harsher ways as an adult, I became more frustrated with life, and a bit depressed, because it seemed everyone just thought I was too picky and too sensitive, including friends and lovers—INCLUDING ME!

Some of the ways this affected me as an adult was over-sensitivity to smells like cologne, which instantly gave me a migraine; amplification of pain, so much so that I lived on Aleve; tremendous fatigue in crowded spaces after about 15 minutes; fatigue in groceries stores because of smell; and with my ex, fatigue in dusty places; and sleeplessness, because I felt everything around me—sounds, the touch of the sheets, pains—even more when I relaxed. I also couldn’t be around very bright light without getting a migraine, as well. So, you can imagine how isolated one with this disease begins to feel.

I, also, had no idea there was a name for this disease, until well into my early forties. What a relief to know there was a name, a diagnosis, and ways to treat this over-sensitivity. One of the ways happens to be with weight. For instance, if you have a great deal of pain or are overly sensitive to touch, you can wear ankle weights. What this does is stop the fast firing of the neural pathways of the brain and refocuses this energy toward your feet instead of the area of your body where the pain or sensitive exists.

I bought these body wraps that are filled with sand and very heavy so that I could use them around my neck or on my legs as I sat or slept. This comforted me in much the same way as a hug, or the closeness of another human being, especially during sleep. I discovered that, if I slept with this weight on me (even weighted blankets), I felt as if I was being held all night. Suddenly, I felt secure and certainly not alone.

Last night, as I prepared for bed, I realized that anyone who didn’t know that I had this disease would think I was a total nutcase. I sleep propped up, with a weighted wrap around my neck and over my head, and usually I’m freezing, so I have very soft blankets on me and 2000 count sheets between me and the covers, because of their softness. Wherever I rest my hands has to be completely soft, or I won’t be able to sleep, and I can’t be touching my own body. (Well, now you know why I’m single!)

The truth be told, if someone hugs me while I fall asleep, the pressure of their arms, combined with the feeling of security, creates exactly the same environment of comfort as I created with all of my paraphernalia. So, sleeping alone is not so fun. But, I realized one wonderful thing—I don’t need another person to fall asleep. This is a great lesson for anyone who has anxious attachment issues, has just gone through a break-up, or can’t seem to find the right mate!

Today's featured books are my book on Meditation, Gluten-free cooking, and  “Finding Authentic You.” The last is a book birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll love the 365 daily readings that will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

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If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Orchids and Violets—Sensory Defensiveness

Orchids and Violets—Sensory Defensiveness

Orchids are by far my favorite flower with daylilies a close second. One of the reasons I like orchids so much is that the exotic blooms last up to three months. They are difficult to grow, as the only place in Nashville to truly grow one is indoors or in a greenhouse. You must fertilize them and spray them and nurture them, but never too much, as the orchid is a plant that needs to be dormant some of the year. Getting one to bloom took me almost five years of trying. When one stem began to get buds on it, I just about rejoiced with a song. I couldn’t believe one actually bloomed for me.

As you can see by all the pictures I post on Facebook of my gardens, I have a very green thumb. So, when I wasn’t able to make an orchid bloom, I was disheartened.

Now, on the other hand, my indoor violets grow like weeds. They seem to bloom almost all year. I rarely fertilize them. I don’t water them very often. But still they remain hearty.

My question is, why do some things in life take extra care and others take little to no care at all?

I have this disorder called “Sensory Defensiveness.” Yes, it is a real classification! I didn’t know I had it for years. I simply knew that, if I came into contact with some strong perfume or a pervasive smell, I would get an immediate migraine. If I were in a large crowd for too long—I would suddenly get drained of energy without a second’s notice. If I walked around in a dusty place for too long—such as an antique mall—I experienced fatigue, then headache. If I strolled down the laundry detergent aisle at the grocery story—almost immediate, I would get a headache.

When I eat, if something doesn’t taste just right, I can’t eat it. If it looks or smells unusual, I’ll turn up my nose. Most of my friends had taken to eating out with other people, as opposed to me. It seemed like nothing could satisfy me when going out to dinner.

There were times of the day that I had amazing energy, then times I would feel as if the energy had drained out of my feet. I could barely keep my eyes open some afternoons. Touch often felt amazing, but I would be left feeling hurt after a massage—almost feeling bruised or wounded.

Bright lights can bother me. And a light shining indirectly at me, like a lamp, can make me crazy.

These are just a few of the ways Sensory Defensiveness can affect you. Some people get pain; others headaches or migraines; some get anxious; and others fatigued. But the likely result of being over stimulated is one of the above.

So, you may ask me, what did I do when I found out that I had this strange disorder? The first thing I did was read every thing I could about it on the Internet. Don’t ever take anyone’s word about any disease or medication. Do your own research and do it exhaustively.

I found one amazing book called: “Too Loud, too Bright, too Fast, too Tight—What to Do in an Over Stimulating World?” By Sharon Heller. This book will give you most of the recent information learned about Sensory Defensiveness.

She suggests wearing ankle weights, which slows down the neuro transmitters in the brain. You can also put weight on other parts of the body such as a weighted vest, sleep with a weighted pillow or blanket, or put a weighted pillow on your lap, while working.

Medications used for this disorder are, such as Lyrica—which is an anticonvulsant drug, but is also used to slow neurotransmitters for pain. Lyrica (Pregabalin) has many side effects. One terrible effect is spatial distortion. So, I have taken to using a mild anti-depressant to slow the neuro transmitters and use self-hypnosis and meditation for the rest of the symptoms. I also avoid places and smells that might trigger the problem.

I come back to my initial point, though—some of us are… let’s say extra special. We come with a great deal of energy and inspiration. But we, also, have a little bit more on our plate to deal with than others just to get along in the world. Perhaps, that’s why I like orchids so much. With the proper attention and love, these plants produce some of the most exotic and beautiful flowers. I have had to learn to take care of myself as one of these precious flowers with patience and compassionate self-care.

If you are an orchid in life, it’s okay to recognize it and embrace your issues. Self-care is a precursor for self-love. When we can learn to be compassionate to ourselves, only then can we give from our authentic heart, true love and compassion to those needing it in our lives.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. FOR COMMENTS: Go to the Bo Sebastian link under the title and there is a place there to create a comment. Thanks.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Every Moment with You is a Gift

Every Moment with You Is a Gift

Often we find it easier to give than to receive. Most people prefer giving, especially if they have been caregivers their entire lives. However, selfish or narcissistic people tend to find partners who prefer to give, so that they can take freely without the need to reciprocate.

I have noticed in my twenty-three years of hypnotherapy and life coaching that people who are nurses, caregivers, doctors, and mothers—to name a few—tend to take care of everyone else, first, instead of caring for themselves at all.

The adage that we hear as we take off on a commercial airline is often the best advice: “Make sure you put your oxygen mask on first, before you attend to your children.”

A very good reason exists for that. If you have no air and can’t breathe, you will have no chance of saving anyone else. Yet, even though we understand this concept in the friendly skies, we still may have trouble realizing that our self needs our not selfish at all. Self-care is important because, if you are not happy and healthy, then you will have no energy to help others in your life.

If you are one who will not take this advice, I bet you have an addiction, such as overeating or cigarette smoking or drinking alcohol in excess. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know that, if you don’t get your needs met in a relationship, you are going to find a way of self-satisfying, even though that habit may lead to your own demise.

You see, the “gift moments” I refer to in the title of this blog are the moments you spend with yourself.

Are you taking the gift of time away, spa days, self-soothing, taking a fun class, going out with friends, reading a great book, and more specifically, meditation and spiritual seeking? If you take time to nurture yourself and find satisfaction and peace in your life, everyone in your world benefits.

The happier I am, the more I enjoy my work. The more I enjoy my work, the more my clients benefit. The more at peace I am, the better I digest my food. The better I digest my food, the more my body uses the vitamins gleaned from it to provide physical health and strength. The more I laugh, the least likely I am to have a headache or body pain.

Self-care can lead to weight loss, muscle growth, a new look, a better outlook, a loss of depression, and less of a need for multiple medications. All of this leads to a better self-image. When you believe you are “worth it,” then you make more money, attract better friends, and invite joy into every part of your life.

This also leads to ease in receiving from others. I look forward to my birthday every year, because I love getting gifts now. I see every present as a way for me to see my worth through other people’s eyes. Everything from homemade cards to expensive baubles are all fair game.

As you read the last paragraph, if you were thinking: he sounds like he is selfish, because he loves to get birthday gifts.

Is this not the thought of a person reared to believe that giving is the only righteous act on earth? Receiving gives someone else a chance at feeling that great joy of giving. If there were no one to receive, then none of us would have a chance to give. Even Jesus says, “Give, and it shall be given unto you. Pressed down, shaken together, and running over…”

If the great teacher Jesus tells us that the reciprocity of giving is receiving, then each of us should be open to the gifts that come to us daily. I’m not saying that you should expect a return anyone. I’m saying exactly the opposite. Our gifts often come from other sources as we extend our hearts to unlimited giving. But the universal law of reciprocity would see to it that all our needs are met as we give. It is law that we receive what we need, when we give.

So, open your arms and get ready for the gifts that abundant, all-loving and all-giving Spirit is ready to pour out on you today. Imagine that someone is knocking at your door now holding that 20 Million dollar jackpot check. Imagine how your heart would feel if that actually were true.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.