Perfectionism—The
Diabolical Trait
If you are hard pressed to stop any personal action before
it is absolutely perfect, raise your hand? Aghhh.
Now that both hands are raised—high, I can’t type. I could
try using my toes to type, but I don’t think I would be all that perfect at
getting things spelled correctly and at phrasing the grammar quite right.
What a hard life it is when you believe that everyone,
including God, is judging everything you do down to the last iota. “I can’t go
to sleep until all the dishes are out of the sink, my clothes are pressed for
the morning, my dresser drawers are in order, my emails are answered, and I’m
sure my schedule is exactly to where I can accomplish for the next day!
UGGGHHHH! HELP! HELP!”
Listen, I know what you’re feeling, my friend. I grew up
with a perfectionist, narcissistic Dad who wanted—needed everything exactly the
way perfect, or no one in the family was happy.
One day, when I was about eight, my dad came home from a
local bar about 10 P.M. and found a dirty dish in the cabin. He proceeded to
break every dish in the cabinet, wake up all six motherless children, and had a
family meeting on a school night.
I remember quaking in my pajamas. What is this raving
lunatic going to do next? Of course, he made us clean up his mess. I am not
sure how we got dishes for dinner the next day, but I do remember that awful
night.
I also got a quick dose of how to be a co-narcissist with
ease by the age of eight. Just simply do everything that I was told and don’t
have an opinion. I saw fairly quickly that my siblings who had an opinion got
on Dad’s shit list and got beaten for it. I was way too much of a pansy to be
vying for any beatings from an ex-semi-pro football player parent.
In psychology, to be a narcissist you have to have a
co-narcissist. Just like if you want to be a dependent, you have to have a
conspirator, a codependent. Co-narcissists learn many of the behaviors of the
narcissist by default, but it’s more for survival sake. Much like the narcissist,
the co-narcissist must be perfect too. His/her reason is because he doesn’t
want the perpetrator to see anything wrong with him to protect him from harm or
mental abuse. But then this usually creates another psychological problem as an
adult—OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) or worse yet, PTSD (Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder).
An OCD person is one to color code her closet or make sure
pictures on the wall are exactly two inches from the ceiling and 22 inches from
the floor and perfectly level—using a level. This same person wants to get all
A’s in school. 98% is not good enough.
“What did I do wrong? How can I be better the next time?
Everyone is looking at me and pointing a finger of disapproval. I can’t be a
bad boy, because God is just like Daddy. I will be punished for eternity if I
smoke a cigarette or have premarital sex. “
The story goes on and on and on. I don’t want to be on the
merry-go-round any more. I’m sure you don’t either. It’s time to get off of the
perfectionism train. The next stop —“I’m Human!”
Yep. That’s all it takes to get off that train destined for
the end of the line. Just admit to yourself and the others around you that you
are human and capable of mistakes. It’s that easy. Then you’re off that
godforsaken train forever!
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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