Finding that one true love has been elusive for most of us, yet to what lengths will we go to recreate that great, first-love feeling from the past? A wise man once said, who had found his soul mate on a trip to Europe, “Are you going to limit your search range for the love of your life to 50 miles on a dating site?” This was his advice to a friend of mine who had found herself searching for a mate on Match.com. Alas, this same woman took a two-week business trip to Miami and decided to research the men in Miami on Match.com.
She found herself the perfect guy in her search, wrote him a note, and eventually they got together for coffee. When she first saw him, he looked like an overly tanned ken doll, with perfect hair. He had a soft voice and she suspected that he might be gay, but most of the guys in Miami were a bit over the top, to her. She continued to persevere through the date. It was just coffee. They ended up talking for almost two hours about everything from their ideas of relationship to monogamy. They shared war stories about their past relationships as a bond began to grow.
Her date left the hotel, where she was staying near the beach, to go to a rehearsal dinner for a wedding. One minute after she sat down on her bed in her hotel room, she got a text that read: “You’re a lovely woman, Jean, but I don’t think the chemistry is there for me!”
She told me that she wrote back immediately, “Yes, it was a stretch wasn’t it? I think to date across continents, one would have to feel as if she had met her soul mate from three lifetimes and know it immediately!”
He agreed in his next text. Jean laughed as she ended the story. “I’m not sure that old wise man knew what he was talking about!”
She was right. I think when she retold the story about the wise man meeting his soul mate, he had been in Europe for a three-month stay, which would have been enough time to date and really discover if he had the perfect chemistry to make a lifetime partner of his dating experience. However, two weeks in Miami, on the beach, with a million perfect bodies wafting by, one every other minute—wrong place, certainly not enough time to create anything lasting.
I have had three long-distance relationships. One lasted for eight years, as he moved to be with me after six months. The other two were loving and, for the most part, good. One was a friend I had known for ten years before we ever started dating. That was an okay way to start a relationship. But neither of us ever wanted to move from our homes. So, driving 3.5 hours every weekend became a chore after two years.
The other long-distance relationship resulted in my boyfriend moving to live with me from Indianapolis. It was a mistake to think that I could really know someone from that distance, even if we had talked on the phone for hours every day and spent, sometimes, a week together at a time. When he moved in, he became a completely different man, one whom I had never seen in the nine months we had dated.
I say all this because, finding a mate and getting to know someone takes a great deal of time and endurance. You can’t be running across the United States to work out any small issues, or worse yet, try to resolve a disagreement on the telephone. You have to be staring into someone’s eyes and looking at his heart. You can’t get that intimacy from 2000 miles away.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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