The “Don’t Touch Me” Syndrome #sensorydefensive
I have many clients who say their partners no longer
have any interest in sexuality or intimacy. This may be the reason. If you go
through times when you feel even a light touch hurts, bright light bothers you,
a strong smell will give you a headache, you may be on the outer scale of Adult
Autism called Sensory Defensive. I can speak from years of battling those
feelings, this is a common disease that not many doctors even know much about.
If you have talked to an occupational therapist, almost all of them have heard
of, especially in children. I have had some young clients who won’t eat many
foods because of the texture or feel in the their mouths. They tend to
sequester themselves from people and be the readers in the family. They enjoy
being by themselves because it is near no one they feel safest from touch,
smell, and even taste.
Most people
don’t even consider the possibility that what they feel on this spectrum is
worth checking into. They simply chalk up their feelings to getting older,
losing interest, or simply sensitivity. However, all of the above can be dealt
with and you can actually return to a life of intimacy and closeness with the
ones you love.
Sensory
Defensiveness is a rather simple disorder. Your neural pathways are just firing
too quickly, which increases your sensitivity sometimes about 75% more than
most. I recently noticed my sister’s two children’s behavior during a vacation
to her home. One is quiet, likes to read, and has a great intolerance for most
food. The other child will eat just about anything and he would tackle you
night and day if you would let him. The two children are close in age, came
from the same mother and father, and actually have had the same stimuli in
their lives. Yet, each are completely opposite in disposition. I believe this
is as a result of Sensory Defensiveness.
In adults the patterns
start to worsen, especially when smells turn to migraines and a repulsion for
certain foods could keep you from eating around specific people. You would
think it’s just me—I’m peculiar like that. But, honestly, you are not. You
simply need a little more attention than most, especially from yourself. You
should begin therapy by understanding more about your disease. Read the book by
Sharon Heller, “Too Loud, Too Bright…” and see if you fall with the adult
autistic spectrum. I was shocked that I did. I finally began to understand why
something as simple as a day out shopping or antiquing could level me by
midday. I could be out at a bar enjoying myself with friends, and suddenly, I
would feel as if the energy drained right out of my feet. I would want to go to
sleep immediately. Food would often have to be returned to the kitchen at
restaurants. And the most important aspect to understand is protecting yourself
from smells and bright lights that could give you five migraines a week.
Where I
noticed the most difference is in the intimacy department. Now that I
understand my limitations and when I’m feelings particularly sensitive, I
actually can be completely honest with the people around me. If I can’t be
touched, that is okay for that evening. Typically, this kind of problem happens
less and less as your body becomes more secure and less anxious about your
surroundings. The more you share with your loved ones your problem, the better
you feel about keeping yourself safe, which adds up to being less anxious.
Sensory Defensiveness is a real disorder. Discovering you have it and dealing
with it can change your life completely.
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For more
information, you can book a session with me and we can discuss ways of dealing
with your severe sensitivity to almost anything.
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