Giving Up All Hope of a Better Past
Gerald Jampolsky, MD, author of Forgiveness: The Greatest Healer
of All, once said that “forgiveness is giving up all hopes of having
a better past.” I have mourned many days about my past and wished that
I had grown up with a better father, a mother who hadn’t left me with an
abusive alcoholic, a brother who sexually abused me, but nothing I say or do
will change the past. The best means of getting over my past is to try to
understand why this path had been placed before me and learn all the lessons I
can from it. The past will never change! It is mine for my lifetime.
I once dated a man who was a bit younger than I. (Okay he
was about 15 years younger.) I was intrigued with him, because I met him at
church, and he was talented and handsome. After about five dates he told me
that he thought my past was too broken to go forward. He couldn’t see getting
past the hurts of my past and have a good relationship. I have never been hurt
more by anyone in my life, probably because that phrase was what I had been
repeating to myself for a long time. Finally, someone said it aloud!
Hiding my past has never helped me forgive or move
forward. Learning from it has, though. I know with absolute certainty that I
could never be writing this blog today or my latest book if I hadn’t had the
insights from getting over so much pain and abuse in my life. I feel like I
have fallen off of many steep ski slopes, broken a few bones, and have come
back to win the gold as of now. I won’t let anything from my past sever the
ties of my present good. I make laws against it.
Also, I don’t have to carry my past around with me like
heavy baggage. I can leave it at the doorstep and come into every new
relationship in the present. Yes, who I am has been shaped by my past. But, I
don’t need to share every story, every detail, and every fault for someone to
be my dear friend.
Sometimes, bringing the past into the future or present is
just too much garbage for others to handle. Perhaps, on the most intimate
level, I may share a story that helps an intimate partner or friend understand why
I have reacted poorly in a situation. But, why else would I need to bring my
ten thousand ton treasure trove of negativity anywhere. The past is like the last
ten years of taxes. You have to keep them incase you get audited, but you don’t
have to look at them every day. I keep mine in a storage shed in a large black,
weatherproof box. I don’t even want them in the same space as I am now.
Even my financial situation doesn’t have to come with me
into the present. I can make new laws of prosperity and forge forward with new
ideas and creative ways to make money. I don’t have to stick to any old plans,
especially if they haven’t helped me attain my goals of security and peace.
Leave your past where it belongs—IN THE PAST!
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