A
Child’s View of Love
Several children were asked, “What is love?” Their
responses were funny, bright, and poignant. A couple that stood out to me were:
- "I
think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest
of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8
- "No
one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how
you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." --Mae, age 9
- "One
of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles
too." -- Andrew,
age 6
- "My
mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find
somebody who's kinda tall
and handsome." -- Carolyn,
age 8
- "When
somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He
says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have
kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9
- "I'm
not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard
enough." -- Regina,
age 10
(Taken from Rinkworks.com)
Everyone says that kids say the darndest things, but children are honest, which is NOT what usually
happens in most adult relationship. Perhaps, childrens honesty is why some of
the most successful relationships are the ones who have been together since
high school and know no other quite the same as his/her partner. Yet, recently,
I had a young man come in who had a 2-year-old child. He told me that the
reason why he didn’t stay with the mother of his child was that it was too
comfortable and he knew too much about her. Of course, I took the opportunity
to tell him my feelings about his sophomoric attitude. Love is about knowing
all the past and being absolved of the past for a new and wonderful future
together that looks nothing like what happened before. At least, that is my
hope.
The answer to the question, “What is love?” is a hard one
because in the English language we use the word love for many different kinds of relationships. How can you love a
friend, a parent, a sibling, a child, God, and your intimate partner with the
same word? That is basically our biggest problem with saying the word.
In the Greek language, there are separate words for
friendship love, spiritual love, and intimate love. I’m sure other languages
have the same distinctions. This makes more sense to me. Maybe that is why in
English we say we are “in love” instead of just the word love when it comes to intimate relationships.
My advice about love is to “forget about what you don’t
want and focus in on what you do want” in relationships. Make a list of secure
behavior. Some of these attributes might be as follows: My partner…
·
Isn’t afraid to
share feelings;
·
Is transparent about
important information;
·
Takes time for me;
·
Take cares of
his/her body; and
·
Is financially
responsible.
Notice, nowhere in that list do I say that you want to
jump his or her bones immediately. We all know that attraction won’t last for
the duration. What we should look for is what will bind two hearts together.
Honestly, after talking to many people about their sexual
lives with an intimate partner, the best kind of person to look for is a person
who will listen to what you need and want during sex. Most things can be
learned. However, I will say that I had a six-month relationship with a man who
I tried to help understand my wants. He was so open to wanting to kiss me in a
way that was satisfying. But even after six months, I had to give up. I always
felt smothered and as if I was being tackled with his tongue and lips. In some
ways, if a chemical connection doesn’t happen after a period of time, you can
assume that it may not happen at all. I wouldn’t fault anyone for wanting a
satisfying sexual partner. We all deserve that. But this kind of want can’t
come before the necessary attributes of a secure, lovingly attached
relationship.
___________________________________
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along with a group, there is also an online Year to Clear Challenge described
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______________________________________________
New Challenge: Go to Week 13 of the “Year
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______________________________________________
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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