Loving the Insecure
#attachmentstyles
“How can you say that you are the unlovable one, when the
person you married is the one pulling away, not facing his truth, wanting
something more or different than what he committed to?” We have learned to
judge relationship on the bias of being the lovable one. In most cases of
separation, the lovable, secure person is the one often left in a marriage.
In my time of being a life coach, I have noticed that many
people come to me disparaged and in pain because a committed partner leaves the
relationship. When I hear the story, my clients couldn’t have been more loving
and secure. However, the person who left the story was the man or woman who
didn’t know the meaning of secure or opted for not wanting security or intimacy
in relationship.
Usually, the noncommittal partner decided he/she wanted to
date again, wanted out of the responsibility of loving, wanted out of the care
giving, wanted out of all the good AND the hard stuff in relationship. No one
says that relationship doesn’t have its hard parts. This is the stuff
we realize going in to commitment that we simply want to bear. Sharing a life
with someone is worth the extra load we must carry.
I had a seventy-year-old woman come to me who had not been
on a date in twenty years. Her worst fear was that she wouldn’t be attractive.
Her second worse fear was that the men she thought were handsome wouldn’t be
attracted to her. I looked at her with my X-Ray vision and said, “Really? When
was the last time you actually thought about gussying up, putting a bit of
make-up on, getting a new hairstyle, wearing some sexy clothes? All of that,
unfortunately matters in our ego world, as we try to attract a mate. That’s why
there are more single people at the gym than any others.”
She looked past me, afraid to connect deeply. “It’s been a
long time.”
My point here is that what kept my client from having dates
wasn’t that she didn’t have the need or desire. In twenty years, she never had
enough drive or vulnerability to try. Most of the time, the reason was because
she was too busy taking care of everyone else in her life.
I get it. Most of our attempts at relationship end up in two
people deciding they love or care about each other, but don’t have enough
energy to plow through a lifetime. Forever is a long time. Making the choice to
break up because you can’t see forever is a scary choice. I would say, if you
can’t see the next few steps ahead without your partner, stay with the
relationship. We are not soothsayers and psychics, especially for our own
relationships. We have no idea what the future will hold.
We do know, however, that a network of wonder and an
infinite power has created a networklike fabric that connects us all in so many
powerful ways. If your partner or spouse is supposed to be in your life for
spiritual growth, he or she will stay. I know this much about life, “What is,
simply is!” And we must love the present no matter what it holds. You are
strong enough, beautiful enough, powerful enough to get through whatever life
hands you today. Believe that much and you will see tomorrow with a smile on
your face.
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New Challenge: Go to Week 6 of the “Year
to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
______________________________________________
Look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a
Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my
Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a
month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have
already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A
Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year
Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a
person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At
twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal
minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a
book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and
you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR
stands for (Compassionate, Loving,
Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to
engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks,
promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each
week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab,
a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group
functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to
have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at
growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring
to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome
mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and
expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive
connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to
CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in
change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around
us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective,
looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the
ability to change and finding
yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call
getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of
change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process.
The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye
Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the
mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this
constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling
future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance
to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a
donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
·
My Latest Book: Finding Authentic You—7 Steps to
Effective Change (800 page downloadable Kindle version)
·
Introduction to Meditation
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Smoke Cessation mp3
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Weight Loss mp3
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Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
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Insomnia mp3
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Meditation Music mp3
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Guide to Meditation mp3
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Healing the Body mp3
·
And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for
your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to
Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd
R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
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