Where Will My Heart Lead Me Next?

Where Will My Heart Lead Me Next?

Following your heart is a great way to live. However, sometimes, as the great sages of old had spoken about, there are times when the heart leads us to a dark place. These dark nights of the soul are purposeful and meaningful where the heart is concerned. Most of us have something to contain and confine so that the world can’t see our hurt. But, if you seek to cleanse your life of negativity, the heart will continually lead you back to the deepest matters of the heart that will create lasting change.

I have shared that the past couple months have been some of the greatest times of my life. I feel energized, defined, loved, comforted, prosperous, and in the center of my divine destiny. In the last couple days, though, I have woken up with a sense of irritation. Nothing is wrong. I’m sure of that.

But everything that has defined me as happy is playing games with my mind. It’s as though, all the old drama from my past still lingering in my heart and mind doesn’t know where to go and what do without traumatic events of the past. So, I feel, if I’m not cautious, I may begin to create some drama that just isn’t true for my life right now.

I have had dark nights of the soul where I felt as if I had to bury myself in my bedroom and go to therapy three times a week just to surface and deal with my anxiety. I’m not moving toward that kind of depression. But, I do feel as though my heart is leading me to understand a part of my subconscious that I may not be so willing to deal with. Let’s call it—THE DRAMA CENTER!

When you grow up with 95% drama, when relationships have mostly been drama, and when you feel as if you never have had enough of anything in your life, I’d say that a big part of your mind learns to thrive on the energy derived from traumatic events. This may be so much so that the “imagined part” might decide—as if it had its own mind—to begin to breathe life back into past dramas and recreate itself, just to stay alive within you.

Everything living, including enigmas in our minds, thrives to stay alive. If the smallest molecules of yeast in your body can force your mind to believe it needs sugar, you can be assured that the ghosts of the past have a more energetic pull than those small molecules.

My desire, in the next few days, is to sit with my feelings and try to be compassionate to myself. I shared with my partner what I had been feeling and have tried to be as authentic as I could be about what I DON’T want to happen—but feel may happen—if I don’t be careful.

Last night was a perfect example of using honest communication to understand myself. I asked my partner if he wouldn’t mind if I leaned on him for comfort. He is a very secure individual, securely attached, and stepped up to the plate like a trooper. I tried to just receive and not reciprocate. This action of proposed selfishness is difficult for me, but I tried considering my own needs first, this time. After a few minutes of soothing self-talk, I got to the point where I was able to relax and fall asleep and into a quiet place in my mind.

Also, my understanding of myself led me to realize it has been about two years since I’ve had a real vacation. Remember, I have chosen to take care of one of my parents in my home. I haven’t had a day to myself to just chill for a long time. I have to be honest with myself and my partner and my mother about needing some space to breathe and, perhaps, take a vacation sooner than I had imagined. I need to sit on the beach and let the sun cook out my frustrations.

Your heart can lead you to a lot of great places. But when it calls you to be compassionate to self, listen to its whispers. It may come as aggravation. It may call you as self-made drama. It may try to play with your mind and life in anxious and auspicious ways. But know that everything that happens in your life, including in your mind—especially in your mind—is metaphoric and uses life’s smallest lessons to call you back to the simplest changes—even rest for your weary soul.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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