When Past Hurts Return! #healingthepast #pastrelationship #relationshipadvice #divorce

Have you ever opened your heart to someone whom had hurt you, because you felt as if you were healed enough to face the past? Then, you realized, amidst the doing, that you simply were adding drama to your life by inviting that person back into your life?

One of the greatest hurts in my life resulted from doing just that. After eight years and a nasty breakup, I decided to forgive my ex and invited him back into my life, because he was going through a painful break. The result, my ex ended up having a torrid love affair with my current partner of eight years. From that day forward, I have tried to keep the past in the past and the present where it belongs.

Recently, though, I went against my own advice and cracked open that door to a casual hello to someone who had hurt me fairly recently. My excuse and my rational was that I did not want to keep holding hurt in my own heart and wanted to make amends.

The visit went well. We were both a little uncomfortable. But, the result was even more hurtful than before. I chastised myself over and over again.

• Why did I open that door?
• Was I trying to see if I still had feelings?
• Was I hoping he had changed?
• Was I thinking that I could convert the old situation into a positive one?

All of these questions were viable ones, but none were ones that were good enough to go against my own soul’s boundaries. Here is what I learned after spending the last two days almost completely quiet, searching for truth:

Everyone in my life, whether they choose to hurt me or support me is doing me a favor. EVERYONE!

The reason I have come to this conclusion is because each person is like a road sign steering me in the direction I need to be. Road signs warn you, keep you safe, and give you information about the unexpected coming ahead. When a sign says, “Stop,” or “Go in another direction!” You should be thankful for the knowledge the sign gives. Do not decide you know better than the sign. You could avoid a major collision if you simply pay attention to the road signs.

But, instead, old anxious attachment behavior comes up from the past and decides it wants to heal the past using a particular relationship. Daddy hurt me and now I need to make sure that Relationship X does not mirror my dad’s relationship with me. I need to, want to, have to… change the scenario! But, nothing changes, really, not in your mind and certainly not in the people who have hurt you.

My resolve is that every one of us on this earth shares in the One Mind of God. We were all made in Its image; therefore, we all have something that makes us related. It is within that one part of Divine Mind that we are all being steered into the right direction by the positive people and MOST IMPORTANTLY THE REJECTION!

Don’t let the neural pathways of your human brain steer you. You’ll end up going in circles around your pain.

After this past week, I can say with fortitude in my heart that I’m thankful for the STOP SIGNS in my life. They all have a face. They all are doing the will of God. They all have meaning. And each deserves my COMPLETE ATTENTION.

What they don’t deserve is my anger, my hurt, my negative behavior, and the distraction they cause in my life.

Amen.

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Finding Resolve from My Insane Ego! #neuralpathways #psychology #anxiety #releasingthepast

Even the simplest of materials, broken down to its smallest ingredients is created from voluminous amounts of different combinations of atoms from the periodic chart. While most people generally go through life not even considering the combination of atoms that created milk; the majority of adults, however, wonder how certain insane thoughts came into existence in their own minds. Most of us wonder about what gave us the eschewed beliefs that have caused so much anxiety in our minds.

When you relive a thought over and over again in your mind hoping to come out with a better outcome, we define this as insanity. Yet, knowing this, we close our eyes to sleep and the scenario begins again. An answer occurred to me when I asked myself a very simple question: When was the first time that you remember feeling this powerful negative thought or emotion? As I went back into the recesses of my mind, I discovered a story I hadn’t remembered before, one that was hidden from my own consciousness.

Our minds are clever. When a thought is too painful, we have parts of our consciousness that protect us from that particular thought. This is why memories often come back in bits and pieces, especially painful ones that caused Post Traumatic Stress.

My particular thought came as I meditated quietly, asking for guidance about a circular thought of insecurity and abandonment that I often feel. I saw a vision of young boy—me—in a baseball dugout, anxious and angry about being forced to be there. My turn to bat was about to arrive. My heart raced and my stomach screamed out in pain, because I was never ready for that moment. No one had ever helped me practice, not even the coach. I was the kid who only got put in the line-up in the ninth inning when my team had no chance of losing.

In my dream, I would strikeout over and over again. But, the worst part of the dream was looking out into the bleachers for my remiss parents who never were a part of the crowd of supportive ones cheering in the bleachers. I was angry, abandoned, and left to support my own self at seven years old. At the end of the night, I walked home for one long, lonely mile in the dusk, alone, usually crying.

What I discovered in my dream was a sad scenario, yes. But, what excited me about this revelation was that I finally began to understand the impact of those moments as a child. As an adult, I can now help that young child inside of me to heal that feeling of abandonment, which wasn’t my fault at all. What a relief to know that the compound mixture of emotions that is now what I call insecurity, actually has a beginning.

As a chef, I know that if I can define all of the ingredients in a particular dish that I had tasted, I usually can come up with a recipe to create a similar result. So, too, knowing the ingredients of my circular thoughts, helped me to recreate a scenario that could finally be healed. I can now relieve those parts of my mind that seek to protect me from the painful inception of my insecurities—from their long appointed posts—and let the memory be healed.

Now, every time I feel insecure, I can talk to Bobby—my inner child—and tell him how precious and wonderful he is… was. I can share with him that, despite his feelings of being abandoned, he was not the cause of this pain. I can, also, assure my inner child that I—the adult—will never put him in a situation like the one from my childhood.

This is a start—a great start to heal the wounds of my insane ego. Yes, I know, with my deductive brain, that I am whole and complete, always, as a part of God. But, oftentimes, we all need to come out of our own ego bodies and minds long enough to treat the wounds of our past. This is my resolve and treatment for you:

“This is what I know. Spirit God is whole and complete, as am I, a part of this wonderful, loving creative energy we call Source. I’m thankful for this truth and for the Law of Creation. I’m knowing for myself and for anyone reading this that you, too, are whole and complete, right now. Nothing can add or subtract from the love that you are, wherever you are right at this moment. Feel this love in every part of your body and mind, seeking to enlighten and enliven you.

“I’m also knowing that anywhere in your ego mind that pain still exists as an effect from something in your past, that—in a time of divine inspiration and protection—you, too, will find the inception of your circular thinking, the story where the pain began. When you do find this story, you will also find the grace to forgive yourself, the people in your life who caused the feeling, and begin to walk on the awesome pathway to healing. I know this for you and for myself, right now, as I release this prayer to the Law. And so it is!

Today's featured book is “The Anxious Attachment of a Gay Man.” It's a book birthed from my own spiritual growth, through relationships. I guarantee you'll be blessed by the positive impact, many years of therapy had on my mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

 

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian 

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Hate and Vitriol: #healingwounds

I believe we all know the definition of hate and have experienced on many levels in our lives. But, vitriol is one of those words that we hear, but don’t often know exactly what it means. The dictionary defines vitriol as cruel and bitter criticism.

Over the past weekend, I drove eight hours. Often, I’ll take an audio book to pass the time. I chose a book a life coach friend suggested, Changing the World. I was taken by the account of the author, Dain Heer, who wrote about his experience as a child. He spoke of being the only white boy in the ghetto. He wrote of being molested twice by relatives as a child. He shared how his self-hate and vitriol were paralyzing, to the point of considering suicide. Much of his account was the exact same story as my childhood. Most of my life, I imagined that I had been cruelly selected for this terrible fate. Yet, here he was speaking to millions about my childhood and sharing how he grew from this same place of paralysis.

I have to say that I was moved beyond normal emotion. I felt a hand reach down into my heart and pull up unhealed places from my past and bring them directly to the light. What most intrigued me about Dain’s story was how he processed the emotions of hate and vitriol. I’m going to say, beforehand, that you don’t have to believe his truth to be happy about his healing. But, his process was quite an amazing and different take on the past. I’d like to share it.

Dain believes in a spiritual growth course called Access Consciousness. Within that theory of belief, he suggests that spirits coming into human body have some say over whom becomes their parents and whom is connected to their reality while here on earth. (I know this can be a stretch for some readers. But, when you think about it: who really knows much about what happens in the spirit world and beyond? It’s all more of a guess and a gut feeling, when it comes down to what we believe spiritually.) So, say you can imagine that this reality is possible: You can—with God and other family members in spirit, decide who plays which roles in your life—like a casting director for a movie.

This would mean that when we get to earth, we have to create a human experience to change our spiritual or emotional belief. Possibly, this earth could be a school of sorts to helps liberate us from fear, negativity, and pain. So, even if I have experienced sexual abuse, on some level, I may chosen it to heal myself from self-hate. Also, as a collaborative effort in spirit, I wanted to give my abusers the chance to make a different choice, as well. (Wow! That is hard to swallow!)

However, when I decided I would open that door to take a peek at my past from this unusual perspective, I felt less and less like a victim. I felt more and more victorious about overcoming all the obstacles that were set before me.

Honestly, who really knows what and how spirits manifest and from where we began. But, the role of playing a victim for my entire life has not served me well up to this point in life. The victim mentality has only nurtured hate and vitriol.

I no longer want to accuse or point fingers at anyone from my past. It’s time for me to grow out of that old paradigm and into a healthier way of looking at life and my past. This is certainly a way for me to change my point of view and begin forgiving, so that my heart can heal completely.

Remember that hate and revenge is like a poison slowly killing the person who holds it in his/her heart.

Coming Up: I’ll be writing more about the power of our Co-Creative Minds!

***

This book is a set of exercises to move you from past pain and hurt into a new spiritual and psychological paradigm that will change you inside and out. Come take this journey with me. Buy the book now!

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

 

Dinner with My Broken Past

Dinner with My Broken Past

Last week I discovered that a second cousin, the daughter of one of my favorite cousins, had moved to Nashville about nine months ago. So, my mother and I invited her to dinner.

She arrived at the door just minutes before the Italian feast was about to be served. My mom is a stickler about time. If you say dinner is at 6:30, she means the dinner will be on the table at 6:30—not appetizers, not a glass of wine first—DINNER. She’s diabetic and 80, and everything is about getting that dinner down her throat before 5 pm, bless her heart.

Nonetheless, we waited tonight till 6:30 for our honored guest. Her smile lit up the room when she came in. It was as if she had brought in to the house my entire heritage from my father’s side of the family with her, in a good way. My family had let go of that side of the family soon after my father had passed away because of how poorly that side of the family treated us at my father’s funeral. We just figured they would never understand us and our decisions about our father.

Our circumstance was one where my father was one person when he was with his family and a completely different person when he was with us, including being with his ex-wife, my mother, whom he professed to love until he died, but would never admit to any of them.

Anyway, between the fragrant Italian food, the beautiful Pinot Noir, and my cousin’s face reflecting every Sebastian I knew, it was as if I sat down to dinner with everyone I had left twelve years ago. She was delightful and expressive and very much of the ilk that I have embraced both spiritually and mentally over the years. I was happy to see and hear her stories of how she had come to her truths. We sat like old friends for what felt like hours talking about life until she had to go feed her dogs.

After she left I felt something shift inside. I had spent a lot of time putting up walls around my heart so that they wouldn’t be broken concerning my father’s family. I’d forgotten a new generation existed from the old, and that even the older family tree had grown as well. The dinner ended up being not just a introduction to a new family member, but a reconnection to family in general.

I remember one thing my father said to me before he died. He told me that it was my turn to take care of my sisters and the family. It was as if he was passing the Sebastian family mantle down to me. I didn’t quite understand why it was me. I was never his favorite. In fact, I have an older brother and three older sisters. Why does the second youngest son get the mantle and the responsibility of such a large undertaking? It was only after he died that I understood why he chose me.

All of my sisters respected me and listened to my advice, as did my mother. So, he understood that they would come to me, one by one, needing my help now and again. This happened time and time again over the years. When it happens, I always ask my father for advice, as I feel he has become one of my angels in the spirit realm, something else, I never would have expected.

Life is full of unexpected gifts if you look for them. Life can be filled with unlocked treasures as well. Don’t be afraid to search for them, as I did that one lonely night on Facebook, as I went back through about 50 pages of people to find the few relatives I felt like I really would want to see and talk to again after twelve years.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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