Who Am I? #iamsecond
I woke up this morning after a terrifying dream. In my daze
I imaged clearly that I was in West Nashville. I had lost my money, my home, my
friends, and car. The only thing I had was a bicycle. On the bike I was trying
to get from Nashville to a place where someone would remember me, my hometown
in Pennsylvania. In the passage toward my home, I saw my mother who didn’t know
me either. I saw friends who didn’t recognize me. The only person who knew me
was an ex-partner from 14 years ago. He carried a small puppy. We decided
together to go across a river on a bicycle. When I awoke, I had absolutely no
idea who I was, where I was, or who was sleeping in the bed next to me.
Honestly, I was the most confused I had ever been. It was if, in the dream, I
had lost my complete identity.
So, this dream got me thinking. If we are spirits living in
human bodies, what happens when we depart from our bodies? I have a dear friend
who recently died—and this has also happened with a few others who departed
from this earth—who came back to me in a dream and was disoriented. She
expected everyone who knew her on earth to be able to hear her, see her, and
respond to her. Though, from where she was, out of body, no one was able to
hear her but other people who had departed from their bodies. All of these friends
who departed seemed to find me in my dreams and speak to me with confusion and
frustration.
This was the exact feeling I had in my dream. I wondered why
the only person who knew me was my ex-partner, with whom I shared eight years
of my life. Perhaps, in some strange way, I felt that after all those years,
even though we don’t talk now, he is the only person who ever really knew me.
I’m not quite sure. What I know for certain is that all we dream is in
metaphor, so this relationship to my exe in the dream must signify something in
my own subconscious. Dreams are a peculiar mechanism of communication from your
own heart and from God. To understand completely what dreams mean, you have to
have someone who is very adept in interpreting them. Typically, I’m very good
at helping others to decipher dreams. But just as in anything in life, helping
yourself is always much more difficult than helping others.
This is why most people who are overweight are caregivers.
They take care of everyone else in their lives except themselves. Self is an
elusive entity. We don’t know who we are unless we begin the practice of prayer
or meditation where we can learn to be the conscious observer of our own
humanness. This kind of practice became the first conscious evidence of who I
actually am as a human and conversely as a spirit.
The human existence is an amalgam of two aspects: spirit and
your reptilian brain—or humanness, plus we have the help of the mind, which is
like our own personal, programmable computer. The problem with the brain is
that, instead of being the go-between for the body and spirit, sometimes it
acts on its own volition and coerces us to do things we may feel “programmed”
to do. For instance, if your mother gave you cookies every time you succeeded
in life as a child, you may be apt to reward yourself with food now. Also, any
kind of loving gestures or non-loving gestures you may have had as a child will
appear in your expressions of love as an adult. These are called attachment
theory. This is the programmable part of the brain, so we have to get in there
and un-program before it destroys our future.
So, the question of Who Am I? becomes an answer that sounds
like this: you are a unique combination of spirit and humanness that can be led
by God or by your human nature. You always have a choice. The help is in the
way you program your soul or mind to urge you to move toward the spiritual.
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