Royal Puffery on #PrincessCruises
— Part II
I just got back from a 7-day cruise on the Royal Princess, a
brand new ship that had just been launched June of 2013 and christened by
Princess Kate. This beautiful ship spans the size of almost four football
fields, replete with every kind of class, luxury, or relaxation you might
imagine. But, with the luxury and classes, comes plenty of royal puffery.
Food Aboard the
Princess
The first night we ended up having to eat at the only
24-hour food source available because the medical and security process took so
long. (IF YOU HAVEN’T READ PART ONE, GO BACK JANUARY 25TH’S BLOG.)
Each item of food we tried was better than the next. One thing you can count
on, as we were told by the Cruise Director, Ron Goodman, that most people gain
from one to three pounds A DAY on a cruise. That would mean we could gain, if
we didn’t watch what we ate, 7-21 pounds. I gained about 5 or 6, but have lost
four already just three days at home and monitoring my food and exercise.
I know other people, personally, who gained 15 or pounds on
the ship. So, watch out for the wonderful food, and make your choices count. I
chose small portions of the rich food and ate lots of leafy and green
vegetables daily, which helped out a lot. The ship’s chefs also had many forms
of protein, including fresh grilled fish daily. I also took great advantage of
those healthy choices for my own figure. I, also, found it very interesting
that every day the chefs had made gluten-free and sugar-free options for almost
everything. I had gluten free bread, desserts, and pasta while onboard. I also
asked for agave nectar as a sweetener, which they also had.
Spa Treatment’s
Aplenty
(I am providing the name and the kind of therapy of each
practitioner, because I saw nowhere on the ship any kind of certification
papers for anyone, even when I asked.) Our second day onboard was the day we
chose to make our spa day. We had a couple’s massage and facial with Megan
Scarratt and Arceli Paduga. After the beautiful massage, we were asked to sit
on a couch and were given a prescription of lotions and detoxifying formulas
that would cost upward of $300. We declined. Again, royal puffery.
JUST AN ASIDE: I felt
it was very interesting how every time a practitioner would quote prices on the
ship, he or she never say the word dollars or hundred. So, for three hundred
and fifty-five dollars, they would say, “That would be for three, five, five.” And
with their foreign accents, everything sounded quite palatable.
Next, we both had our teeth whitened by Natasha Fiskin from
Russia. You can tell, all of these technicians were from different countries.
The teeth whitening worked great for my partner, but for me, who has two front
caps, it didn’t work so well. We were told by Natasha that she could whiten
caps. I saw a small difference. But what was most interesting was that she,
also, provided us with 3 months worth of capsules of teeth whitener that we were
to use, which cost ONE FOUR SEVEN per person. Natasha said that this treatment
was surely not going to cause any gum problems as other treatments do. After
two days I had stop the treatment because I couldn’t bite down on my front
tooth without severe pain. I asked Natasha about it, she said to make sure I
don’t touch the gums. So, this treatment was supposed to never affect the gums,
yet I had to avoid the gums, which, by the way, I had avoided the entire time.
Royal puffery.
The next spa treatment I had was called a Ionthermie-Detox
and Inch Loss Treatment from Mitsy-Misuko Tsubobayashi. I have no idea what
kind of certification she had, though she told everybody at the seminar with
this detox she could help you lose 1-3 inches immediately. Now, this was the
height of Royal Puffery, in my estimation. Mitsy used electrodes on your
problem area for over twenty minutes, making each of your surrounding muscles
engorge with blood and tighten. So, when she measured you before and after,
your muscles were flabby when you started and so tight you couldn’t let out
your stomach at the end. Of course, I lost an inch. But when I went back to the
room, the muscle therapy had worn off and I was back to my inch larger stomach.
Mitsy also said that I had “clogged lymph nodes in my stomach—in fact, 120 of
them.” Interestingly enough, I met a doctor that evening at a GLBT get together
who told me that was completely incorrect. He said, “If your lymph nodes were
clogged that would each swell up to the size of a dime.” Mitsy told me I needed
FOUR ZERO THREE of seaweed to help detox my body. I decided to pass on that as
well, fortunately.
The last spa treatment I had was a pedicure. It was great.
Althea Rose didn’t offer me any extras to go with my toes. I had a friend who also
used their Hair Waxing Process. It was a very clean process, but it did cause
my friend to break out severely afterward in sensitive areas. The sixty dollar
oil didn’t help with that.
All in all I spent 947 dollars on the spa, which includes a
15% gratuity for everything, including drinks, extra food services (their were
three sit-down restaurants on board that charged $25 extra just to go there).
Internet Aboard the Vessel
If you are traveling with any kind of computer, Ipad,
tablet, or cellphone, don’t expect to get reception after 50 miles out to sea.
If you want reception, you are welcome to pay a considerable fee for it. I
checked email two times, only looking at the titles, because the process was
about 5 times slower than normal internet services. Each minute cost $1.95 and
to get connected it cost $3.95. So, for 3-4 minutes, I was charged 10.95. I
opted to not worry about the cellphone, because I wanted to get away from
business, not bring it with me.
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