Casual Sex
and Self-Esteem
(This blog
has some explicit thoughts and ideas. If you don’t want to go there with me
today, just simply delete it or pass it by. But I felt like this needed to be
addressed, especially when we think about the intricacy of the heart.)
Being gay tends to lead people to think that most of your
life is about casual sex and impromptu sexual encounters. Though “tricks”
happen with both heterosexual and gay people, random sexual encounters are more
about the individual person than the proclivity toward any sexual persuasion.
I have known some gay man who go years without a sexual
experience. I have known some who like an encounter weekly or even daily. I
have known heterosexual men, both married and single, who walk into a room and
look for the first woman who would most likely go home with him or, more
likely, meet him in a janitor’s closet. Trust me, this is not about gay or
straight.
However, I would say it is more a male issue than a female
issue. Women tend to be less promiscuous on a whole, simply because they are
the one in the more vulnerable place—they must be entered for intercourse to
happen. Heterosexual men and Gay tops are more likely to be a little less
caring about their vulnerable hearts and more caring about sowing their wild
seeds. This makes sense when you look at who is in control.
This leads me to my tender point about spirituality and
the translucent places of the heart that carry sexuality into a union, no
matter if it’s just a one-night stand or a long-term relationship. Even the Christian
(Mark 10:8) and Jewish (Genesis 2:24) bibles say that we become as “one flesh”
when we unite sexually and intimately. If this is true, then our hearts merge
as well. If our hearts merge, then a myriad of sexual encounters would cause
our hearts to splinter. Psychological problems happen as a result.
People who have been sexually abused as children often try
to squelch the feelings of abuse by repeating the abusive sexual behavior over
and over, trying to make sense of it or exacting the behavior to get it right.
But this never happens, unless they are in the arms of a securely attached
individual who cares deeply. Unfortunately, the glue that would make an abused
person whole often eludes them, because they look for their abusers in their
mates.
I have worked with over a thousand sexually abused people
in my twenty-five years of life coaching and hypnotherapy. They often come to
me to quit smoking or for weight loss, because habits form when a person
displaces self-esteem for sexual desire. They don’t love themselves enough to
stop any kind of problematic habit leading to cancer, weight gain, or death.
This kind of problem saddens me the most with clients. Leading someone to
self-esteem and strength is not easy when every tape in their head is set for
self-destruction.
If you let your self-esteem be a result of people finding
you sexually attractive, there will always be a chance of that person going
away or breaking up with you. So, if the attachment is about attraction and
self-esteem, you will lose your power when that person inevitably goes away.
That’s why the important steps to healthy relationship have nothing to do with
sexuality. They have more to do with transparency and a deep commitment to
protecting your very vulnerable heart. Lastly, we must find securely attached
individuals to find safety for our hearts.
______________________________________________
Go to Week 2 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge”
_______________________________________
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a
month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have
already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A
Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year
Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a
person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At
twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal
minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a
book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and
you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR
stands for (Compassionate, Loving,
Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to
engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks,
promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each
week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab,
a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group
functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to
have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at
growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring
to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome
mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and
expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive
connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to
CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in
change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around
us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective,
looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the
ability to change and finding
yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call
getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of
change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process.
The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye
Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the
mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this
constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling
future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance
to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a
donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
·
Introduction to Meditation
·
Smoke Cessation mp3
·
Weight Loss mp3
·
Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
·
Insomnia mp3
·
Eternal Om mp3
·
Meditation Music mp3
·
Guide to Meditation mp3
·
Healing the Body mp3
·
And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for
your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need
your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and
blesses you each day. I would be
greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share
button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at
BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com;
or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my
books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in
the search header.
Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to
Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready)
in Early 2014. Thanks!
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