Energetic Loss in #Relationship - Part III

I have spent the last few days taking time away from thinking about relationship and seeing if I actually am a more energetic person, as a result. The answer is a big yes, though I feel a bit depressed emotionally. You see, to let go of the idea of Prince Charming existing, I had to let an old dream die. As I did that, now I’m feeling the grief process as if my prince actually did die. But it’s just a fantasy, not a reality. Relationship is what it is, not what we make of it.

I looked back at all of my relationships in the past couple of days, including the ones I’m in now. I see clearly that I have not gained anything but heartache from them and probably have the beginning of an ulcerated stomach from all the worry and anxiety. Maybe it is time to let go. But, I’m considering that the letting go process if more of releasing the idea that “Prince Charming” is actually NOT a real person.

To begin again in any part of our lives takes erasing the slate, starting back from the time you actually began to write on that metaphoric slate in your mind, to draw shapes and concoct fantasies about that mystery man. You must at look at all the ways you have been fooled by, duped by, disappointed by, and disgraced by relationship and wonder if the problem is somewhere in your own imagining, or that you have simply been attracting the wrong people.

I have spoken a great deal about the book Attached. This book highlights the way we are wired for relationship: anxiously, avoidantly, securely, and disorientedly. Let me tell you, few of us are wired for secure relationship. I have had the honor of being in the presence of a few of those secure individuals. They almost appear boring to me, because I am so used to and disillusioned by abnormally dramatic relationships.

I came from a very broken family with lots of upheaval and drama. So, every relationship from the beginning of my life took on the premise of drama. Even when I attracted that hard-to-find secure man for eight years I still found ways to bring drama into the relationships, because by God, that’s what relationships are.

I had a good friend for many years who couldn’t keep a boyfriend to save her life. Every time someone would be romantically interested in her, it was as if she would tie him to a stake in her home and keep a gun at his head, metaphorically. She was so afraid of losing this guy that he, eventually, would leave, because she sucked the life right out of him.

I see signs of this in me. I think most of us are on the side of neediness, or hiding our insecurities because these psychological attributes are not pretty. But the root of the problem of energetic loss in relationship has much to do with our need to control relationship, which means controlling other people. Controlling anyone is simply an impossibility.

When I think of the one relationship that felt secure in my life, it stayed secure because I was in control for most of it. When my partner decided he wanted to make choices for himself, we ended up breaking up. His first authentic choice was to have an affair with one of my exes, the seven-year relationship right before him. LOL. GEEZ.

Yes, I look back at my life and think: Does a relationship exist that could actually add to my life instead of subtract. As a result of this little exercise, I have decided to throw out all of my old memoires about relationships and start over.

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! --Bo

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

Energetic Loss in #Relationship - Part II

I spent the day watching carefully how much energy I invested in areas of my life concerning relationship. This included family, friends, work, and intimate relationships. I noticed that as I focused my energy on the investments in my life that prosper, I have more generalized energy to function in a positive way. When I invest energy into places in my life—particularly intimate relationships and friendship that haven’t been tried and tested—I lose energy in all aspects of my life. In other words, when I spend time thinking about what hasn’t transpired or what I would like to happen in intimate relationships, expectation captures all of my creative energy, then, inevitably, disappointment happens.

I wise man said to me recently, “Relationship is what it is, not what you make of it.” My friend was speaking of how much energy we waste imagining that relationship is what we want it to be, NOT what it actually is. This could be in any kind of relationship, but specifically in intimate ones. I believe this small experiment we did yesterday can help each of us to learn to invest the powers of our life that actually give back energy we have invested in greater and wonderful forms.

Intimate relationships are the hardest energy to manage, because we bring to the table many attachments from the past. If we had bad relationships with parents, teachers, first husbands or wives, we probably are going to try to make intimate relationships in our present life something they are not. We tend to want to mold our current relationships into a healing salve to nurture our old wounds from past relationships.

I know the worst problem I have when dealing with any kind of relationship is staying in the present. I find myself, almost immediately upon meeting someone new, putting that person into a category in my mind. He or she is either a possibility for something that can change the mental problems of the past or make them worse. No one gets to be in a category that’s marked: This person will not affect my life at all. Everyone I let into my life has the capacity to change my energy and my past. (At least, that’s what I have believed.)

But the question I have to ask myself is: Is this statement true? Can any one person change the past for me? Can any relationship take away past hurt and bring a new horizon of good energy to intimate relationship?

I think we all are setting ourselves up for grave disappointment if we nurture that kind of thinking. With each new relationship, YOU have the opportunity to act differently. The focus shouldn’t be on the other person. He or she is innocuous in the end. That person will probably be the exact same person you have been attracting your entire life. You just have to decide how differently you will treat the situation. Will you rise up to meet this relationship with something new and wonderful? Will you wait until a person deserves your trust before you dive into love? Will you begin a relationship slow and watch carefully to see if a person is worthy of your love?

I know that in my life, even after many failed attempts at relationship, I tend to place expectation on relationship that often will push a person away, instead of draw them into love, which is what my heart truly wants and deserves.

Let’s take one more day to see if we can manage to change the energy we place on relationships in our lives. Can you take today to only put energy on the intimate relationships that give a payoff of love and respect? With the relationships that hold only expectation, can you imagine that these relationships are merely seeds or small plants waiting for time and nurturing to show whether they are healthy, viable relationships that will bear the fruit of longevity?

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! --Bo

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]